I Prefer the Cold

The courage to finally say "I'm done".

On cold nights like this one, I jam headphones
into my ears and dance around on my porch
like no one can see.

Tonight’s playlist was Alkaline Trio.
Tonight I danced.

For 2 months you were the song that burned
on my tongue. I played it to death.
You just smiled, took my hand and filled my eyes.

I pried up the floor boards looking
for what made me stay. I found
A smile, kind but crooked, and a friend.

Flashbacks to the collision of our kiss
throw me careening into sanity.
-Your blue button up shirt just hit the floor,
I lay in bed, watching “Scrubs”.
You lean in for a kiss, my lips stay tight.
You recoil, then smile.-
That smile used to set me blazing.

Tonight, the cold and music spell
the words I was afraid to speak,
“I’m done.”

The edge in Alkaline Trio has the sky
bobbing in time with every drum beat,
every guitar chord.

The bed that used to call me close
looks too warm through the window.
I abandoned warmth a long time ago.