A very creative, funny, entertaining, and well written essay on the art of fire making!
|How to Make a Fire
Long ago, there was a man. A cave man to be exact, and his name was Ug... I think. Anyways,Ug got home on a very cloudy day and it looked like it was going to storm. Ug was sitting cross-legged at the mouth of his cave, watching the thunderous clouds roll by and eating his days hunt raw, for there was no knowledge of fire and it was the only way he could eat it. After a minute or so of eating his raw meat and looking onto the beautiful, dark, valley below full of trees, a blinding light, so bright ,perhaps, that it was a lightning bolt, came streaking through the sky and it stuck a tree, setting it ablaze. Ug was awed. This is where our steamy adventure of fire making and fire skills begins.
After many years of studying this amazing phenomenon, Ug learned how to harness this wondrous source of heat and light and use it for his own good. He also learned how to cook with it; he learned where to make fire and how to make it out of sticks. Ug became the most famous cave man in history. Here are some of the basic ideas that Ug had about how to make fire, where to put it, and how to use it.(These ideas have been updated a lot in order for them to have some relevance in the modern world.)
Ug believed that: if you rub two sticks together for long enough, they will catch on fire. What he believed is actually true...true enough at least. Today, all you need to make a fire is a pile of wood and a match. Let's elaborate on that though, shall we.
The materials you need: A pile of dry wood. The pile of wood has to consist of these three things:Base Logs, Middle Sticks, and, Top Twigs. “But Ug,” you ask, “what are, Base Logs, Middle Sticks, and, Top Twigs; we yearn for your bountiful knowledge of fire, PLEASE, wont you tell us Ug?” Ug would very much like to tell you, but he is dead, so I'll tell you instead. Base Logs are the biggest logs that you will have in your fire. The ideal Base Log should be about 7-9 inches in diameter and always remember to make sure that your Base Logs are dry, or else they wont burn well at all.
“So, now we know what a good Base Log should look like and how they should be, but where can we find a good Base Log?”
Well, I can tell you that the best place to find a good Base Log would be on the forest floor somewhere, but it's not everyday you come across a real beauty. If you are picky about how your Base Logs look, you can always go to the store and pick some out from a bunch of hand-selected Base Logs for a cheap price.
The number of Base Logs you decide to use, depends on the size of the fire and how long you want it to burn. If you want a fire that lasts a long time, than you will need to stock up on those Base Logs bud. On the other hand, if you want a fire that will not last long at all, than you don't need to worry about getting too many Base Logs . The rule: The more Base Logs you have on your fire, the longer it will last, generally applies to all the wood on your fire.
“So, now we know what the ideal Base Log is, where to find it, and the number of Base Logs we need depending on our fire preferences, but what's next?”
You'll need to pick out a spot on the ground to place your Base Logs. This will determine the place where your fire will be burning later on, so be careful. The best place, and safest place to put your Base Logs would be in a designated pit specifically used for the art of fire making. Doing this will ensure that you don't accidentally catch something on fire that's not supposed to be. If you can't access one of those fire pits, or if you don't have one, than the next best place would be somewhere thats is safe enough, once again, to not catch anything on fire that's not supposed to be.
I believe that I told you that I would tell you what Middle Sticks are next, so here it is:
Middle Sticks are the medium sized, dry, sticks that will go in the middle of your fire. You place them on top of the Base Logs. Since they are smaller than your Base Logs, you'll need to collect more of them. You can find them like Base Logs, on the forest floor, and it doesn't matter what shape they are in as long as they will burn pretty well.(You probably wont find many Middle Sticks at the store.)
“But what about Top Twigs. You said that you'd tell us about Top Twigs to!?”
Slow down, slow down, I still haven't told you about how to place the Middle Sticks on your Base Logs. In order to have a roaring fire, you need to strategically place your Middle Sticks in a pyramid type of a formation.(It does not by any means, have to be absolutely perfect) After you have done that, you will be ready to throw your Top Twigs onto your wood pile.
When I say, 'Throw' I mean Throw. This step in the fire making process is one of the easiest. All you have to do is take some random, dry twigs and place them, or 'throw' them on top of your wood pile. After you have done this, you are ready to lite your fire!
“Lite, the fire? How are you supposed to do that? Is it very hard? Does it hurt?”
Oh, no no no no, my friends. It is also one of the easiest steps in the fire making process, and it does not hurt one bit...unless you get burned.
“BURNED! Oh my, what's that?”
Getting burned is one of the many dangers in making a fire. You can make sure not to get burned if you do not touch the fire.
Now, back to how to light it. To light it, you will need one or more matches. You beginners out there will probably need more than one. You must strike the match on it's box. When a little flame appears at the end of your match, you have done good. Now what you need to do is throw the match on the pile of sticks that you have made earlier, this should catch the sticks on fire.(Be careful not to throw the match too hard, lest you let the match's little flame get burned out by the wind.) If you try again and again to lite your fire this way, and it does not work, you may have done something wrong.
“!#*!?! I don't want to go back through all the steps and find out what I did wrong, then try and fix this. Is there any other way to lite your fire?”
Lucky for you, there is another way to lite your fire, so you can just relax...okay? The other way, and perhaps, the easiest way to lite your fire (Though I think it's cheating) is to pour gasoline on top of all of your wood, and then throw your lit match on to the wood. This should cancel out any mistakes that you've made and blow them up! Just make sure that it is not a windy day when you do this, or make sure, if it is a windy day, to be facing away from the wind, or you will feel what it's like to be BURNED! Once you have your fire lit, you have succeeded in making a fire. Congratulations! You have followed all the steps it takes to make a fire and you have done them right, all of you except the gasoline people at least. You are now ready to play with your fire.
This fire extinguisher is a great tool that allows you to put your fire out if it gets too out of control!