The ORIGINAL forbidden love story, which lost hilarity in Shakespeare's version.
|(PYRAMUS and THISBE sit center stage, staring lovestruckenly at eachother.)
THISBE: Oh, how lovely thou art, oh most handsome boy in Generic Greek Location X.
PYRAMUS: And how beautiful art thou, most pleasant girl in Generic Greek Location Y!
(THEY sit together in blissful silence until PARENT enters.)
PARENT: (thwacking PYRAMUS) BAD son! No canoodling with the only other person in
the city-state who's as attractive as you are!
PYRAMUS: But mo-om!
PARENT: No buts! (drags PYRAMUS off by his ear)
THISBE: Oh, woe is I, woe is I, woe is I!
(LIGHTS ARE DIM as PARENT drags in A WALL, which PYRAMUS is on one side
of and THISBE is on the other.)
PYRAMUS: Why did they have to seperate us?
THISBE: They cannot divide our everlasting love!
PYRAMUS: Yeah, but they sure have tried.
THISBE: How can we ever see eachother again?
PYRAMUS: Hey! Let's meet at Ninny's tomb!
THISBE: What do you mean? My mom doesn't have a tomb!
PYRAMUS: Oh, wait, it's NINUS's tomb.
THISBE: Oh. Okay!
(THEY try to look lovesickly at each other, but doing so through the wall
proves difficult. THEY then try to hold hands, but this cannot be done through
the wall either.)
THISBE: I love you?
PYRAMUS: Er, uh, ditto!
(THEY EXIT. LIGHTS DIM AGAIN; wall is removed, after which they BRIGHTEN. THISBE
is sitting blissfully.)
THISBE: Pyramus, Pyramus, Pyrypyrypyramus...
THISBE: AAAAH! (Her CLOAK falls off as she exits.)
PYRAMUS: (entering) Thisbe, love? (sees her CLOAK) Oh the gods! My love has really
bad taste! (thinking) Wait, where is she?
PYRAMUS: Oh, look, a big cat! (HE pets it and IT growls, rips off his hand.) Ow,
my hand! (thinking) Oh my god, this is what happened to Thisbe! OH NO! (takes SWORD
out of his pocket and kills himself)
THISBE: (entering again) Maybe Pyramus has showed up by now! (Seeing DEAD PYRAMUS
and sword) Holy Zeus! My lover was pro-sword! (pause) Oh, he's also dead. Wait...
(thinks a moment) Oh, yeah! (picks up his SWORD and kills herself)
PARENT: (enters) What a mess! (picks up CLOAK, PYRAMUS, THISBE and sweeps all them out.)