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Rated: 13+ · Fiction · Comedy · #1502355
A famous chef cooks a Turkey dinner...
Interview With A Chef

“Hello everyone, this is W.D.Wilcox here at Channel 7 News in Milwaukee. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been exploring the wonderful holiday culinary delights of famous chefs from all over the world. And here with me today is the world-renowned, Swedish Chef from The Muppets TV Show.”

“Hellu, hellu, hellu.”

“How're you doing, Chef?”

“I’m dueeng feene-a, V.D. Veelcux.”

“That’s great Chef, and what will you be cooking for us today?”

“Tudey, I veell be-a prepereeng a toorkey fur zee Chreestmes deenner.”

“Yes, the traditional Christmas Turkey. I’m sure our millions of viewers can’t wait to see how you do it. And here comes the turkey now, naked, weighing in at over fifty pounds, and still alive!”


“The Chef is filling a bucket with breadcrumbs and feeding the plucked turkey. Well, that’s one way to stuff a bird, heh Chef?”

"Burdeee leekes breedcroombs. Here-a yuoo gu burdeee, luts und luts ooff breedcroombs."

“I should say he does. Look at him scarf those down.”

“Next, yuoo smeer bootter ell oofer zee toorkey.”

“Okay, you smear it all over with butter. I hope everyone’s taking notes here.”

“Zeen yuoo stooffff zee toorkey veet zee seeffuud.”

“Stuff it with seafood? Wow, that sounds delicious! And notice ladies and gentlemen how the Chef is using long plastic gloves that go all the way up to his shoulder. I’m sure this is to prevent spreading any turkey germs.”

"Furst, yuoo stooffff zee seex vhule-a ooysters! Bork. Bork. Bork.”

“Six whole oysters? But…aren’t they supposed to be shelled?”

“ACHKKK! Gobble-gobble!”

“Holy crap! The Chef is cramming those whole oysters somewhere deep into the rear of the turkey!”

"Zeen, ve-a stooffff zee toorkey veet three-a vhule-a lubsters."

“But Chef, you can’t put three live lobsters in there…. Whoa! And there they go!”


“I don’t think he likes that one little bit, Chef.”

“Oone-a, tvu-a, three-a…bork-bork-bork!”

“ACHKKK! Gobble-gobble! ACHKKK!”

“Folks, you just can’t imagine the look on this poor turkey’s face. So, what are you going to put in there next, Chef?”

“Tvelfe-a fresh feeshies."

“Uh…twelve fresh fish? No way!”

“Gobble-gobble GOBBLE-gobble! ACHKKK!”

“Unbelievable! Oops, one’s trying to swim back upstream, Chef."


“Bork. Bork. Bork.”

“Ah, there you go.”

"Zeen yuoo pup heem in zee oofee."

“Pop him in the oven…are you sure? He’s still alive!”

"Zeen yuoo hefe-a tu heet heem reel herd veet thees here-a fryeeng pun."

“Hit him with a frying pan? I don’t think he’s going to stand still for that.”


“Whoa, strike one Chef.”

“ACHKKKK! Gobble-gobble-gobble!”

“Cume-a here-a toorkey, toorkey, toorkey."

“And he’s off. You’ll never catch him now, Chef.”

"Stup toorkey! Cume-a here-a leettle burdeee, burdeee, burdeee. Bork. Bork. Bork."

“Well, that’s a wrap here…another fabulous holiday dinner prepared by a world-famous chef.”


“And there he goes…”

“Stup, burdeee, burdeee, burdeee. Bork. Bork. Bork.”

© Copyright 2008 W.D.Wilcox (billywilcox at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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