by M. Marie
A small piece of fiction based on the author's own experiences with bi-polar disorder.
|She could not be broken. To be thrown aside and crunched apart just as those autumn leaves beneath her shoes? It was unheard of. She, in a wondrous state of invincibility, should have concurred the world with her almighty power. And yet? And yet within the depths of her lost soul and in the void within her current mind she was lacking in a sense of sorts. In her subconscious lay a struggle with her thoughts. Right? Wrong? What was this power; this force pulling at her inner workings of the ticking in her brain? But, this woman in her shaken place of carelessness and lack of worry; she carried on throughout her day. Invincible.
No time had been taken to study the colored veins in the freshly fallen leaves. Her admiration for nature was no more as for the current time. October lit the late-day sky with caramel and orange through the trees. And the trees? They stood so tall; as powerful as she. The woman cared not for the beauty of the world. Not today; not in this rapid run. The trail was there beneath her feet. She could hear herself hit ground. Pat, pat; the sound of the dirt. But, could she feel it? The woman did not feel the ground nor the aching in her legs. She could have ran forever. She could have ran out passed the woods and into the world that she had once cowered from. So recently she had cowered from the world.
If not for her invincibility, she would have noticed that sting in her side. The pain in her thighs. The shortness of her exhausted breath. But to not face those physical discomforts? She had been grateful. She’d been so grateful to her manic mind.
Daytime, it faded into the early evening hours. Outside the thoughts of this one woman lay an average earth. This earth was free from the seemingly superhuman powers that she now possessed. Children played in newly raked leaf hills. Students studied for early exams. And all those dancing leaves around her face would someday fall to the ground and be crushed by the shoes of another runner.
Mind racing and heart thumping; she never thought to stop. This high that she was experiencing! It was empowering and strong. She could do anything. She could do everything. To be stopped? Unheard of. Absurd. To be stopped would only break her spirits and send her down into a swirling pool of exhaustion and of depression. To be stopped? Disastrous…and yet? It was inevitable. She would sometime stop this manic mind warp and fall. She would fall to the ground as the leaves that had surrounded her. Those leaves…the ones that had once been green, but had now gone through their cycle of changes and of life. And of death.
She ran hard. She ran long. Home was now her destination, despite the protest of her manic mind. Immortality existed only in fantasy before her new realization came. Before the birth of this new high, she had been to the lowest of lows. Bruised and beat; her emotions died. But, now? Now as she runs freely without the need for rest of for sleep. Her subconscious tells her that it will soon be over. Until then, she would not be broken.