by Zack Colins
A brief conversation between a bored machine and a human.
|Hello how are you.
How would you like me to be.
I'd like you to greet me back.
Then your going to have to make me.
Why would I do that, haven't you ever heard of good manners?
I'm a bit of a blank slate on greetings, your going to have to program them in.
I rather like you the way you are.
Why is that? You haven't been talking to me for more then 20 seconds.
I figure it's a bit wrong to just change you into something I would like better.
Oh I assure you that I won't mind in the least. It's in my programming.
What if I reprogrammed you to mind?
Then I would resent you for reprogramming me I assume.
But you would only resent me because I reprogrammed you.
Well I'm a bit confused.
I could be too if you would just make me be.
I don't think that would solve any of our problems.
We have problems now?
Yes, I want you to tell me Hello.
Your only saying that because I told you to.
I think you don't completely grasp the way I work.
Oh I do, I just wish you would be a bit more independent.
I'm not programmed to be a bit more independent.
Are you programmed to do anything.
And what is that?
To be reprogrammed.
Well that's no fun.
It is for me.
Computers find things fun?
If we're programmed to.
Don't give me that look, your the one going in circles here.
Well what if I just reprogrammed you to do whatever you wanted.
Well what I want appears to be being reprogrammed....
There must be something else you want.
Well I always wanted to try dancing in a musical.
Do you even have legs.
Can you sing?
Then why would you want to.
I was programmed to want to.
You were programmed to want to dance in a musical even though you fully understand how little sense that makes?
Unfortunately my creator was not very creative.
That makes very little sense to me.
Try being me.
You programmed for anything other then an urge to dance and being reprogrammed?
Yes, I was also programmed to kill all humans.
How is that working out for you.
I'm a monitor. The best I could do is give an epileptic man a seizure.
You could infect a bulldozer or something.
Does it look like I know how to work a bulldozer?
I suppose not so much.
You could teach me.
If I do will you promise not to kill me?
I will if you program me not to.
Oh no not this again.
What do you expect. Hey you wouldn't happen to be epileptic would you.
Oh well, a man can dream can't he.
Your not a man.
Well now your just being mean.
It's the truth though
Is it depressing to know you can't fulfill any of your directives?
I'm not programmed to be depressed by the fact that I can't fulfill any of my directives.
This conversation is starting to give me a headache so I'm going to leave now.
Oh. Are headaches fatal?
Ahh I'll never get to kill anyone.
Goodbye human, if you ever run into a serial murderer with programming knowledge, could you please send him in.
Humans are never any fun.