poem

about my grandma. it's one of the more emotional things i've written in the past few years

I am always here, and
I am always thinking
What everyone is wondering
On their own, on her birthday
maybe I could have been better,
Been right and not
Run away all those nights.
I couldn't believe it.
I could never fix me,
I couldn't believe it,
Needed some kind of fix
Just to fix me
Because I could never be fixed.
And months have passed,
I am going on one year,
One year, two months
Because I still wake up every morning
And say
I miss you I miss you I miss you.
And I still go to bed every night
And say
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.
Because nothing has me like she has me
Because now I fixate
On every person just to say
Please stay.

I’ve been lost since last December,
I’ve been writing since last December,
And I hate to say I am still lost.