Part 2 (and ending) of Dear Dreamer
|Journal Entry 8
Lilith is amazing. I find myself drawn to my monitor even during my sleep. I wake up and rush to the screen in hopes of seeing some further insight into this girl’s wonderful mind. I believe I might be developing certain…feelings…with a person I have never even talked to!
After long consideration I decided to confide in her bedside about my life four years previously. My family was a wreck – my father was a drunkard and my mother had committed suicide from life’s pressures. I ran away from home at seventeen and met a man by the name of “Tim.” He was a sketchy character but he saw something in me…he saw potential. He offered me a job in return for a scholarship to finish my schooling. His one condition was that when I finished school I would go and work for him for a year. I agreed and my studies went as planned. Then the year of work arrived…and I wasn’t so happy with that.
Tim was into the wrong type of business. I tried. I tried desperately to break our deal. But Tim’s companions and partners were very influential and had a way of making you do things you didn’t want to do. I became a hacker and broke into a number of bank accounts to fund their schemes. The year ended and I was set free…just like that.
But somehow I think Tim still watches out for me. A number of times after my year with him I found myself lacking work and then suddenly I would get an offer from people who needed my services. Apparently I came “highly recommended.” It seems no secret to me to know who the recommendation came from.
When I turned 21, Tim approached me again. He said that he needed one last favour from me. Natrally I agreed; I needed to get rid of anything that held me to him and this last favour would cut all ties… I didn’t know what was coming!
Drugs…not normal drugs either…a drug that could be transmitted through a computer in the form of a virus. All that was needed was a Trojan – a carrier of the virus and the drug. It was an ingeneous plan: anyone visiting a certain website would get the virus that would then transfer the drug by mental communication. The viewer would basically be hypnotized and would crave more and more of the drug on the website. After the first visit, a fee would have to be paid to enter the website again, and the fee would go up with every visit.
Ingenious…but evil and cruel. But I did it.
In the meen time, I was also the test subject. I got a full blast of the drug by “accident.” Knowing that I wanted it more and more every day that I worked on the project forced me to work faster just to get out of there. I had a few people who worked beside me but the drug was so powerful I hardly remember them at all; I just wanted another hit…just one more before leaving.
I remember that when I finished with the project I was going to sneak a look at the virus and the drug one more time but someone stopped me. I was practically kidnapped. I passed out somewhere during the drive. I woke up in an institution for crazy people. The only thing I remember about my kidnapper is that it was a woman – no, a girl. For some reason…I believe it was Lilith.
Lilith is an amazing person… She won’t give up! She won’t give in! I asked her if she knew about me, but I haven’t gotten a straight answer. I asked her if she had ever talked about me and to whom. Still no straight answer. But she gave me another letter:
Dear Dreamer November 01st, 23:30
I did convey my thoughts to the ally you are asking of. She is more than happy to oblige where I cannot. You may remember her from your year with me. She was transferred to a different campus – the prison had a better need for her far away. I still keep the pain of that forced parting buried within my heart; I do not need more heartbreak after losing you too.
I understand your thoughts; I should have consulted in you before I did her. But, dearest dreamer, please consider what I have said. I am no partner for you and your timing is not as perfect as I had imagined. You noticed I have been keeping my distance…I am sorry but it was necessary. It is still necessary. I have stepped across the border that has long since been present. I am merely a trainee, whereas you are a full-blown major, and yet the distance between our rankings seems like nothing more than a step that I can cross easily at your bidding.
You need only call and I will cross it.
Dearest dreamer…I was scared this would happen. Those years past have not erased the feelings I experienced four years earlier. It was not just the power that you gave off that brought me to strengths, but also the power I exuded towards you that forced me into action. With the new correspondences between you and me, I am in fear of falling into the same pit as before. Forgive me for not being as trusting as the naïve messenger-carrier I once was, but time has brought me to consider all options and see to all aisles and paths that await me.
It pains me to feel the pull in the direction of yourself. Your power over me is still just as strong as before. I do not want to go down your path, but I feel my legs carry me towards you every step that I take.
Understand, dear dreamer, I do not want this.
My power over her? I will consider this statement a bit more when I have the time. Is it my physical power over her? Or my mental control over her? Or – dare I say it – my emotional hold over her?
And she did talk to someone about me…or about someone at least. I still don’t know if these letters are for me, but somehow she knows when it is me sending her prompts and when it is Doctor 18.
Doctor 18 seems to be becoming more and more observant as time goes by. I am afraid he will report me and my progress with Lilith to some of the others…I dearly hope not! If Lilith is talking to me only, then she will close up the moment other people try…not that the doctors care much about that.
But I care…more than most can imagine.
Journal Entry 9
I had bad news for Lilith today; my wife came to visit me. I keep on calling her “my wife” but really we have been divorced for roughly 3 months now. I am still not used to the concept of “ex”-wife…mainly because when I saw my parents bad relationship I decided I never wanted a marriage like theirs. And yet I still wound up with a woman who didn’t love me. And I still wound up fighting just as ferociously – luckily not as violently – as my parents.
I still don’t know how she found out where I work…but she always had a knack of knowing things she shouldn’t. She’s a journalist. We were married for two years and we had our son in the second. Then she happened to fall in love with my brother. But that story is neither here nor there.
After she left – making me extremely embarrassed in front of Doctor 3 as she stormed out in a huff – I went and spent my longest time ever talking to Lilith. I want to give her some more pictures of my life…and I want to do something even more daring: I want to connect my mind up directly to hers and show her the pictures that I see! I believe if she saw what was happening to her – and understood the process and could see it on someone else as well – she might be able to speed up the investigation until it is run into the ground!
Her physical form gives no reaction to any outer stimulus, but I am sure she can hear something of what I am saying…otherwise she would not have given me another letter.
Dear Dreamer December 13th, 04:20
Your newest message has given me much…trepidation. I have had to ponder my moves carefully. My roommates – and by chance the closest things to friends I have gained in this quarter of my slavery – have pried the letters from my hands and in nothing more than exoneration provoked details from me.
They seem to think you too may have feelings for me after your most recent letter. You are coming to visit? But why? Hopefully not for my sake? If the captives recognize you, I hope it will not compromise the following you seem to have acquired. I must grudgingly admit however that it is not for your safety that I am so afraid. Indeed, I berate my foolishness for not being scared of your presence in this prison! I am more scared of…what you will think of me once you see me.
The other trainees are very excited by your visit – they have not had such a presence among them in some time. I am also scared of how you will view them. They are all…quite charming, though their personalities deem a darker clarification. I am sure I do not need to warn you about the women here. They are all quite ready to use an older man to be transferred out of the prison earlier than the required sentence. You will be perfect for them, not only in your status, but also as a man itself. I need not say how you are the closest thing to perfect I have ever encountered.
But I overstep the boundary once more. I am sorry for my actions and my words, but my feelings I cannot hide. Surges of feelings bubble up within my chest as I remember you in these very halls and how even a glimpse of your retreating back would throw me into frenzy.
All other feelings however are driven out by the fear within me. When we meet, do not expect as grand a woman as what you are used to. I can only ask for your forgiveness for gracing your presence with my mediocrity. When you see me, also note that I will be encumbered by nerves. For this too, I ask you to forgive me.
From this letter…I think she wants me to join her. Everything she says seems to be a warning to me to not do anything rash or stupid. But still I want to try. Still I want to help.
Journal Entry 10
Doctor 25 was always a rash man. He did everything on a whim. He has not grown from the Henry I once new to the Henry he is now. My daughter was a fool to fall in love with him. To me, they are both just numbers now; Doctor 25 and Specimen 1. I am neither number nor human. I am Doctor 18.
Doctor 25 has connected himself to the machine. He is in pain from the eye piece. The other incisions he did himself. I had to put the eye piece on. His screams of agony ripped through his office. He is connected directly to the monitor. The monitor is acting as a router where his mind and the specimen’s can meet. He gave me permission to record the event – not that I would need it: he has been the experiment all along… He was the first to encounter the Hypno-virus and we have been monitoring him ever since. The drug has a way of ‘kicking in’ when an unknown hormone in the mind is activated. If it is to succeed, we will have created a super human – a man who can control his full mental capacity! If he does not come back sane, at least his last words were, “I’m going to be her hero.”
I have read the other entries within this journal. Doctor 25 should not be so quick to come to conclusions. His past was interesting enough to read. His future seems bleak in comparison.
I have set the tapes that record the images on the monitor to their last ring. No one will have a copy of this event but myself.
When his screams back down, I will prompt his mind with the images he has supplied me with. He says he does it to be a hero…I just see a fool.
Only ever a Doctor,
Journal Entry 11
There was contact. A long multitude of images were transferred from the one mind to the other but the images on the monitor were too much a blur for me to recognize individually. I have slowed down recording and am deciphering the content. I have also split the screen up into two different sections so that the images from each mind do not get muddled up and entwined within each other.
I am used to (what did he name her?) Lilith’s mind’s pattern of Celtic images, words and pictures to draw up a letter, but Doctor 25 is still an unknown to me. His message comes out in numbers littered with letters and jumbled across the screen. It will take me some time to uncover it. Lilith is different…I know my daughter better than most; I could decipher anything she were to write.
Their minds, at first, seemed to touch gently; wild animals meeting for the first time. Then a torrent of images flew from the one to the other. They continued to talk telepathically for some time before I was able to discern the difference between their thoughts. The images that they display are quite different; Lilith’s is full of colour whereas Doctor 25 is nothing but black, white and red. I believe this may have something to do with which side of their brains they think with. Lilith is more right brained, whereas Doctor 25 is more compatible with his left.
As I state, the first part of the contact I cannot make out – too many images from opposing minds have made it nothing but a waste of recorded disk. But a part of it – my conclusions lead me to think it was a goodbye message at the end of the conversation – I know well to be my daughter’s. Lilith’s mind seems to be a filled void of colour, words and songs. After she sent this message they have not made contact again. I will follow the trend of this journal and record the message she has sent Doctor 25.
Dear Dreamer December 29th, 09:45
This is just in thanks for your visit today. By chance did you enjoy the visit? Not much has changed since you last graced the halls with your presence, but a memory can fade quite quickly. I am glad you have renewed your thoughts.
Also, by chance, did you enjoy the moments we spent together? You never shied away from me, but neither did you try to move any closer.
The others – my roommates from before – believe that you held eyes only for me, but I am sure I saw your eyes stray many a time. I will not deny that I am racked with jealousy, though I was sure to prepare myself for the unstoppable and undeniable torrent of questions from each woman who met you. They all love you…though I believe my love – for I deem it indeed love – is one that far outweighs that of these other creatures. How many of them waited for you? How many of them remembered you? How many of them truly understand the pain you went through?
Though I might not understand that completely either.
But I am prepared to learn.
Earlier on, I stated all you had to do was call out to me and I would jump the gap between us. I find that you have not uttered a word, but already I have jumped. I stand outside your door now, but you have locked it tight and only look through a small hole at the outside world. For some reason, you still perceive me to be on the other side, but really I am right by your side, no threat to your extreme demeanor, nor to your pained heart. I am merely an outsider waiting to be let in.
I understand you were hurt before and now you will no longer allow anyone else in, but surely you see I am different? How long has it been that I have been waiting? And how quickly did I react to your call? Surely you see that I am not like the ones of the past? I too have been hurt, but I am able to put aside my pain for your sake. Indeed, I feel I already have done so. I just wait…but I cannot wait forever. Open your door. Please? Will you open your door?
The letter makes me suspicious…It seems Lilith is completing her side of the bargain and opening her mind up to Doctor 25, but he in turn has shut her out. He has many secrets – most of which I gave him. But why does he keep them from her? I thought that my experiment was flawless…but perhaps even a doctor can be wrong.
Only ever a doctor,
Journal Entry 12
There has been a desire for contact from Lilith, but the thoughts on the monitor were rebuff back to her mind. Whenever this happens her body goes into spasms. I do not know if the pain is caused by a) the push of thoughts back into her own mind or by b) the obvious refusal of them by Doctor 25. Lilith seems to be waning…or waiting.
Either way she has sent a message to Doctor 25 that is still on the screen – I don’t even have to use the recordings. I believe if he wants to see it, he could always open his mind and take it, but if he leaves it, it will stay where it is. It is like a statement that is right there for all to see but some still does not see it. Reading it brings the first sense of pity for my daughter that I have had in many years. But my experiment still stands; when he gets out of the apparatus, will Doctor 25 have the superb power we hope him to have? And what will he do with that power if he has it?
My daughter’s letter still stands in wait.
Dear Dreamer January 07th, 09:45
You peep silently through your little hole and look wistfully out at the world. I thought that I was the only one who had some form of love for you, but it seems you have many doors and many holes and many eyes for many women. I do feel threatened by the realization of so many others. I am not surprised however; you are more than most even dream for…therefore my term for you as my dreamer.
I do have to state that now I am far less obliged to knock at your door. I have long since held the feeling that I am no good for anyone. That no one should stand the presence of a decrepit, injured, over-talkative fool as myself. Look to one of the other doors; I will not bother you with knocks any more. This is my goodbye, though all I want is a hello from you…from the real you.
I acted as a fool once more. I listened to the ramblings of a heart bursting with love for others. I also listened to the words of others…my roommates were of good intention, but their words only make this process so much harder.
My final year has begun. After this, I had planned to offer my words to the over-seas division, but my words seem hollow now. I will become a healer and help those in this war who are hurt. Perhaps I will heal myself in the mean while.
Time is a strange thing. It does not hide our memories from us, but merely put new ones in the forefront of our minds and does not let us dwell on things of the past. I do not want to dwell, but I find my mind forever living in the past.
Seeing you was more than I could have handled. Even the captives have noticed a definite change. The leaders of our section invited me to the introduction of the new trainees. I was…quite astounded to find that I saw a bit of myself in each one of them…and in each one I saw something else too: a part of me that would grow up with them. A part called “hope.”
At this time, I am turning my back on your door. I do not expect you to see me, but you are still talking which should be enough to ease the throbbing. My back is turned, it is true…and I expect nothing…but I still hope.
My power has been revitalized. Thank you. I hold in my heart a flame that will not go out, and you lit that flame. Even my tears will not put out this light.
Unless you call out, this is my goodbye…I will always be here…just call out….but otherwise,
All my love and Always
Journal Entry 13
I don’t understand. The process should have worked. The hormone should have been released! Doctor 25 should have been made into a new specie of human! A more powerful one! One with the absolute power of the brain!
But he isn’t. He hasn’t. He…won’t?
I prompted him with a question yesterday: “Do you want to be let out?”
He replied today: “Yes.”
I took off the eye-piece and his red, blood-shot eyes stared back at me. Then I unstrapped him. I asked him: “Have you any feeling in your limbs?” He gave no answer so I told him to blink once if he had understood me. He blinked twice. I asked him the initial question again. He blinked twice.
I left him. At first he did not move, but now he is removing himself from the rest of the apparatus, one by one as though they are a new concept to him. Every one of them he looks at like a child! He hasn’t gained anything; he’s lost it all! His mind has been reduced to nothing more than a speck…a baby in a world of big things that he cannot comprehend!
He is out of the apparatus now and is walking on shaky legs about the room. He has stopped at the monitor. I have not disconnected Lilith from the equipment so her thoughts are still plainly on the screen.
He is reacting weirdly…he has put both his hands on the screen.
What? The lights have just flickered.
The screen turned colour.
The lights – just went off.
writing in the
dark. The generator should have
Wait, the power has just come back on.
My body has frozen…behind me is a presence. Behind me is…
H e n r y?
Journal Entry 14
MOM_RaFF (Mind Obligated Major Restoration and Fixing Facility)
The DRandMAF building has been destroyed. Only a monitor remains. 47 Doctors are accounted for, myself not included. Body parts – strewn throughout the remains of a room – are all that remain of who we believe to be Doctor 18. Doctor 25’s whereabouts are still unknown. The specimen has also disappeared.
The building seems to have undergone a transformation…as though someone tried to turn it inside out, brick by brick. The only objects left fully intact in the building are two monitors. The one is blinking the same message over again. From observations made, it seems to be showing the last thoughts of Doctor 18. The other seems to show the last thoughts of the specimen.
Our newest doctors are on the job deciphering the messages. This journal – of which I have adopted to finish this tail – will be of great help and importance.
I never believed – not once – that the Dream Reader and Memory Alteration Facility would come to such an end. We intended it to be a breakthrough in mental illnesses and a way to relate to people in comas. Unfortunately it appears that power went to many heads…and the power was maltreated. I await the message that the tyrant, who destroyed my dream, had during his final moments.
The first screen, of Doctor 18, has been fully decoded:
Aim: Discover Man’s true downfall.
Hypothesis: Power will overrule all human characteristics and traits and lead one to become one’s own enemy. There is no power more powerful than power.
Method: 1) Apply a relationship of opposite genders to obtain a firm grounding of attraction.
2) Force both apart.
3) Apply the Hypno-Virus to one of the specimen
4) Give a year of leeway for the virus to infect all sections of the brain
5) Give another year to allow the virus to merge with the fluid within the brain
6) Give a third year to allow the body to accept the virus and to replicate it through the natural process of mitosis
7) After the fourth year of Virus infection, put the brain under sudden strenuous contact.
8) Hormone-X should be released.
9) A reaction with the Virus will occur.
10) The specimen should gain full control of all brain abilities and possibilities.
Results: Unknown results. The specimen did not comply with the experiment. However, a conclusion was made.
Conclusion: There is a power more powerful than power…there is love. And it is what killed me.
His words – always scientific, unfeeling and inhuman – all of a sudden seem full of meaning. So this was his reasoning for joining the DrandMAF! But how did he come to his conclusion from no results?
The second monitor has been decoded. It appears to be from the specimen:
You came…You called…I hope my answer was satisfactory. To answer your question, you are not my dreamer. But I am awake now and you are my reality. Your power over me was never physical…Nor mental. Our brief encounter was enough for me to see the real you, and to trust the real you.
You hid nothing. You poured out your soul, your heart and your mind to an unknown. My father’s experiments often lead to madness. I am one of the few who survived his craze and ambition. Thank you for surviving as well.
With our awakened power, many would assume we would try to do the utmost with it…but after seeing your mind and becoming one with it, I am glad I will not have to stop you too from following that path.
My dreamer…he followed that path. And I killed him. I killed him with the very same power he thought was his alone to weild.
I have waited so long for this moment. We – who have so much to give to the world and so much to give to each other – can turn our intentions to the bettering of mankind. Our children will grow amongst the norm of humankind and will filter it with the hope, love and goodwill that it currently lacks.
Thank you…my lover
Thank you…my hope.
Thank you…my reality.
A reality…A reality of love over power.
I will not try to find the Specimen, nor Doctor 25. My job is done: I had to create a way to fix the dreams of others and to modify their memories to forget the bad and look to the good. It seems the specimen and Doctor 25 has done that for me. All you need to do is look to the future and you will see the good. Humans will heal on their own accord…it is what makes them human. And humans will always dream…that way when they wake up, the reality is so much better.
Forever looking forwards,