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Rated: E · Short Story · Satire · #1550776
Satire on what can happen when someone likes writing too much.
The Condition

It began innocently enough. I enjoyed "social writing" and entertained my grandchildren with a poem or two. It was pleasant to spend a little time on a web site sharing an article  or short story with a few friends. There were no rules against driving while writing and it was not an offense to be writing in public. Innocent, right?

    But I began spending more time writing. I missed some appointments because of writing and it began to influence my relationships. I began writing in the morning. Sometimes I hid pens and writing pads in secret places so no one would know I was writing. I did not recognize it, but my writing was becoming a problem. My boss called me into his office.

    "Doug," he said, "I know you have been writing a lot. For your own good, please stop or at least cut back. I just can't cover for you any more."

    But as the problem grew, I remained in denial. I told myself I was in control of my writing and "could take it or leave it any time." Still, in tense situations I needed to write a short essay to steady my nerves. I couldn't have any fun without first at least writing a limerick or sonnet. I lied about my writing. I missed house and car payments to pay for writing materials. My wife went to an enablers' meeting where they taught "tough love."

    She came home and told me, "It's either stop writing or our marriage is over. I love you, but this can't go on."

    I tried to stop, but I could think of nothing but writing that short story that occurred to me. My wife was true to her word and threw me out, leaving me homeless, penniless, and left only with one pen and tablet. I had hit bottom.

    On my way down to the library I happened to notice a sign on the back of a bus stop bench: "Hooked on writing? Got you down and out? Come to our Writers Anonymous meetings and know victory." Desperate, I decided to try it.

    At the meeting I had to introduce myself. "Hello, I'm Doug, and I write."

    Well, everyone was very supportive. They taught a twelve-step method, emphasizing spiritual power, supportive relationships, self-responsibility, and day-by-day commitment. Diligently I worked through the twelve steps. This was my opportunity to get clean. To myself, God, and my support group I commited myself to stop writing. I began to feel better. I re-connected spiritually. I stopped reaching for pen and pencil the first thing in the morning. This was working!

    One of the last steps was to identify everyone my writing had harmed and apologize to them. I have done that and now tender this written apology. Written apology? Written? AAAgggghhhhhh.

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