I first published this through Helium,They had asked for my version on what happens?
|Splitting families and separating one parent. Why it is not a good idea?
For the reason, it creates the sense of abandonment, not only to the child, but also for the parent on the receiving end. The scientific word for this cruel and covert abuse is “Parental Alienation”. For me, I know all to well, what one goes through, especially when it is the people, you believed loved and cared for you. Therefore places unnecessary stress, which can become very dangerous for ones health.
As a mother and grandmother, having to cope with this insidious cruelty, has a devastating affect on the minds of both parent and child concerned. In my opinion, it is a form of mental abuse; it takes a lot of time and effort to manipulate and program a child into believing that the parent on the receiving ends of this treatment, and as the child grows up all the unfounded optimism, eventually makes the child believe all is true. For which my adult children have now decided that it was, “I” that created my own abuse. Therefore making the decision, I am not good enough to be their mother or a grandmother.
It is a form of punishment on my behalf, in trying to explain what they were doing to the offspring as well as I. Just recently, one of my daughters has started to visit, allowing me to see her two boys’, “My Grandsons” but I am, having trouble in trying not to believe that there is some "Altria Motive" behind it. This is what it has created; a sense of not being able to trust those I love and gave life too.
It’s all to familiar, makes one angry, especially when you hear adults complaining about their children not obeying rules, or law’s that are set in place, for no other reason, only to protect them. They loose the sense to learn responsibility and respect for their parents, which only induces delinquency. They become either the bully, bullied or both.
Due to my families’ inability, not being able to help resolve problems as they arose, “not for any lack of trying, on my part” has only forced the next generation to receive the abuse I had first received as a child. Over time, it has given oneself an anger and frustration, a pain that I never deserved. Therefore nor do my children.
Having my own “personal shame” in view of the fact that others are forcing this neglect. The result; created my own neglect in not having the means or funds to pay for essential services. Trying, to hide it in the back of my mind convincing myself that it was not happening, one ends up finding the balls to stand up and finely ask for help, only to have it shot down in flames. Not just by family but also by the DPP, Health Department, Police, Schools, along with Lawyers.
To use ones children for self-gratification to hurt another, for the reason that they are to lazy to help resolve issues, that for most, created due to their lack of communication, empathy or concern. Are in my opinion criminal, should be recognized as so. What my families have done to myself, my eleven-year-old son and the rest of my children in the past twelve months has caused other on going ramification in our lives.
Not only my partner of eight years, who left last July, after his abuse, but also my ex husband, they never respected my feelings or my sons feelings and should be in jail. The partner of eight years walked into our lives when my son was two years old, made promises that he could not keep, only to be the man he said he was not, and could never be, ended up financially-physically-mentally-sexually-parentally abused us all.
"What gives any one person the right to decimate an entire family without any ramification on their behalf?"
My ex husband felt compelled to join in the abuse by ignoring my cries for help with our children, felt the need because one was asking for counseling and mediation. After the ex-partner drove our girls out of the family home, the ex husband decided it was a better option to place a DVO on me so as I was not able to see our girls.
This ex husband was able to walk into the courts do perjury and get away with it, saying I sent threatening text messages, whereas it was he that rang, calling one a whore, have my twelve year old daughter text and say I was a slut and never wanted to see me again. Because this man never respected me in the first place, he forced me to go back into the sex trade, as we where having money problems due to his inability in not being able to work at the time.
This child has since returned home after twelve months, I sit back in horror on what she has become, her psychological battered mind, has been imprinted for ever, because of the two men wanting to hate me, for all their wrong doings. One does not just wake up one morning and decide they are going to turn on you, it takes planing and a lot of manipulation for others to believe in them, getting it to that point.
How do they expect one to react when your children are used as scapegoats, you see the abuse being done try everything in your power trying to stop it, including the involvement of the appropriate government departments. Back in February last year, 2008, my then eleven-year-old daughter had decided she had enough and caused an argument so she had a reason to leave home. Doc’s had interviewed myself, I explained what was and had happened over a period of four years prior to her leaving, then they spoke to her, later to inform me that she appears to be a very vindictive child. “Well gee, I guess she had perfect teachers to help program her” was my statement to them, never heard anything back.
Due to my ex partners financial downgrade I had to rent a room out, so as one could put food on the table for my son, it did not take long for them to also abuse my hospitality and walk out leaving me with more debt. A whole lot of other emotions that made one feel more helpless.
It’s the not knowing as a mother if your children are safe and their welfare is being taken care of, if their healthy, how they are doing at school, anything to do with there lives as a whole. When they take that away, it feels like apart of you has died. It sits in the back of my mind on a daily basis, to be denied quality time with my children/grandchildren, "heaven forbid" if they are suddenly taken by unforeseen circumstances, could place more ramification, one cares not to imagine, for ones to force fear that say they love you, Russian Roulette what a dangerous game to play.
If those who wake up one morning and decide, the need to use your child as a scapegoat, make your child feel the way you do about your partner, because you became a self, lost the ability to resolving your differences. Please think twice before alienating your partner from the children, it is mental abuse. It causes great suffering to all concerned, your Childs schooling suffers, it affects their social skills in be able to be apart of the community as a whole.
Parents have a responsibility to care for their children, when you take that responsibility away from a parent, that is only trying to do the right thing, does place other problems that should have been dealt with by communicating, if that is not a possibility seek professional help. It only ends up creating a cyclic effect of repeating its self all over again when the child becomes an adult. For parents to allow outside influences to cause deliberate pain and suffering, makes that parent irresponsible and neglectful.
You go into a relationship with the idea to creating a partnership, it should stay that way when children are concerned, even if you wake up one morning and decide to hate that person you once said you loved. children do not need the forces of evil thrust upon them, they do not need to grow up before their time, feeling alienated because one parent does not like the other. One has to expect their child to end up abusers or abused.
When, they see adults treating each other with cruelty. Grow up and take a little responsibility, it will not kill you. However, criminal abuse will. Ignorance and neglect by our judicial system and other influential government departments have a lot to answer to the ignorance. Just today I had a person knock on my door wanting to know if I would be prepare to give a donation towards the “Save The Children” Australia, fund in regards to child abuse, as most of the monies raised here, are sent over sea.
He was horrified; when I informed him of my situation. Stated to me that he wished me all the best, and that I should go on line to this organization, to send my story in as an example, on what our “government does not do, and that is, clean up their own back yard, before trying to clean other backyards”. Making them believe we are a lucky country.
Charity begins at home; our own laws have to become “uniformed” as a whole. It is a sad fact also insaulting when our pets, and the criminals have more rights, like the saying goes, innocent until proven guilty, when in fact for victims of abuse and other criminal acts, we are guilty until we can proven our innocents, in most cases it fails us all.
If I were in the public eye, "would circumstances" be seen in a different text, i.e. high profile celebrity? I guess money does really talk!
My son has been traumatized and psychologically damaged over the lose of the only father he knew. Due to the fact, my son knowing his biological father never cared for him; we were visiting a friend on this particular day, called into a small shop and who should walk in, his real father. My son asked if the man standing behind me was his father "I said yes" my son looked straight at him, smiled at this cruel, callous and heartless individual, treated him as a stranger. If you could have seen the look on my sons face that day, I felt his pain. But one can only imagine what he was really feeling.