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Rated: 18+ · Non-fiction · Animal · #1580910
This is my memory of a bleach party, Flesh Gordon, and a cat named Abigail.
Write a story or poem about having to get guests - that you invited - to go home.

“Your well water is contaminated.” Those words from the local inspector set off a chain of circumstances that would teach me subtlety or good manners don’t always work.

The next day, Ray from work offered to help me fix the water. “All you have to do is pour bleach into the well.” This made sense to me, and I invited him, along with his wife and son, to come over the following Saturday afternoon for a bleach party. Ray volunteered to rent some movies from the video store, and I offered to provide the food and drinks.

Around 5 p.m., their car pulled into my driveway, and Ray and I headed for my well shed. “I bought five gallons of Clorox.” Pointing to the plastic bottles next to the narrow hole of the pipe going down into my well, I asked, “Do you think that’s enough?” Ray nodded, and soon all five gallons of bleach were inside my well fighting those nasty germs.

My home soon smelled like a swimming pool from all the bleach in the water. It became stronger every time someone turned on the kitchen faucet. I found out days later, when the local inspector returned, that one gallon and not five would have been enough. The man quickly signed off on the quality of the well water. After that, he shook his head in what looked to me like disbelief and said, “There is no need to test the water since nothing could survive after all that bleach.”

For the next few hours on that cool Saturday afternoon, Ray, his family, and I stayed inside my small home watching the three videos he had chosen. Abigail, my 10-year-old calico cat, sat quietly high up on a bookshelf. From there, she was able to safely watch my company while staying out of their way. Eventually we all forgot she was there.

When I read the title of the first tape, I became excited since I’ve always enjoyed science fiction. Guess what? The film entitled “Flesh Gordon” is not at all how I expected that famous space-age hero to behave. Ray’s 12-year-old son giggled when the phallus-shaped rocket ship first came into sight, but his parents didn’t seem to mind. I do have to admit one scene was funny after the female inserted a jewel in…and they had to…never mind. Young people might read this and not understand the humor of the film.

The next two videos were not memorable, and soon the bottle of Mai Tai mix was empty as was a bottle of 101-proof rum. Friends know I have a heavy hand with alcoholic drinks, but Ray seemed to be able to handle the one-part Mai Tai to three-part rum mixture.

Darkness had come hours earlier, and I was ready for my guests to leave. More than ready, in fact. WAY more than ready! I tried subtle hints to let them know the party was over. One was to open the windows and let the cold night air in. Nothing. The three of them continued to sit on their director chairs they’d brought with them hours earlier.

Just before midnight, Ray made another pit stop to the bathroom. Shivering in the cold air and extremely sleepy by now, I watched him crawling back on his hands and knees from the bathroom to the living room. At last the Mai Tai drinks had taken over, and he was behaving like many friends had in the past. His wife remained untouched by the potent drink, since we and her son had shared a large bottle of Coca-Cola.

By now, I’d about given up with Ray and his family leaving. Maybe sensing my frustration, my elderly Abigail took over. Suddenly, this extremely shy cat jumped down from the bookshelf and landed on Ray’s empty director chair. Abigail looked over at me while leaving a present for him on the canvas seat. Trying not to break out laughing, I quickly cleaned up the steaming brown mess, but not before Ray saw it.

Recognizing my cat’s obvious hint, Ray finally decided it might be time to leave. After watching his wife pulling their car out of my driveway, I turned and gave Abigail a well-deserved hug and a bowl of cream.

So, if you have guests who won’t leave and a perceptive feline, you might try this technique. Just keep some paper towels handy to remove the “hint.”

Microsoft Word count = 737

"The Writer's Cramp daily winner for 07/14/09

© Copyright 2009 J. A. Buxton (judity at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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