A rambling young girl.
|If I could have any superpower in the world I would chose to be able to transform into a wolf. Why you ask? Because I wnat to transform and run and run and run and never transform back. I want to be able to run and never look back or turn around. I would never contact anyone. I would just run and go.
I want to be able to get away form everything that's in this small town and all my problems. I want to start over. I want to live a new life. I want to be free. Some people may call me crazy and some may want to join me ,but I want to travel alone. I would only take one person with me and they know who they are.
I wish to God every night that he would grant me that one simple wish , but he never listens. I'm a christian but it seems to me that he just doesn't listen. I never ask for much really. Just small things like looking over certain people ,but my request never gets through. It's like he stops listening when I start to talk. I remember asking my father to look over my uncle Judd but once again he didn't listen. Two months after I asked him to watch over my uncle, my uncle was dead. I want to give up on my father, but I know that it's wrong. What's wrong with me? Why doesn't my father listen? Why can't he just listen to my simple requests? If he would just rewind my life a few months I'd be happy. Then all of this would go away. Why can't he just listen to me?
Why can't he just take my life? Then noone would have to worry about me anymore. Then I would be happy. Everyday I go through Hell trying to live my life like a normal person, but I just want to break down and cry. When I'm finally at home and alone and I can without embarrassing myself I can't. It's like my body doesn't have the energy. It's like living in a shell. I've tried everthing. I read, I write, I draw, nothing helps. I've turned to drugs, pills, I've even cut my wrists, nothing releives my stress. What can I do other than ask my father for help? I can't even do that. It never works.
My friends try to help, but their efforts fail. I'm in counciling and that doesn't work. All that's left is not being here. I can't kill myself. I to afraid of pain. Thats why cutting my wrists didn't work. Everythime the blade came close I would shy away. If I had to choose life or death right now, I'd choose death. i may sound crazy, but I'm not. All I need is my life rewound alittle. Is that to much to ask for? Why can't that happen? Why is life so hard? Why am I writing this? I don't know the answers. I don't think anyone does.