by Lily White
An open letter for the one lost love...
|Just in love,
When I met you, it never crossed my mind that you would like a girl like me. I didn't even expect that you could spare me a hint of your attention.From the very start, I have always known that you're deeply in love with someone else. Unfortunately to a person who seemed not to mind your worth.
I was not meant to love you but I did.
I asked myself at first, if this was love or just a mere infatuation. I eventually realized the answer myself. I was able to figure out the difference between the two.
I knew that's it's love when I started feeling miserable.
I thought that I can control my heart and my mind but I was wrong. I was weak; because I can't take you off my mind and stop this feeling I have for you.
I told myself not to expect anything. I even asked you to stay away from me and I tried to keep my distance as well but I guess it's too late. I've learned that even if you're not with me physically, you're never gone, because you're just right here, in my heart.
I'm perfectly aware how hard it is to suppress your feelings, to pretend that you love a person when you don't but what I didn't know was that, its much harder to pretend that you don't love a person when you really do.
It's painful for me to see you almost everyday but I can't go near you. Now, I understand why the angel gave up his immortality just to touch his love even just for a single moment on the movie “City of Angels”.=)
Do you know how difficult it was for me to laugh when deep inside, what I wanted to do was to cry? I can lie to everybody and say that I'm fine but I can never fool myself. I'm terribly missing you every single day and I'm hurting, but what can I do? I fell in love with a man that can never be mine.
Before, I said that I'm not the jealous type of girl, that's because I hadn't experience it yet. I learned that I am also capable of doing so. I know that I don't have the right to be jealous but I have the reason to be hurt because I am not the one you love.
It's depressing to think that I'm not good enough for you. I never felt so bad about myself. Sometimes I thought, why did fate let us meet?, why did I love you?, why do I have to be hurt this way? That's the pessimistic side of me talking.
But to be honest, because of what happened to us, I have learned a great deal of very valuable things.
A friend told me, that sometimes we just have to know when to stop loving someone specially when we know that it's getting nowhere and it's making a fool out ourselves and I think she's right. I also found out that its also wise to love myself as well.
In addition to, I have proved to myself that not all love story is a fairy tale that guarantees a happy ending. But of course, that fact should not hinder us from giving ourselves a chance to love again.
Loving may hurt, yes, but come to think of it, all of us still wants to love and be truly loved event if it hurts because in the end it's all worth it.
And although it didn't work for us, surely there's a reason behind it. I always believe that God has better plans - for me and for you.
I want you to know that I have truly loved you and I enjoyed those times that we were together. And I do not blame you for anything, because I know that you never intended to hurt me. Perhaps, like me, you just happened to be also - just in love.