by Nathan Dean
This is going to go at the end of a story which follows the protagonist becoming insane.
|I feel as though I’m floating in a sea that extends indefinitely in every direction, with no sign of any discernable landmarks anywhere. The sea is time, and I am apathy; a person, any person you care to name, in the grip of the deepest state of nihilism. I have realised my own pointlessness and the pointlessness of everything else. I am now no longer concerned by the vastness of the sea, or by the lack of landmarks, because I have accepted that which every rational person must accept who opens their mind to reason and does not choose to hide the inexorable, unrelenting truth behind a paper thin cloak of distractions and excuses.
Whether I drown here in the oceanic void does not worry me. The idea of whether or not it would be a better prospect for me to be rescued by some passing vessel full of hope or for me to sink into the deep does not even occur to me. The monstrous entities that haunt the blackness do not frighten me, nor does the thought of the happy people waiting for my return to land excite me. Nothing, I think, will ever drive me to do anything ever again, save for breathing while my head stays above water.
The thought that there was ever anything which seemed worthwhile seems alien, I notice now that even the clouds have vanished from the heavens and all that I see now is black water and grey sky. I imagine that if I looked down I would see my legs already gone and the remainder of my body slowly disintegrating in the acidic nothingness. There is no end, and as the last of my mind breaks up and floats away into the ether, I find it difficult to remember a beginning.