Really Santa I have been very, very, Good!
I just wanted to write to you to explain my actions over the past year. Mrs. Claus told me that you have me on your naughty list. I think I can explain everything to your satisfaction so that I can go back on the nice list.
Now I know the year started out a little slow but I can’t see how you can blame me for the Johansson twins. What man in his right mind has not fantasized about being with two women at the same time much less twins? If you would like I can forward their letters to you so that you can see they say I was very, very good.
As for the Widow Jenkins, What can I say? She was a very lonely woman. She needed someone and I was just the man for the job. The fact that she died during my attending to her needs is not my fault. I can send you copies of the pictures to show that she died with a smile on her face. That should count for something.
Now Robert Smith’s wife wanted a child very much. He was unable to father a child as he was shooting blanks. She asked me if I could help her out. She didn’t want to tell her husband that the reason they couldn’t have kids was his fault. Therefore, she decided to try to get a donor to help. (I think that was thoughtful of her. I understand she is on your naughty list too.) I volunteered. It isn’t my fault that I had to try almost every day for two months. They now have a beautiful baby boy that looks just like me.
The other women were lonely and I was able to help ease their loneliness. Therefore, as you can see I have been very good. I have helped where I can and how I can. So if you would, please take me off your naughty list and place me on your nice list. I will try even harder next year to be very nice to the people who need me.
P.S If you have any questions just ask Mrs. Claus how good I have been.