One human struggles with being human, having a relationship with God, knowing what to do.
|Monday, August 19, 2002 - 7:35AM
Eternal Spirit. Supreme Being,
Thou who makes life and breath in all of our bodies.
You who keeps the world turning on it's axis.
I don't know, that I know that you love me ...or us.
In my heart I think things are set in motion,
and we have just attached the meaning of love to it
-- that it means that you love us.
Clearly there is something more than: we exist, O great and mysterious Spirit.
I don't know that I long to know you. But to worship you, yes.
You are more than I. I acknowledge my humanity.
Yes, again today I grapple, God, with who you are.
Perhaps I need to concern myself only with the God in me.
And yet I believe that we all share humanity
And thus in some way perhaps we are all one.
But there is so much sin and killing and destruction
and hate and lying. So much lack and wrongdoing.
I don’t know what I think of all of it. It's like it's difficult to get on top of.
And then perhaps that's the problem. Perhaps that is the mistake.
To distance myself from it as though I, too, am not a part of it.
I struggle to understand my place in it. What does this mean?
Enlighten me, Oh, God. Give me comfort in the midst of my struggle.
I acknowledge you. I acknowledge that you are Great.
That something created my ancestors ...and me.
Something determined and came up
with the concept and creation of humanity.
I don't know how we got here. I don't know the facts.
I don't know anyone who DOES know.
I know people who espouse that their beliefs are The Truth.
But I still believe their beliefs are just beliefs
And not verifiable facts at all. I don't think you fault me for this.
I believe in your Supreme Intelligence
such that my highest thoughts are folly to you.
Show me the way, O personal Spirit Guide, I Need you
And so like a child to it's mother, I love you for what I need from you.
For you to look out for me.
Teach me. Lead me. Guide me. Protect me. Comfort me.
Concern yourself with my every thought, deed, action.
And I will concern myself with looking to you in all those things.
I cannot effectively do this on my own. I am down here in the midst of it all.
I do not have the bird's eye view. I am mortal.
Whether or not I was mortal before, presently, [2:39]
I am having a mortal experience.
And I know no other way to look at things.
Things can get very confusing from this vantage point.
They can be upsetting and frustrating,
and seem as though we or I am going nowhere. Or as though I'm lost.
But you can see. You know what's ahead.
How the things that are behind play into what's ahead
And I believe, armed with that knowledge you’ve got it all in control.
You can tell me where to go, what to do to get to where I'm going.
To succeed. To accomplish what I'm here to accomplish
(assuming I'm here for a purpose).
And how to do it most expeditiously.
I want to succeed.
I want to make you proud.
I want to be the best I can be.
Help me, God.
Sometimes I'm lazy.
Sometime I don't care.
Sometimes I have NO desire to continue.
Many times I'm not motivated.
This is the truth of my feelings.
I don't know what to do many times with those either.
I presume I have them for a reason.
I crave your guidance. I don't say that the guidance you give me,
is the guidance others should follow.
I cannot concern myself with what others should do.
I have and am having a difficult enough time
figuring the world out for myself.