An essay on why it is not enough to love someone for a relationship to last.
|Love is not enough to make a relationship last.
It is essential, critical, but only a single part
of the whole.
To have a relationship last beyond that intial passion,
the early newness, both participants must be able to
This is a hurdle that many can't overcome because of
the idea that they need to change themselves for their
Why should anyone have to change at all for someone else?
We do change over the course of our lives but that is
from the reactions to different experiences, from new ideas
and values that are acquired throughout the process of
being a living organism.
When you choose to suppress who you are, then you are
living as an incomplete being and it produces resentment
and bitterness which leads to problems that derail
And if you are with someone, then you have to be able to
accept their flaws because those traits help to define
that individual just as much as their desired characteristics
As we grow over the course of our lives, the connections
and interests we have will change.
What we wanted at 20 may not be anything similar to what we
want at 40 and the realization that two people who were good
together for a while shouldn't require extensive therapy and
counseling to "fix the relationship."
If both parties want to make it work, then the relationship
can be fixed because the desire is still there.
However, if they realize that things aren't going to go back
and the relationship isn't what either of them want, the
persons involved in it should simply have the ability to walk.
Should we punish ourselves and someone else for changing over
time or can we see that a relationship needs to provide
something more and allow each person their pursuit of the
thing that makes them happy?
Life is too fragile for us to not seek out happiness, but we
can not just let it slip away because we're too frightened to
admit what we really want.
And no one should be frightened by what they feel.
If you're with someone that you want to be with, that person
should respect you enough to listen and be honest with you.
A relationship built on a lie will not be fullfilling because
that lie only shows how little trust and respect you have for
why would we teach children to share and be honest with us
when we are unwilling to do the same with each other?
Are adults incapable of seeing that the truth can be more
beautiful and magnificent than any lie could ever be?
Love is not enough to sustain a relationship, but that
doesn't mean we have to give up on finding it.