sometimes..

it gets upsetting

How I could have wished-
To peel myself from everyone's faces
from their memories
from their hearts.
How I would have wished-
To be alone again
just myself.

How I'd wish to disappear
to vanish-
to let all my trouble be forgotten
and gone.
How I wish to have never left a trace
a scar-
upon their already scarred surfaces
upon their hurt feelings
To have never been a part-
of it.

Of all the hurt that I am living
just by being amongst them
and just by being human.

As if being human and afraid is a fault.

How I wish-
just like I always wished-
To never have been here from the beginning
and to have never been born.

As if by wishing to be
just another white wall
I could have been that.
Instead I will vanish slowly
and with time will be remembered.
As a disease from long ago.