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Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Comedy · #1653254
Sometimes life is better than fiction.
Raising Eyebrows and Wheat

Chuck held the mic to his lips. “Speaking of cows, I had a pet cow once. We’d milk it every day. It wasn’t until my teenage years that we figured out it was a bull (audience laughter),” Chuck smiled and waved. “After a while the bull began to like it though, he’d come get us out of bed (wild laughter).”

“Seriously, though. It was rough on the farm. We were poor. Do you know how early farmers get up? And we had to get up earlier than that, just to steal the seeds (polite applause)” Chuck grinned, “Ghetto farmers is what they called us (laughter).”

“My Dad had a sense of humor though. He came from the big city. He’d tell us to go walk around the block. 14 miles LATER! (Chuck crawling as if in a desert) (clapping mixed with laughter). Water! Water! ‘How about some milk, son?’ No, that stuff tastes funny. (howling laughter).”

“Being inner city black kids we weren’t the brightest about farm terms either. What did we know? Anyone know what sow’s ears are? Or a bush hog? Yeah? … Well, tell me. Tell me!” Chuck flashed his bright smile to the audience (polite applause).

“Then there’s people treating you different. We’d have people visit, and they’d ask ‘Who’s farm is this?’ We’d answer: Ours. They’d be like, ‘Seriously’. No, No. It’s ours. OK. You wanna buy a bush hog?” Chuck paused, “Nah, we already got dinner lined up!”

“Thank you all. You’ve been great (Chuck bows and exits stage left).”

“Wow, Chuck you were killing them tonight.”
“Thanks, man.”
“You wanna go get a drink?”
“Nah, I have to get up early and get the crops in. Harvest time you know. 250 acres this year. Wheat, corn, and soybeans.”
“You were serious?!?”

299 words
Flash Stories Contest must include the words: block, ears, desert

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