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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1655239-Doctor-What
by Brahma
Rated: 13+ · Script/Play · Sci-fi · #1655239
An offshoot/parody of Doctor Who please ask permission if you would like to use thank you
Pilot Episode 1

(Chandice is going about her bussiness buying groceries, the cashier is her friend.)

Cashier: (coughs) :bandage is on his hand:

Chandice:You alright?

Cashier: Yeah, some blockhead bit me, guess I caught a cold from him. (starts coughing harder, falls behind desk out of sight.)

Candice: (obviously worried) You ok? (peers over desk)

(Cashier leaps up in a rabid state, foam in the mouth, zombie-like hunger. The supervisor comes to see whats wrong and gets several fingers bitten, one is bitten off. He screams, falls down, gets up and becomes another Rabid. Chandice gets cornered by the converting Rabids. The locked door beside her opdens revealing “Doctor What”)

Doctor What: Oh, you might want to come with me, your present companylooks a little peckish.
(Chandice fallows him in only to discover the other dorr is locked.)

Chandice: (exasperated) It’s locked!!

Doctor What: (locking the door behind them) Course it is.

Chandice: …Why?!

Doctor What: Well, (still working on the door) isn’t it obvious?

Chandice: …Nooo!

Doctor What: (finnishes with the lock) I locked it.

Chandice: Well, unlock it then!

Doctor What: Mmmm…No!

Chandice: Look, just unlock this door, or I swear I’ll toss you at them when they do break through!

Doctor What:I’m telling you, you don’t want to go through that door. (says while unlocking it)

Chandice: And I’m telling you, (opens the door still looking at Doctor What) you don’t want me going through you! (notices Doctor What gesturing behind her) What? (Turns to the door, Rabids reach out to her. Chandice screams and slams the door. Doctor What then locks it again.) What are they? Are they dead?

Doctor What: They’re called “Rabids”, and no, they’re not dead. Just give them a few hours to work the virus out of their system. Then they’ll be right as rain. …That’s kind of a weird expression isn’t it? Right as rain. Rain falls which doesn’t seem very right, wee I suppose it’ll be weidif it doesn’t, and after they fight off the virus they tend to fall too,so I guess I was rigt to say right as rain, right?

Chandice: (dumbfounded)… Just who are you anyways?

Doctor What: Oh! Sorry, here I am talking about weird sayings and I havn’t even introduced myself yet. I’m “A Doctor”, how do you do? (goes to shake her hand)

Chandice: (dismisses the gesture) Look, just tell me what’s going on. Are we safe in here?

Doctor What: (thinking)…Technically, the Rabids don’t have that long of and attention span. Their probably eating each other right now, wont they be in for a surprise when they come out of it. Ah well, I’m sure they needed to lose a some weight anyways...(pause for breath)

Chandice: You mean my friend is eating himself right NOW?!

Doctor What: ..Is he dead?

Chandice: He’s going to be if he keeps eating himself, I have to stop him before that happens, let me out!

Doctor What: Well if he’s alive when he was turned, the worst he’ll do is nible his fingers abit. Only the dead dead ones eat themselves, saves a fortune on clean-up.

Chandice: So which is it? Are they going to die or what?!?

Doctor What: None. Well except Dany over there, think he’s missing a finger, should probably get that looked at (beeping sounds, Doctor What pulls out a box and looks at it)… Well that puts a dampener in our day.. Okay, times a wasting, lets go. (gets up to unlock the door)

Chandice: Does that mean it’s safe? That their back to normal?

Doctor What: (still fiddling with the door) Oh no, it’ll be a long while before they come out of it, especially the ones I just rescued you from. No, we are leaving before the others get here.

Chandice: What? You mean more of those zombie things?

Doctor What: First of all, it’s Rabids, not zombies. If it were zombies then they won’t be coming back at all. No. The ones I’m talking about are the ones sent in to clean up the place. And when I mean clean up, I mean make things disappear, the place it happened in included. And if you ask me, I’d like to choose when I disappear, thank you very much. (unlocks the door) Ah, finally, lets go.

Chandice: shouldn’t we wait a little more? (Doctor What pulls her through) wha..!

Doctor What: Now remember, no sudden load noises, you do that, they’ll notice you. Just no sudden load noises and we’ll be fine.
(door across the room slams open)

Doctor What: And here I thought I’d be able to get away with that cliché.
“Freeze, Kenora’s Abnormal Investigative Team!”

Doctor What: And now we run!

Rabids start to frenzy again as K.A.I.T. agents start shooting nerf guns.

Doctor What and Chandice weave through the Rabids, a K.A.I.T. agent makes it past and starts chasing Doctor What and Chandice.

K.A.I.T. agent: (grabs Chandice’s arm) Wait, we’re just trying to keep you guys safe!

Doctor What: In that case, turn around, and save yourself before saving us.

K.A.I.T. agent turns around just as he sees a Rabid infect him.

K.A.I.T. agent: AHHH!! (falls and becomes another Rabid)

Doctor What: Once again, Run!
They both run through the streets, Docot What leading them, they get caught up at the traffic lights waiting for the light to change. When the light changes, they continue their frantic running till they reach a red phone booth. Doctor What runs inside, while Chandice stops short of the door.

Chandice: We’re going to hide in a phone booth now!?!

Doctor What grabs Chandise’s arm and pulls her in.

Chandise: (struggling) Let me go! Are you some kind of perver… (notices the inside is larger than the outside)… Ok, what’s going on? And seriously, just who are you?

Doctor What: (leading them further in) I told you, I’m a Doctor.

Chandice: A doctor of what?

Doctor What: Many things, now lets keep moving, we’re nearly there.

Chandice: Nearly where? Just where are we going?!

Doctor What: Well, if you must so terribly know, we are going to find out where the Rabids came from.

Chandice: (stops) You mean w’re going towards the place where the zombies..

Doctor What:..”Rabids”..

Chandice: … Whatever, the point is, you want to risk getting eaten by these things. Just to see where they come from.

Doctor What: Ok first, Rabids only nibble, not eat. They only exist long enough to cause widespread fear and panic. And second, I already know where they come from. I just want to know why.

Chandice: Why?!

Doctor What: Exactly! (reaches a door) Ah, here we are. (exits)

Chandice: (fallows and realizes that she just stepped back out of the phone booth) Wait, why did we step into a phone booth only to step out again? I thought you were going to look for whatever caused this.

Doctor What: And I am, and we’re here.

Chandice: (slight mocking tone) We’re here?

Doctor What: Well… In front of it anyways.

Chandice looks to where Doctor What was referring to and sees…

Chandice: … A hotel. These things are coming from a hotel?

Doctor What: Oh, don’t be fooled, the hotel thing is just a cover story. It’s actually one of those labs you see in the movies.

Chandice: What kind of lab?

Doctor What: Didn’t you hear me? A movie lab, and movie labs are never any good, especially with security. Anyways, wasting time, lets get moving.

When they step inside a security person meets them.

Security: Can I help you?

Doctor What pulls out the box from earlier and opens it to the security person. To him it looks like a security pass

Doctor What: CSIS Security, I’m here to check your security, to see if it’s up to snuff. This here (referring to Chandice) is my secretary, she will be writing down my notes as I conduct my tour, no need to join us I know the way around.

Doctor What and Chandice leave the baffled security person behind and enter the elevator.

Chandice: That was… weird. So, now that we’re in, now what?

Doctor What: Ever wonder why the pool is always closed?

Chandice: I don’t know, I’ve never been here. Maybe the had to clean it when you wanted to swim.

Doctor What: (turns and slightly shouts) Wrong! That, my dear Chandice, just so happens to be the lab I so mentioned. The “hotel” is just a front, in every reality I’ve been in; it’s never just a hotel. (they reach the pool level and get out) Now, where did they put the “fix-everything” button this time? Look over there, the last three times there was a shiny red button.

Chandice: (perplexed) A big red button. You’re serious.

Doctor What: … Well, actually it was either crimson or maroon. It was hard to tell with it being so dark and all. But never mind, it’s big, and hopefully... reddish.

Chandice: That’s reassuring.

Back down in the lobby a government agent enters and approaches hotel security.

CSIS Agent: (flashes his ID) CSIS. Reality Division. Have you seen anyone come through here identifying themselves as a CSIS Agent?

H. Security: …Yes. They took the elevator up a few minutes ago.

CSIS Agent: “They”?

H. Security: Yes, two of them. One was the others secretary.
SIS Agent: What floor did they get off on?

H. Security: the top floor, … the pool area.

CSIS Agent: (starts moving towards the elevator) Come with me please. I’ll need your assistance.
The hotel security person shrugs before following the agent into the elevator.
Meanwhile at the secret lab.

Chandice (exasperated) Look! We’ve been at this for a few minutes and I can’t find any shiny buttons, red or otherwise.

Doctor What: … Oh… That’s because there never was a big shiny button. (fiddling with something.)

Chandice: WHAT?!?!

Doctor What: Yeah, didn’t want you touching anything that would get us into trouble, so I made up the thing with the button. (stops fiddling with the object) Just goes to show you that no one can resist a big shiny button. (goes back to the device)

Chandice is obviously angry and starts towards the elevator.

Chandice: (at the doors) You know, I don’t even know why I followed you here in the first place. I could’ve just..

doors open up behind her, the CSIS Agent grabs her, Chandice yelps. The CSIS Agent moves in using Chandice as a shield, and pulls out a weapon.

Doctor What: Whoa! You don’t want to do that. If you shoot that thing in here you might accidentally release the Rabid virus! And I can tell you, it’s at a stage where you might not turn back if your infected, so please, put. It. Down!

CSIS Agent: I don’t think so, if me doing this is what’s keeping you back, then I’ll leave it where it is thank you. (moves closer to the pool)

Doctor What: Well, if you want me to move back, then I’d suggest giving that to the girl your hiding behind. I can tell from here that she can do more accidental damage than your intentional ones.

Chandice: (angry from insult) Hey! Are you trying to say I’m clumsy?

Doctor What: (thinking before answering) Eehhh… not in so many, or direct words, but yes. Yes you are a bit clumsy, why’d you think I asked you to look for a non-existent button? You know what? After this, I’m going to look for a reality where the “evil” people have big red buttons that destroys their life-long ambitions.

Chandice: (minorly dumbfounded, but immediately returns to anger) Hellooo! Still being held by a crazy person here!

Doctor What: Yes, in a minute. But it’s not just the villains that do this, the hero does it too. He, or she, leaves the save the day moment to the last possible second, meanwhile making as much a mess as they possibly can that it makes it hard to tell if they’ll win or not. And when by some miracle they do, there’s a big mess that nobody seems to care about cleaning up. All the people care about is having a parade for the hero who’ll live in luxury for the rest of their life. At least that’s what most assume.

CSIS Agent: So what’s your point? Are you just going to drone on and on, hoping to find a way to shut this lab down? Because I’m growing tired of your.. “antics”.

Doctor What: Hmm? Oh no, I already shut this place down before you came up. The cultivated virus that’s stored is dead, I was just buying time for the computers to be erased, that’s all. By the way, have you ever seen one of these before? (pulls out the screwdriver) A “Photonic Screwdriver” these things can do pretty much anything, in the right hands of course. And if you shine it in someone’s face like I’m about to, it’ll give the person a nice tan and a mild, but harmless, seizure! (points it towards the agents face)
The agent lets go of Chandice, screams, and falls over.

Doctor What: And I didn’t think that would work… Anyways (helps up Chandice, once standing, she slaps him) Ow, I didn’t think I was that rude.

Chandice: Well you were. Now can we please leave?

Doctor What: Of course, there’s nothing else to do here unless you want to go swimming. (Chandice gives him an annoyed look) Or not. (they both walk towards the elevator, the Doctor notices the befuddled H. security person) Ah, I didn’t think you’d still be here, cause when that guy wakes up, he’s going to look for someone to punt, and you are the closes he’ll see.
Chandice and Doctor What leave the “hotel” without further incident. They enter the phone booth, as they were walking around Chandice feels a strange wave of nausea

Chandice: Whoa, felt a little dizzy for a second there.

Doctor What: That’s because you just felt two realities merge.

Chandice: …What?

Doctor What: The reality we were just in was a few minutes behind yours, so when we changed that reality, it merged with yours.

Chandice: ..How does that work?

Doctor What: Well, the only difference between that reality and yours is a time lapse. And since you were there when the change was made the univers’s only way of correcting that impossibility was to merge that reality with yours. So now, that little experience you had at the store never happened. You’ve probably felt a merging before by the way.
They leave the phone booth.

Chandice: You mean when I get nauseas, that’s when a merge happens?

Doctor What: No, that was most likely motion sickness. What I mean was, when you had déjà vu.

Chandice:… Oh.

Doctor What: And now that I’ve saved your town, you can go back to your groceries. Cause even though the realities merged you and your “other” were buying them. Now shoo, I got things to do.

Chandice hesitantly leaves, and returns to the store. Everything and everyone is back to normal.

Chandice picks up her groceries and goes to chat with the cashier.

Chandice: Hey, what are you eating?

Cashier: Fingers.

Chandice:Fingers? (Eyeing)

Cashier: Yeah chicken finger, want any?

Chandice: (relieved) No thanks, cya.

Chandice was about to leave for home but turned back.

Chandice: Hey, can you bring this home for me? I got something I want to take care of.

Chandice race’s back to the phone booth and jumps into a normal phone booth. Seeing it’s normal, see jumps out.

Chandice: Doctor! If you can hear me, come back, I want to join you!

Doctor What: (steps out from around the phone booth eating ice cream) You want to what?

Chandice: Why are you eating ice cream?

Doctor What: What? This place has the greatest ice cream, why wouldn’t I eat it?

Chandice: …Never mind, I want to join you. I’ve been so bored! And after I got over the possibility of dying, it was kinda fun!

Doctor What: (in the middle of eating)… Ok, come on then.

Chandice: Wait, that’s it? Just like that?

Doctor What: Yep, just like that, you coming?

© Copyright 2010 Brahma (blackfire3 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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