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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1668479-Family-Advocacy-Group
Rated: 13+ · Script/Play · Comedy · #1668479
A sketch about two wholesome young people warning of the dangers of...something.
 
              GRAPHIC: WELCOME TO THE FAMILY ADVOCACY GROUP

                                  ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                        The Family Advocacy Group presents
                        this short informational video.

                                                      FADE TO BLACK.

                                                      FADE IN:

              INT. STAGE - DAY

              SARAH and ARTHUR are standing in front of a pale blue
              backdrop. They are both cheerful, bubbly, and very friendly
              in a drink-the-kool-aid kind of way.

                                  SARAH
                        Hi! I'm Sarah.

                                  ARTHUR
                        And I'm Arthur.

                                  SARAH
                        If you're watching this video, it's
                        because you're concerned enough
                        about the future of America to join
                        the Family Advocacy Group.

                                  ARTHUR
                        Good for you!  You've decided to
                        stop being a victim, and take back
                        America for our children.  As you
                        know, gays and liberals are working
                        double-time to force the gay agenda
                        on us, God-fearing real Americans.

                                  SARAH
                        And that's why now, it's more
                        important than ever before to learn
                        how to fight back.

                                  ARTHUR
                        As a Family Advocate, you will be
                        expected to keep yourself informed.
                        Gays and liberals will stop at
                        nothing to smear the faithful.
                        Your only defense is to know the
                        facts.

                                  SARAH
                        And that's why we're here to tell
                        you the facts.

                                  ARTHUR
                        Homosexuality IS a choice.  And
                        since gays can't have their own
                        children to turn gay, their only
                        option is to corrupt other people's
                        children.

                                  SARAH
                        The most common way for someone to
                        become a gay is to be turned into
                        one by another gay.

                                  ARTHUR
                        Children are the most
                        impressionable, so they are the
                        biggest target.  To protect your
                        children, teach them these facts,
                        and don't allow them to go around
                        people you think are gay.

                                  SARAH
                        It's important to be vigilant,
                        because a gay will not hesitate to
                        drink your child's blood!

                                  ARTHUR
                        Right!
                            (beat)
                        Wait, what?

                                  SARAH
                        That's how they turn people
                        gay...by drinking their blood.

                                  ARTHUR
                        I'm not sure that's true...

                                  SARAH
                        Well, I suppose technically, they
                        have to drink the gay's blood in
                        order to become gay.

                                  ARTHUR
                            (beat)
                        Anyway, be sure to teach your
                        children the signs. Gays tend to be
                        very neat, and excellent dressers.

                                  SARAH
                        Also, they don't have reflections
                        or cast shadows.

                                  ARTHUR
                        Are...are you sure about that?

                                  SARAH
                        Of course!  Also, they can be
                        identified by two small puncture
                        marks on their neck, where another
                        gay bit them.

                                  ARTHUR
                        That doesn't seem quite right...

                                  SARAH
                        It's a fact!

                                  ARTHUR
                        Are you sure you're not thinking of
                        vampires?

                                  SARAH
                        Don't be silly, Arthur.  Vampires
                        aren't real!

                                  ARTHUR
                        Right...

                                  SARAH
                        But gays are!

                                  ARTHUR
                        Yes...they are...anyway, be wary of
                        places where gays often hang out,
                        like dance clubs, or gyms...

                                  SARAH
                        Or old castles, cemeteries, and
                        crypts. Also, they can't go out in
                        the sunlight, or they'll burn up
                        and die!

                                  ARTHUR
                        Listen, I don't know where you got
                        your information, but I'm pretty
                        sure you're thinking of vampires.

                                  SARAH
                            (ignoring him)
                        They can also be killed by--

                                  ARTHUR
                            (cutting her off)
                        Whoa whoa, we do NOT advocate
                        killing gays!
                        It's better to pray for them, and
                        to cure them by introducing them to
                        God.

                                  SARAH
                        Well obviously curing them through
                        prayer is better, but you might not
                        have time for that if you've got a
                        gay trying to gnaw at your neck!
                        So if you're in an emergency
                        situation, and need to protect
                        yourself, they can be killed by
                        exposing them to sunlight, like I
                        said, or by driving a stake through
                        their heart.

                                  ARTHUR
                        No, you're not--
                            (beat)
                        Well, I suppose that second one is
                        technically true...

                                  SARAH
                        You can also keep them at bay with
                        crosses, holy water, or garlic.

                                  ARTHUR
                        Sarah, with all due respect, I
                        think maybe you're misinformed...or
                        maybe just confused...

                                  SARAH
                        Arthur, I'm not the one that's
                        confused...the gays are.

                                  ARTHUR
                        We should probably just end this
                        thing. Remember: you have nothing
                        to be afraid of, because you've got
                        God on your side. Just be vigilant,
                        and be sure to avoid the
                        propaganda. For example, don't
                        watch films that perpetuate the gay
                        agenda, like Brokeback Mountain...

                                  SARAH
                        ...or Twilight.

                                  ARTHUR
                            (beat)
                        Close enough.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1668479-Family-Advocacy-Group