thoughts strung along on a leash

short prose from 2008

My eyes can’t hold the connection with yours, your stare is harsh and judgmental. My movements feel magnified, impacting my life with every shift. Mixed emotions are replaced with a blank cold settling. Impossible to overlook, this ideal need. A wish for something external to seal my mind off of this cycle. We spin along in these circles, obvious problems eternally fixated. I want my mistakes to happen on purpose, control is callously perfect. You have juxtaposed my world, which i hate to say is something i wanted. Sometimes i’m sorry for the messes i make but today it’s very hard to feel these emotions as appropriate. Forgetfulness will contribute to my empty glances, perhaps the answer is all in lust.