A comedic play about a taxi ride dealing with three ditzy, rich girls and a slimy driver.
A taxi driver is driving and pulls up to a house. His or her driving is clearly unfit for this type of job. When he or she stops at the house, the horn blares. Three girls come out of the house, all of whom are very girly and slightly ditzy from the start. They squeeze into the backseat of the car.
Driver: So, where we headed?
Kelsey: We need to go to Blockbuster on third street.
The taxi driver starts driving. He slams on the breaks and all three girls slam forward, hitting their heads on the front seats.
Molly: Oww! That hurt!
Andrea: You messed my hair up. You know, I spent an hour working on this thing. And now, you messed it up. Thanks a lot.
Driver: Geesh, it isn’t like you’re dead. Try wearing a seat belt. (He or she keeps driving.) So, do ya want me to just wait for you at the movie shop?
Kelsey: Oh, no. We don’t need a ride back.
Driver: Well, how ya gonna get back?
Molly: Oh, my brother took my car to work. I have to get the car so me and the girls can drive up to the swimming pool.
Driver: You know, it would have been cheaper for you to just take a cab to the swimming pool. It’s like, three blocks away from where I picked you guys up.
Molly: Oh, really. Huh. Oh what do I care? I’m not the one paying for it.
Andrea: Besides, how junky would it look for us to pull up in a cab? I mean, come on, gross.
Kelsey: I know! I don’t want Luke to see us in this piece of junk.
The driver does a quick turn, making all three girls fall on top of each other.
Andrea: You should drive better. You aren’t going make very good tips if you drive like a nut.
Driver: Like I really care. If I’m lucky, someone will give me a three dollar tip. That’s about enough for one gallon of gas. It’s not going to feed my kids. It won’t pay my rent. What’s a few bucks going to do for me? I have nothin’ to lose.
Driver pulls out a booklet and begins reading while driving.
Kelsey: Umm, excuse me? Aren’t you suppose to be watching the road?
Driver: I got this. I’m using my left eye for the road and the right one for my booklet.
Molly: What cha reading anyways?
Driver: Oh, just some necessary reading for this job.
Andrea: Wow, I didn’t know taxi drivers had to be educated and like, train for this job.
Driver: Well, you see, I was suppose to do this a long time ago. Not just for the job but also so I can get my license back
Molly: What do you mean? Getting it back?
Driver: Ah, I had a little slip up with my license, lost it. I can get it back but I have to study for the test.
Molly: So, you don’t have a license?
Driver: That’s generally what it means when someone loses something. If someone lost their wallet, would they still have it?
Molly: Well, no. But if that happened to me, all I’d have to do was text Daddy and I’d pick another one of his credit cards to go shopping with.
Driver: Not the case with a license. Gotta earn it back.
Kelsey: So, wait, you’re not driving, like, illegally or anything, right?
Driver: Of course, sugar. Who do you take me for?
Andrea: That is so cool. You’re such a rebel. How’d you do it?
Kelsey: That’s it, stop this car right now. I’m not riding with someone who doesn’t even have a license.
Andrea: Please, Kelsey? I don’t want to walk the rest of the way. My hair will smell like air.
Kelsey: No. We’re leaving. Now. If Luke heard about this, he’d think we were such trash- reduced to riding with someone who’s not suppose to drive a car. Not cool.
Molly: Okay, fine. Driver, pull over.
Andrea: Mother Goose has to ruin any bit of fun we have.
Kelsey: Yes, right here will work. And we are not paying for this ride.
Driver: I drove you guys most of the way. There’s only another block to go. Half of the fair? Please, think about my little children. (He or she pulls out baby pictures) This is my oldest, Joey, and then this is my little girl, Sophie.
Andrea: Aww, they’re so sweet.
Molly: Who’s the man with Sophie in this picture?
Driver: Oh, I think its my sister’s friend.
Andrea: Why does it say Simple Framing and More across the bottom of it?
Kelsey: Hey, wait a moment. These aren’t your kids! These are the pictures companies put in frames when they sell them.
Driver: hey, cant blame me for trying. People are suckers for cute kids.
Kelsey: You make me sick. Out, now girls.
All three girls file out of car and Kelsey slams car door.
Kelsey: Good day to you. (girls walk off)
Driver: (looks in the back seat and grabs purse that was left behind) And good day to you. (laughs)