What are true friends? Do you know? Does anyone know? I'm here to share this with you.
(Disclaimer For my friend’s sake I used a different name for her, its Ani. All other names are real because I want people to know what happened from my point of view at least)
High school was hell. Every day I would repeat the same routine. My friends were not really my friends and my enemies were even more of a bother. I was not normal like the rest of the kids. I didn’t care for hardly anything anymore.
The only friend I had during junior high had moved to Arizona. She had her own life and I had to respect that even if I didn’t want to at times. Her Mother was so caring and calm to remind me that things change and it’s a learning process for everyone. I listened to those words in tears trying to understand, but it was hard too. I had no one left really.
The first year went by and I pretended most of the time to try and fit into the crowd. I knew I was not really a part of it. I just played my role as a loner, but tended to stay within the same group of people. It was easy to pull it off because we shared classes together.
Most made friends and kept together in the same group having fun doing whatever they like. My life was different. I didn’t get to do a lot of things the others did. I was sheltered, and wanted to break free, but I couldn’t. It was hard to do these things when you had no car and a Mother that did not hardly allow any sleepovers at all. It was out of the question.
So in retaliation I just did not speak much. Those who knew me, didn’t actually know me that well. Only bits and pieces were known because I didn’t like to get close to many. Only true friends I could actually talk to were the wrong kind of people. They were usually into hard core drugs, and breaking the law. You know, the rebellious type.
I didn’t exactly want that. All I knew to do was to get up each day and do my usual routine, however, one summer led me to the evilness of summer school. I knew people there. I didn’t exactly liked them, but they were people to talk to. One especially wanted me to meet new people, and admittedly I did not want too. She made me do it anyway.
I met a person that was way into drawing and writing. She was better then me by a long shot. I couldn’t draw very well back then let alone write, but I enjoyed trying to get better at both. I work harder each day even now to get better. I’m still not the best, but the practice over the years has helped me tremendously.
The person I met that day forever changed me. She was honest, and considerate of others. You don’t run into many people like that anymore. So, I finally decided hey why not? I could be Ani’s friend and actually speak words that are more then just one sentence.
We liked a lot of the same things, and got along mostly by jokes, but everyone has a starting point. She seemed a bit shy and with me being the same way, it was hard in the beginning, but somehow we managed. We were both nice people all in all, but we also had our faults. Everyone does. Some more then others.
Days went by until the next year of high school began. She wanted me to meet her best friend, Stephanie, and at first I was skeptical, but I had no choice. If I didn’t it would had been rude, and by that time I was up for it. Then that was the day I met her best friend. At first, I was very nervous, but everything seemed all right to me at least.
And to my knowledge everything was all right. We were typical girls. The three of us did so many things together and I was finally allowed to have sleepovers. Both were great to me the way I saw it. I thought they accepted me for me. Their group of friends even allowed me to sit at their lunch table.
I was wrong. There were things I did not know. After a year of friendship there was betrayal. I will add that all parties were guilty. Girls are mean, and I know this because I’m one of them. I was guilty just as they were.
In my defense, I knew I was wrong for what I did. I eventually admitted to it. But what I know now of what happened in this point in time back then, infuriates me. It never should of happened., but one was too selfish to give any compromises. Her name was Stephanie.
She pretended to be my friend for a year. How sad is that? Why do something like this? Its questions I will never get a answer for. The only conclusions I can come up with is possible boredom, and that some people are truly heartless if they do not get everything they want.
She forced Ani into not being my friend as well, but I had done wrong to her. I told a few lies to get out of possible conflict, and what can I say? I fucked up. She needed space, but I never got to talk to her myself over our issues. Why, one would ask?
It was raining. Whenever it did my internet would not work, and the person that called me on the phone was not her, it was the other, Stephanie. I wanted to speak with Ani, but I was not allowed too. So, when Stephanie explained things to me who knows what she left out and what she could of possibly added. I will never know.
The next day of high school was literally Hell. I went into first hour in tears. I had to deal with it, and people were so nosey. I just wanted to be left alone and cry. I didn’t get that luxury. Everyone kept asking me what was wrong. I wouldn’t tell hardly anyone. Only a select few. People that were from my former group of friends that came to my side. It was sad too. Out of so many three people only seemed to care.
I remember their names, and cherish their friendship with me even if it was just at school. April, Bridgett, and Andrea. They were all different, but good people for the most part.
The next hour was art class, and to my demise I sat with Stephanie. I remember her words to me as I sat there working with metals. “No one likes you. Just leave everyone alone.”
Sadly, and affected by it, I asked, “Even Tasha and Elizabeth hate me?”
Her reply was a simple, “Yes.”
The rest of the hour I was silent and ready to leave. And, I did.
To this day those words I remembered most. Not from Ani, or anyone else really, just hers. I never told anyone what was said, I kept it to myself for years until now.
The rest of the school year for months I adapted slowly. I tried to avoid people in the hall ways, at lunch I stood having no place to sit. Some days I ended up in the library or didn’t even attend school. I just remember Bridget always trying to distract me in the hall ways if she saw Ani and Stephanie, or April making me turn the other way.
Eventually I could learn to be alone again and start the normal routine like I always had. Yes, every now and then I would look in the direction of Ani’s to see how she was at least, but nothing more. (That I recall at least. Ani remembers things more then I do.)
And so things were starting to be okay again, until that day Ani approached me after school. Things were said, I was so nervous I cannot remember. I’m pretty sure she does, though. In that moment I saw true honesty from both of us. In the end, like most girls do, we hugged.
We became friends again. I dealt with the facts that she was still friends with Stephanie, but as I said before its hard to make compromises when someone is unwilling to do so.
I don’t know what happened exactly between their friendship. Only bits and pieces are revealed to me every now and then. All I remember is getting a phone call from one of Ani’s other friends telling me to get over to her house now.
I remember being like a cartoon idiot running out the door driving my car like no tomorrow and coming to her aid. It was sad watching Ani in pain and not able to do a damn thing, just sit there being there for her.
As years went by I’m still her friend. Sure, we clash…A Lot, but we always end up making up for it. Like I said everyone has their faults, and nit picks. It’s a learning process to keep a friend close to you through out your life, but I’m glad we managed it.
Oh, and by the way, Ani and I have been friends since Very Late 2003.
Now, some of you maybe sitting here, if this is ever read by anyone else that is, why write this? Because I felt it was needed, that’s why. I do not want your pity, or stupidity. I just felt like writing, and this was what came to mind. This is me sharing a piece of my life, as well as, Ani’s.
I want people to read this, then stop and think to themselves, who are your real friends? Think about it, and think about all the people you know. Who can you really trust, and who can you not? Truly, who could you see as your friend in the years to come?