please comment and give suggestions on how i could improve this story and a good ending.
|I was walking down the street marveling at all the beautiful scenery. The smell of fresh dew the grass was so green. It had a perfect luster and color that a fake doctored lawn would have. Then I saw her. Big blue eyes a happily wagging tail and playfulness with a hint of happiness in the dog’s eyes. I heard a car approaching, looking to my left I saw nothing. “Phew,” I thought until I realized that a truck was whizzing towards where the dog played at full speed. “Split second decisions”, I muttered as I bolted and jumped onto the dog shielding it from harm. I had always loved animals despite the fact that my mother hated them and thought they were disgusting. The truck hit me and I blacked out. When I woke up and looked around I saw eyes staring at me, there were green eyes, blue eyes, round eyes, oval eyes. I managed to mutter “where am i.” as I tried to sit upright and was greeted with a sharp pain in my ribs. I heard the o so familiar voice of my mom telling me that everything was okay that I just needed to rest. Suddenly, I heard a voice.
“Thanks for saving my life.”
Right then I thought I had officially lost it, for the puppy was the one speaking to me. I passed out again in shock. Then I finally woke up. In a feeble attempt to look at the clock next to me I was once again greeted with another pang of pain from my neck. A tall, slender man with green eyes all dressed in white peered over me examining every inch of my body. “Who is this guy” I thought “and what is he looking at. I took a look myself and couldn’t believe what was happening I was freaking naked for petes sake. I started to shout for my mom. She came running in pushing the strange man to the side and holding my hand she said “You’re in the hospital hunny this is Dr. Roy he’s trying to help you” While stroking the right side of my face with her hand. “Yeah but I don’t want him feeling all over me” I said turning my face away from her and pulling my hand out of her grasp ignoring the excruciating pain that followed. From the corner of my eye I could see that the Doctor had turned a bright shade of pink, I silently snickered. Sighing, my mom got up and apologized to the doctor and asked him to ignore my rude behavior and to just give me one of those ugly hospital robes they give old people. The thought of wearing that gave me the chills. Five minutes later the doctor came back and held the robe in his right hand and gestured for me to take it. It was either that or walking naked. I chose the latter.
As soon as I reached my house after being released from the hospital i hit my bed with a loud thud. i was completely exhausted. An hour later I woke up remembering the talking dog I shuffled out of bed and walked down the hallway to my parent’s room. I asked them what had happened to the dog. They said “The dog was returned to his owner, Mr. Jinx. While replying “thank you,” I dashed out the door and onto my bike I climbed; I was going to Mr. Jinx’s house. I arrived before he was about to drive out of his driveway. He winded down the window and asked if I needed anything. In a rush I said,
“I would like to play with your puppy, I was the one who saved him.
“Sure,” he replied reaching into the back seat to retrieve the pup.
Taking the dog I rode back home with the dog trailing behind. I walked quietly up the stairs being careful not to alert my parents that I had brung an animal into the house, they hated animals. When I was in the safety of my room, I locked the door and told the dog to speak. The dog yelled
A sharp rap on the door alerted me that my parents had heard a loud bark a not a what’s up.
“James, open this door right this minute” my mom hollered.
“Mom I’m not wearing any clothes besides I was only practicing for my school play”
“You hate plays”
“Not anymore, can I please continue practicing?”
“James you better not have a dog in there”
“Of course not, I know how much you don’t like pets” I said offensively.
“Then you won’t mind me checking then”
I was frantic what was I supposed to do. I decided to put the dog under my bed and then I thought she probably check under the bed first and decided against.
“James Isaac Patterson it does not take you ten minutes to put on some decent clothes and unlock this door”
“Sheesh mom I’m coming”
I quickly put puppy in a shoebox at the bottom of my hamper and unlocked the door. As expected my mom looked under the bed first, phew that was a close one. Then she checked my closet and some other places and gave up when she couldn’t find him.
“I told you I was only practicing for my play”
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you”
“That’s okay mom”
She eyed the hamper and said “I should take this laundry downstairs”
She grabbed the hamper and headed to the basement. Oh no, I thought I was doomed what would followed started to play itself in my mind. She would start to sort all my clothes in piles corresponding to their colors and would find a shoebox at the bottom. She would be curious and open the box and find puppy inside. “James Isaac Patterson she would shout “ she would shout and by that time I would five miles away from the house.