Like lightening, dozens of pieces of information suddenly connect unto a theory.
|There are things people believe, and there are things people know. I personally believe humanity and the universe are controlled by a Higher Power. Maybe God looks like Whoopie Goldberg. Hey, if that works for anybody, it's fine with me. |
I was brought up Catholic, and went to mass regularly until I began attending college, majoring in history. I learned that more than several Popes have had children throughout the centuries. Nobody told me that in parochial school. It certainly didn't follow the doctrine I'd heard all my life. Personal doubts began.
My father died that year in February too, during my second semester in college. My world gestalt had changed drastically with his passing, and my moral misgivings and ethical evaluation. Life opened a philosophical window in my brain. I became a thinker.
I read many books about many religions, not looking for something I was taught not to believe, but wanting to find logical religious concepts that I could think through, understand, and feel comfortable calling my own. I wanted to know all about what people through the ages had believed, and how people of different cultures around the globe had worshipped God and other deities--that the Catholic church would consider pagan. Except for literary mythological tales, the Catholic Church doesn't have any room for anybody but God.
The Catholics are very good at instilling the concept of guilt in their children. I felt the disdain of the church within myself during inner conversations regarding my beliefs. This deity research wasn't about breaking down beliefs held by those who worship a Christian God. I wasn't out to disprove the existance of God. I just wanted to know more than I'd been taught. I wanted to know what had been intentionally omitted about God inmy strict Catholic upbringing. My search for for my own unique way of believing and faith, and about the meaning of life and death.
Catholics aren't encouraged to become involved with other denominations. I remember as a kid, my mom got permission from our parish priest for me to be able to attend a non-Catholic church service on Sunday after spending Saturday night with a friend. looking into other religions is discouraged. I became a real Rebellious former Catholic by my sophomore year of college.
I was a history major for two years, and I read in book after book that an amazingly large number of deaths on this earth have been due to religious conflicts. My American opinion is that you should be able to worship your own way. Likewise I should be able to worship whatever way I deem fit for myself and my eternal soul. We can be different. It's okay. Let's just agree that differences make life interesting, and let everybody do their own thing. It's supposed to be that way in the USA, right? That was the point of religion not being tied to the government; it's called "freedom of Religion" and you can read all about it in the Declaration and Constitution.
I'll admit to a rather unique perspective on religion, having studied Buddhism, Taoism, Shintoism, Hinduism, and others. I'm not asking you to believe what I believe, because belief is a personal understanding. I read thought provoking material often. I have an English version of the Koran that I'm reading slowly, I've studied native North American Indian religions. Don't expect that being raised Catholic left me with Catholicdoctrine as my view about ethics, morals, and teachings in my heart. I consider myself generally a privately spiritual person. You don't need to believe what I believe. I want you to know what I know.
I remember how my heart felt like it was going to flutter out of my body. It was beating where I felt my whole body pulsating. I was breathing heavy, I guess hyperventalating. That was when I knew it for sure. 100%. I knew it for sure.
I knew, not just believed. I knew that just as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow that Michael Jackson did not die on June 25th, 2009. I knew it, and I had the proof in my head.
My weird life circumstances, including being diagnosed bipolar, and all the drugs I've taken over the years--first for endometriosis, and the past ten years for back pain--anyhow, when the news reporters broke the story about all the prescription pill bottles they found that Michael had kept on hand, I remember commenting to my girlfriend Jennifer, that if something happened and I ended up dead, my leftover pill bottles would probably number as many as were found at Michael's. I wonder even now. My doctors give me pills that don't work, or they have some side effect so I can't take them, and I ought to just throw them away, but I don't. Maybe half are sample packs I got from my former psychiatrist, and most of the bottles are psych meds, or some kind of muscle relaxer. By the time you hit 50 you learn more about drugs than you'd ever expect. I'm ambivalent about lipitor, but I take it. I love comic lines on medicine.
Which comic was it , maybe Robin Williams, said the doctor used to repremand him for taking drugs, and now at 57 the doctor tells him he better that the drugs he's given or he's gonna die. Somehow, I envision a real hairy arm with that story, and the voice I remember sounds like Robin Williams. I ought to check that out sometime.
But if you're still reading, the secret, what I know for a fact, is that on this date, October 23rd, 2009, I know and can prove how Michael Jackson could still be alive. I know he is. But if you'd let me take a little break from this, let me close this piece for now, and I'll link up the next bit when this is written. It will prove complicated to explain.
This is a first rought draft of a FiCTION work