Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1698700-THE-JOKE
by TS Boz
Rated: 18+ · Fiction · Comedy · #1698700
Tired of practical jokes that Nicky played on the band while on tours, Tommy strikes back.
As Vanessa was settling down on the couch in the lounge, Tommy was going through the drawer of DVD’s.
“So, what’s going on with Nicky?” she asked.
Tommy chuckled.
“Nicky Darren is about three things: music, girls, and practical jokes.
“We all prank each other, from time to time, on the road.  It breaks up the monotony.”
“Okay,” she said.
“Damn,” he muttered softly.  “I thought it was in here.”
“Oh, well,” he continued, closing the drawer.
Tommy walked over to the couch and sat down next to Vanessa.
“Nicky tends to do it incessantly though.”
He wondered out loud.  “In fact, why he hasn’t pulled one yet today, has me baffled.  I’m kinda wondering what he’s up to.”
He shook his head.
“Well, anyways, nobody has ever been able to pull anything major off on him.  That, I’m hoping, changes tonight.  We shall see.”
He told her what the plan he had in mind was. 
They chuckled over it’s simplicity.
“I’m just hoping that it works,” he said.
“Oh, it’s going to be good if it does,” Vanessa commented.
“I want to cap it off with a photo,” he laughed.  “Something to save for posterity.”
“Oh, that’s cruel,” she replied, chuckling.
“Oh, you think that’s cruel?” Tommy asked.  “Try going to the bathroom for your morning constitutional only to find out, after the ritual is underway, that there was saran wrap spread out across the toilet bowl.”
She cringed at the visual and laughed.
“JD didn’t find it funny at the time,” he chuckled.  “I can tell ya that.”
"I guess not," she chuckled.
"We arrived back at The Dungeon around 4 AM at the end of our last tour.  All I want to do is just go and sleep in my bedroom and my own bed.  Right?"
"Right," she said.
"I unlock the door, turn on the light, and don't recognize the fucking place."
"He paid my house sitters three grand...three GRAND...to rearrange the whole fucking thing," Tommy paused. 
He counted the list out on his fingers:
"My dining room was in my bedroom. My bedroom was in my living room.  My living room was in my den.  My den was in my dining room.
"The only fucking rooms that were where they were supposed to be were my bathrooms and kitchen.
"The house sitters were also nice enough to rearrange my cupboards and remove all the labels from the canned goods in my pantry."
“One time, Bobby taught him a quick lesson,” he laughed.
“What happened?”
“A little background here,” he prefaced.  “One of the minor stunts Nicky likes to pull is grabbing one of those little packets of salt or sugar, pretend he’s ripping it open, and dumping it over your head.  Which, rightfully so, makes the victim try to duck or take some kind of evasive action.”
“Right,” Vanessa commented.
“Well, after awhile, no one moved anymore and we’d all tell him to grow up.
“That went on for about a week.  Then one day, Nicky grabbed a packet of sugar, actually ripped it open, and dumped it all over Bobby.
“Bobby went ballistic,” he laughed.
“He jumped up and gave chase to Nicky and when he finally caught him, he took this big wad of chewing gum out of his mouth and plastered it in Nicky’s hair.
“It was a mess.”
She laughed.
“Nicky had to cut it out. 
“I mean, Bobby jammed it right against his scalp.
“The following day, Bobby, JD, Rock, and me were sitting around talking and Nicky came into the room, all pissed off, and I mean, pissed.
“He comes into the room, walks over to Bobby, and bending over, shows Bobby the bald spot he had on the back of his head.
“‘Look what you did,’ he goes.
“Bobby looked at the handiwork he was being accused of, pulled out the big wad of gum he had in his mouth, at that time, and applied it to Nicky’s scalp right next to the bald patch.”
They were laughing that hard, tears were rolling down their cheeks.
“I wish to hell I had a camera with me that day.  The look on Nicky’s face when it hit him exactly what Bobby did...oh, my God, Princess...it was priceless. 
“Nicky doesn’t bow his head anymore...at least not with Bobby around.”
“I guess,” she averred.
><TS...Mac here><
Tommy got his walkie-talkie.
“Yeah, Mac?”
><Gary just pulled in with a hot looking redhead and brother.  They’re looking for you?><
“Cool.  Show them to the bus, Mac.”
“And quickly.”
><Will do.><
“It appears the eagle has landed,” he said, with a smile on his face.
Tommy stood up, took her hand, and pulled her up to her feet.
“Shall we?” he asked.
They headed downstairs.  As they stepped through the galley, there was a knock at the door.
“That was quick,” Tommy said.
He opened up the door and standing on the other side of it was a buxom redhead with alabaster skin and piercing green eyes and legs that seemed to go on forever.  There was a tall, lanky black dude standing next to her.
“Wow,” Tommy said, softly.
The black dude said, “I see you approve, my man.”
His voice was all mellow.
Tommy shook the cobwebs out of his head.
“Come on in,” he said.
They stepped up into the bus.
Tommy introduced Vanessa to him.
Rufus took her hand and kissed it.
“Pleasure ta make your acquaintance.”
“Thank you,” she replied.
“This is Cassandra,” Rufus said.  “Sand, this is my man, TS.”
“My pleasure,” she stated.
“The pleasure is all mine.”
“She’s my best girl,” commented Rufus.
“She’ll blow Nicky’s socks off.”
“She’d be able ta do mo than that, my man.”
Tommy chuckled.
“I’m sure.”
The door to the bus opened and Nicky stepped right into Sand.
“Well, hello,” he said, eyeing her up and down.  “What do we have here?”
“You know Rufus, here,” Tommy said to Nicky.  “This is one of his friends.  Cassandra.”
“Saaweet,” he said.
Tommy reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.
“I owe you three, right?” he asked Rufus.
“Yeah, my man.”
“What’s going on?” inquired Nicky as Tommy was handing Rufus the money.
“I’m setting up Harry,” Tommy replied in a conspiratorial whisper.
“Oh, fuck,” Nicky said.
“But keep it on the down-lo,” Tommy remarked.  “I don’t want too many people to know about this, Nick.”
“Not a problem,” he commented.  “The secret is safe with me.”
He looked Sand up and down again.
“What I wouldn’t do to fuck you.  Dayum.”
“Well,” Sand cooed, rubbing up against him, “let’s go somewhere a little more private and we’ll talk about that.”
“Kewl,” he said, with a grin.  “Follow me.”
They stepped out of the bus.
Tommy looked at Rufus.
“Is she wired already?” he asked.
“Yeah, my man,” he assured Tommy.  “Her purse is both an eye n an ear.
“And this,” he said, reaching into his coat pocket, “is the receiver.”
He pulled out a device that looked like a Sony PSP, turned it on, and handed it over to Tommy.
“Saaweet,” Tommy remarked, taking it from him.
On the screen was a bouncing picture of the back of the arena.
“I love my spy gadgetry,” he said, with a smile.
Bobby, JD, and Ricky walked out of the back doors of the building and headed towards Nicky and Sand.  As the five approached each other, JD’s groin got closer and closer and closer to the camera.  The picture stopped bouncing.
“Oh, well this is a sight I didn’t need to see,” Tommy remarked.


NICKY’S VOICE : Hey, guys.  This is Cassandra.  Sand, this is JD.

Tommy, Vanessa, and Rufus heard Nicky introduce all three of them to Sand and heard them all exchange greetings but only ever saw JD’s crotch up close and personal.
“Change the angle of the camera, Sand,” Tommy muttered.  “I don’t wanna see this.”
Vanessa giggled.
Tommy looked at Rufus.
“Couldn’t you get a pin or broach that had a camera in it?”
Rufus shrugged his shoulders.
“I only have the device fo legal reasons.  It’s designed ta be placed on a table and pointing in the direction of the action.  Yo jus need ta take da bad wit the da good, my man.”
“Damn, man.  That sucks.”

NICKY’S VOICE : Keep your eyes open, guys.  TS is setting Harry up for something.

Tommy looked back to the screen.
“Well, thanks for keeping it to yourself, Nicholas,” he chuckled.

RICKY’S VOICE : Where is TS?

NICKY’S VOICE : On the bus.

“I’m sorry, by the way,” Rufus said.
“For what?” Tommy asked, looking at him.
“That I wasn’t able ta get a dude on such short notice.”
“No problem.  Having another guy here would of probably messed things up anyway,” Tommy replied.
“What?” Tommy asked.
“That device saves up ta three hours of video,” he said.  “So, I can copy it onto a DVD for ya when I get back ta my crib.”
Tommy smiled.
“Ohhhhhh, that would be awesome.”
Tommy looked back at the screen as JD and Bobby entered the bus.
“Hey, there Rufus,” said JD.  “How you doing, man?”
“Breezy,” answered Rufus.
“Watcha’ playing, TS?” asked Bobby.
Tommy looked at him.
“And why you holding out on us about setting up Harry?” JD inquired.
“I’m not playing anything,” Tommy replied.
He looked over at JD.
“And, regardless of what Nicky told all of you, I’m not setting up Harry.”
They gave Tommy a quizzical look.
He explained. 
“I was in here trying to set up Nicky when he walked in on the meeting.”
“Oooh,” JD said.
“Ouch,” commented Bobby.
“Yeah,” Tommy remarked.  “So, I covered with the ruse of setting up Harry and he walked off with the bait.”
Vanessa had been watching the video the whole time.  She overheard some of the conversation between Nicky and Sand.  She tapped Tommy on the shoulder.
“Tommy, take a look,” she said.
Tommy looked at the screen.

(NICKY’S hand pushes open a door.)

SAND’S VOICE : The men’s locker room?

(The picture starts to bounce again as SAND starts walking.  She’s walking down a semi-long corridor that eventually opens up into an area with lockers surrounding three of the walls and benches in the center of it.)

NICKY’S VOICE : It’s not a bedroom but it’s better than nothing.

(The picture stops bouncing again.  NICKY walks into the frame.  He takes off his jacket.)

“I swear to God,” Vanessa said, “at one point I heard her say to him that she likes a man who is secure in his masculinity.
“And that he said she didn’t need to look any further.
“She said, ‘We’ll see.’”
“What the fuck did I miss?” Tommy asked.
“She works fast,” commented Rufus.  “She’s gunna have him eating out the palm of her hand or my name’s not Rufus L. Jackson.”
Tommy walked over to the desk and sat on the chair so all of them could gather around to watch the events unfold.

(The picture turns 180 degrees and drops down about one foot and gives them a beautiful shot of NICKY’S knees.)

“Well, at least it ain’t his crotch,” Tommy commented.

(NICKY steps off to the left side of the screen and leaves them with a picture of a wall with a chalkboard attached to it.  They hear them making out for awhile then the screen darkens a bit.)

SAND’S VOICE (Cooing) : Oooh, you’re so hard.

NICKY’S VOICE (Breathing a bit heavily) : You noticed, huh?

SAND’S VOICE (Purring) : I couldn’t miss it, big boy.

(The picture brightens up again and they hear more making out.)

SAND’S VOICE : You wanna know what really turns me on?


SAND’S VOICE : Seeing a man wearing my panties.

“What the fuck?” JD said, in shock.
Tommy hushed him up.

SAND’S VOICE : Would you be willing to wear them?

(NICKY hems and haws.)

SAND’S VOICE : Please?

NICKY’S VOICE (Sounding concerned and a bit disappointed.) : Someone could walk in though. 

SAND’S VOICE : But you said you were secure in your masculinity.

In the silence that followed, Tommy said, resignedly, “Well, I guess that’s the end of that.”
“Be cool,” replied Rufus.  “She always gets whut she wants.  I’ve seen her crack tougher nuts.”
“I’ll bet you three Benjies he won’t,” Tommy commented.
“I bet he will,” Rufus retorted.
They shook on it.
“I want in on this action,” stated Bobby enthusiastically.
“So do I,” JD said.
“Oh, ye of little faith,” Rufus quipped.

NICKY’S VOICE (Relenting) : Damn.  Hang on.

(NICKY’S legs are a blur as he crosses the screen.)

“What the fuck?” Tommy asked.  “What the hell is he up to?”
Bobby crossed over to the couch and looked out the window.
“I don’t know,” said JD.
“That fuck’s up to screwing us out of nine hundred dollars,” Bobby stated, “that’s what.”
“Huh?” Tommy inquired, spinning around to face everybody.
“He’s on his way to the bus right now.”
No sooner did Bobby get that out of his mouth and Nicky came flying through the door.
“Could you guys do me a favor?” he asked, panting.
Vanessa bowed her head and tried to contain her laughter.
“What?” Tommy asked.
“Would you stand guard for me?”
“Why?” Tommy questioned him.
“Because that chick and me are hitting it off pretty good and I don’t want anyone walking in on us.”
Tommy rose.
“Yeah, okay,” he said, in disbelief. 
“Cool.  We’re in the men’s locker room.”
“We’ll be there.”
“We’ll?” Nicky asked.
“Well, there’s more than one entrance to the locker room,” Tommy reminded him.
“Yeah.  That’s true.”
Nicky noticed Vanessa's shoulders jerk.
“What’s wrong with her?” he inquired.
“She’s not feeling good,” Tommy stated.
“Oh, sorry to hear that,” he said compassionately.  “I hope you’re feeling better.”
She waved a quick thank you and ran towards the back of the bus.
“Don’t keep the girl waiting,” Tommy said to him.  “We’ll be down.”
Vanessa heard the door shut from the other side of the wall and busted out laughing.
“You can come out now,” Tommy yelled to her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, laughing uncontrollably.
“It’s okay,” Tommy replied.
He opened the drawer to the desk and pulled out a camera.
“If this is going to cost me three hundred dollars, I want a picture of it.”

Tommy, Vanessa, JD, Bobby, and Rufus were walking from the bus to the arena.
“What’s going on?” Tommy asked Vanessa.
She looked at Rufus’ gadget.
“Nothing so fa...No, he just crossed the screen,” she replied.
As they entered the back doors of the arena, they saw Ricky standing at the locker room door.
“Hey, what the hell is going on?” he yelled to them.  “Nicky came running through here asking me to guard the door.”
“He’s got a girl in there,” JD said.
“Yeah.  He doesn’t want to be disturbed,” continued Bobby.
Vanessa started describing what was going on as the five of them reached Ricky:
“Nicky’s legs are on the screen...he’s taking off his shoes...his pants just dropped...he’s stepping out of them...there go his boxers.”
“There goes our nine hundred dollars,” moaned Bobby.  “That bastard.”
She chuckled and continued:
“He’s stepping out of them...”
“Oh, God...No, don’t do it, Nicky...don’t,” pleaded JD.
“What’s going on?” Ricky asked.
Vanessa hushed him.
“Nicky is about to try on a pair panties,” Tommy said.
“Get the fuck out,” he replied.
“I wish,” snorted Bobby.
Vanessa handed back the gadget to Tommy and they all gathered around it.

(NICKY’S hands drop down across the screen.  They’re clutching a pair of skimpy, lacy, pink thongs.)

“No, no, no, no, no,” moaned JD and Bobby.
“Get used to the idea, guys,” Tommy commented.  “We’re going to lose it.”

(NICKY’S legs move in such a way as to suggest just exactly what we’re about to see.  He pulls the thongs up his legs.)

Bobby slapped his hands against his temples in disbelief as JD groaned.
Tommy just stood there shaking his head.
As Vanessa and Ricky laughed, Tommy mumbled something.
“What did you say?” she asked.
“I said, ‘What won’t this guy do for a fuck?’.”

SAND’S VOICE (Cooing.) : Oooh, sexy.  Strut that stuff for me, big boy.  (NICKY turns and struts away from the purse to the wall, pivots, and comes back.)  That’s soooo hot.  Do it again.  (He does it again.)

Bobby, JD, and Ricky were making sounds of disgust.
“That’s it,” Tommy chuckled.  “I’m going in to get a pic.  Anyone who wants to follow, including you, Ness, keep quiet, and stay against the wall.  I don’t want him to see us.”
He opened the door cautiously.  Down at the end of the hall stood Sand.  He showed her his camera when she glanced at them.  The nod of her head was almost imperceptible.
Rufus tapped Tommy on the shoulder and motioned for him to close the door.  Tommy did.
“What?” he ask.
“I know her cues, my man,” Rufus answered.  “Gimme the camera ‘n’ I’ll get the shot fo ya.”
“Okay,” he said.
He handed Rufus the camera.
“I want two shots.  One from behind and one from the front.”
“Gotcha,” Rufus replied.
They snuck in the door and, hugging the wall, quietly made their way down the corridor.
“Ooh, baby, turn around and shake that ass for me,” Sand purred.  “You’re making me so hot.”
She motioned for Rufus and the others to come in and to keep quiet.
“Ooh, yeah, baby, shake that ass for me.” she cooed. 
Rufus walked in, knelt, put the camera to his face, and waited for the rest to gather around him.
All the while that this was going on, Sand was prompting Nicky to keep shaking his ass, cooing, “Ooh, baby, you're making me so wet.”
Nicky was facing the wall shaking and flexing his ass cheeks.  With his hairstyle and physique, Vanessa admitted to herself, that from the rear view, he could make for a rather attractive female.
Tommy tapped Rufus on the shoulder.
There was a flash of light from the camera, followed by the whir of the film advancing. 
As Nicky spun around, everybody clapped. 
He stood there...frozen...like a deer caught in a set of headlights.  Vanessa observed that he was busting out of the panties.
There was another flash from the camera, followed by the whir of the film.
The door on the arena side of the locker room flew open, followed by whistling and talking as Nicky tried, unsuccessfully, to cover himself up.
Everyone looked toward the sound of the commotion in time to see Harry appear with Wasted right behind him.
As Wasted busted out laughing over the sight of Nicky standing against the lockers wishing he was dead, Vanessa figured, Harry stood there frozen, speechless...his mouth agape.
Rufus snapped a quick picture of Harry and Wasted.
Harry closed his eyes slowly while looking up toward the ceiling.
“Take me now, God,” he said quietly.  “For I have seen more today then I have cared to see.”
She turned back towards Nicky, who was slowly regaining his composure, as the door to the corridor opened up.  Nicky closed his eyes.
She could see the thought running through his head: Now what?
As she completed her turn to the door she entered, a rather muscular fellow was walking towards the group.
Ricky, Bobby, and JD started laughing hysterically.
“Hey, Butch,” Tommy said, laughing.
“That’s our wardrobe guy.”
As Tommy whispered that to her, she overheard Nicky say, “Oh. God. No.”
“There you guys...”
Butch stopped in mid thought and did a double take on Nicky.
His voice oozed with lust.
“Wow, baby,” he said slowly.  “You look mighty sexy in those panties.”
He growled at Nicky.
As Rufus sat on the floor, laughing his ass off, Nicky shouted:
“Oh, for Christ sake, here.  Just suck my fucking cock.”
Vanessa looked back at Nicky, who was standing there, as naked as the day he was born, holding a pair of torn panties in one hand and wagging his cock with the other.
Butch fainted.
Rufus howled in laughter.
Why did I come in here?” Harry cried as he hurried past everybody towards the door to the corridor. "You guys are SICK.”
Tommy looked at Nicky and smiled.
“You won’t fuck with my furniture again, will ya?”
Nicky dropped the panties, stopped wagging his cock, and looked at him in silence for a few seconds.
“Son-of-a-bitch,” he said in awe.  "You got me.  You got me good."
© Copyright 2010 TS Boz (ts_boz at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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