A Spirit To Be

FEATURED in The Writing.Com Newsletter - Mystery: Conquering Writer's Block with Art - Editor's Picks, March 30, 2011

FEATURED in the Writing.Com Newsletter - Spiritual: Is There Anybody In There? - Editor's Picks, by Shannon , March  20, 2013

FIRST PLACE in The Genre Four Times Contest, by pinkbarbie, October 15, 2013

FEATURED in the Writing.Com Newsletter - Horror/Scary: Darkness - Editor's Picks, by octobersun, December 21, 2017

I was dormant. I was a formless matter in His mind; latent yet invisible. Then, I was created. I am. I exist. Here and now in this blue planet, this universe, this Galaxy and this beautiful Solar System. I don't know where I really am but I know that I will be, somewhere, very soon. I came from the wind and dust, light and air, moon and stars. I came through a tunnel of lightning and energy, chemically and spiritually formed by spiritual and cosmic forces; imagining my first and unique cell.

I just sensed it all through my closed eyes and I suddenly knew existence! I will soon be, live, flourish and grow, love and learn. I will breathe and develop. I will not float anymore and I will move and know freedom on Earth. I'll exist in another way or shape. I am abundant and will be unlimited to independence. I will be sufficient and fruitful because I am eternal.

I was cooled and blown by a vital breath of life, love and awe and I became a particle of immortal and immaterial essence; I became “en-souled” and there is aliveness in me that I cannot even explain to myself and maybe, neither you, can comprehend all this as a human being. I am a heavenly precious gem that will develop spiritually and physically…Oh how to explain this wonder and marvel? I have feelings and existence of my own; still, I have not been born yet. But I know the meaning of vital life.

I can feel you. I hear you. I will be in you now and live through you. I am full of hope and trust.

I have been created and empowered with light, and life because of you. I am living, and will live because of you. Am I within you already? I know you can't feel me. I know you are young. I know you might be as young as I am but I need you to understand that you are older because you are there; it’s mostly because you have lived more lives than I have. I want to be in this planet and live an existence with you. You are giving me a chance! Our connection will be everlasting.

I am a spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and hope. I have a future. Many futures ahead. Oh so many lives so that I can be, exist, create, learn, know, love, forgive, teach and fulfill other people's existence and other people's lives. My innermost desire: to be carnal, not spiritual anymore because it is through this way that we can trust in our own efforts to be free; to live, know, love, learn and forgive. We cannot understand ourselves if we cannot comprehend the spiritual power of life's mystery.

I will be able to witness what takes place in the planet and its history and I'll be able to leave tracks of my story, my creation, my life, ideas, thoughts and maybe my own children; they will witness more marvels and wonders and elaborate ways to leave their mark in the world as well. You will be able to leave your own mark… me! What a wonderful thing is this so called life!

I love you already. You are loved and wanted by me in the tenderest of feelings. I will live within you and out of you and I will protect you forever and more after that. I am grateful for you and for the chance you will give me; I was created because you asked for me to come to you with all your might. All is listened to and all is scheduled and so, you want me in your present.  And, I will want you in my future!

There is so much I have to tell you... Oh... of beauty and cycles and evolutions of the spirit within. I will teach you and you will teach me and we will both learn together, mother and baby, spirit and spirit; the magic ectoplasm of wonder. Thank you. Oh I thank you for the chance, the progress and the evolution of myself! I want so much to be. I need your direction and protection. I am so pleased that I am crying even though I cannot feel and taste the tears as I am too little an idea within.

The soul of what and who I am, as an incorporeal essence of a living spirit in you, will transcend all possibilities! I will seek to rise above the entanglements of life and death with your help, and, with the guidance of your integral and essential consciousness, I will be.I will have mind and self and I will grow beautifully and strong, transcending material existence. I love you with all my heart and soul. I am you. You are me. A spirit to be. I will be your everlasting child.



Oh no. What is this? What is happening to me? What do I feel? Oh... my littlest of pieces are being torn inside of you and outside of me! I must hide, escape from this... thrust, this noise, this force. I hurt.

Is this… pain? I... I ache. It’s cold like ice. I bleed. Why? What… what is this deep pain I feel? Why do I feel so helpless, so lost and abandoned? Why do I suddenly feel as if I have no more legs and arms, body and soul? I feel drained and sucked into a long, awful, black hole without light. No more hope! No more to be. Where will all my hopes and dreams go? Why? Chaos. Is this chaos? Is this the not… to be? Not exist? Why? I don't understand this blackness, this sadness, this violence, this badness and complete and total void, this total emptiness! Why is this happening? Why don’t you want me?

Why are you taking me away from you?

Oh more... thrusting. Oh… Why do I have to feel this horror? My littlest of pieces are being torn inside of you, violently! I’m injured. I’m damaged in tiny pieces. I feel abandoned and frail. I’m assailed and I’m torn. I’m a torn angel in pain. Mother, why?

I am losing myself and my consciousness; here is dark, it’s scary. It’s quiet. I’ve lost my footsteps to choice, to freedom and liberty; to being an en-souled child. Your child. I suffer. I hurt so much; this cuts and burns. Oh I am forgetting what I am, I will forget you, my mother --- my bridge to existence. Oh I am going away, painfully. I am destroyed. No Spirit to Be. Lost dreams.

Where will my thoughts and memories go, hereafter? No more you and me. Only you. Where will I go now? What will I be? How will you be now, without me? And I, I only wanted to be with you… Oh I forget the known thoughts of once... being and I now… I now forget and abandon myself to the blackness and to the unknown nothingness of my fate.



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