An attempt at a comical creative nonfiction piece about love, betrayal and laptops.
Dell and the Charming Hacker
I have decided that I have an unhealthy relationship with my laptop. I have only had my Dell for about a year, but I rely on it far too much and confess that I have an affinity for it that rivals some of my personal relationships with actual people. I wouldn’t admit that out loud, of course, but I feel a certain amount of freedom in the typed word. The fact that I am even typing this now at all, on a desktop especially, shows that while I love my laptop, when push comes to shove, we are not 100% committed to one another. No, I cannot claim that I will be faithful and only type on my laptop from this day forward because, over this past weekend, Dell betrayed me in the worst way possible.
I have been going along this semester, working hard and trusting my beloved to hold on to and protect all of my required writing and homework, as well as some photos and free writing I have been working on. Dell never gave me any reason to doubt that my work would always be there safely waiting for me, which is why I was so shocked when this past weekend, without warning, my laptop apparently let its security system expire and proceeded to surf the internet sans protection. I am sure you can imagine what happened next. While surfing, Dell became acquainted with a hacker, whom was sneaky and charmed his way in, first disabling any firewall system that may have been available and then attacking everything in sight.
Nothing was left untainted by this encounter. Pictures were strewn about until their images could no longer be discerned. Documents were seemingly destroyed beyond recognition. Files were scattered and damaged until they no longer could even be opened. I panicked and tried to reason with Dell, going through the motions that have worked for others I know who have been through a similar situation with their own laptops, but nothing worked. I was then forced to realize I had lost Dell to the hacker and face the reality that I alone could not help him get well. I’m going to be honest and now admit that a few tears were shed while I made arrangements to find appropriate help.
On Monday morning, I dropped Dell off at a place equipped to really help debrief him and clear his brain and memory of the hacker’s brainwashing. Only time will tell if my laptop will be the one I have built a relationship with over the past year or if I will need to re-teach Dell how to perform all of the duties once run through without hesitation. The minute I left Dell, the reality of my situation set in. Work that I had done to get myself “ahead of the game” is suspended somewhere in virtual limbo within the scrambled brain of Dell and I have no idea if I will ever get it back.
This is all an explanation of how, though I love my Dell and felt a personal betrayal, I cannot hold it accountable for these exploits. I eagerly await the return of my laptop as much as one anticipates the first day of spring. I will take Dell back in whatever condition it returns to me in and I am sure it will not be long before I am once again too reliant on my dear, sweet Dell.