Ever feel as if your soul has abandoned you?
|I awake everyday wondering who I am. Who is this person I have become? Finally, I have come to realize that I just don't know. I was once a cheerful and pleasant one to be around. Somebody who others enjoyed being in the company of. Quite laid back and untroubled really. And now? Now I feel hollow inside, as if I am a shell, wandering down a path of self destruction. I haven't reached the point in which drugs have become an issue and hope that I don't. Some how I've managed to avoid that route and would like to continue doing so. However, I have been feeling the urge to drink more. Luckily, willpower is strong enough to avoid that as well. How do you find a temporary escape from a constant battle of thoughts and emotion without these? Mainly, the only feelings that seem to consume me as of late are rage and hopelessness. This in return, I am faced with a rather important question.. What will it take? What will it take to feel the need to keep going on? Or feel as if my soul is still inside me? I do not place blame on anyone but myself for this agony. In fact, I feel a great deal of sorrow for anyone and everyone who comes near me. My mind is so complex that it seems rather impossible for another to get the concept of my thinking, Why bother speaking if my words have no meaning but only to myself? I wish that I could take a nice long walk through my mind and examine every fragment of it. I'd like to figure out what it is that's consuming me before I'm lost in this black hole that I have created. This to me, seems feasible... but I am not certain.|