by MJ Stewart
The sound I hear in silence and how at times it can be so deafening.
|The sound of silence can be one of the most deafening sounds around. I have sat and listen to the sounds of silence. It can be the loudest noise heard at times. I have often wondered what it will be like when I go completely deaf like the doctors have told me I would in the years to come.
I have had many deaf friends in my lifetime and never once did I ask any of them what it was like to be deaf. I never saw the difference in them that way. We communicated with our hands and body language just fine. It never occurred to me to question the sound of silence that they could hear. But as my hearing goes more each day, I find myself doing just that. Questioning the sounds of silence to the hearing impaired.
I know there are many things I miss around me due to my hearing loss. I have noticed that others around me become agitated at having to repeat themselves to me. I try to explain that if they turn away from me I can no longer understand what they are saying. If a person speaks softly, or does not articulate there words well enough that I can understand what they are saying, then those around me become upset with me.
I try not to make people repeat themselves anymore than I have to. And I find that when I do this I am missing out on a lot of what is said around me. I try to read peoples lips at all times so I can get a visual of how their lips form when they say certain words. But I am finding that most people do not move there lips when they speak. At least not to where I can tell that the lip movement matches the sound I am hearing.
I have often wondered how well I will adapt to the loss of my hearing. But more importantly, I wonder how others will be able to adapt to me. I understand sign language and have used it for a number of years. I have taught it to my daughters as well as to my grand children. I do not use it everyday any longer as those around me do not understand it. But I try to practice it from time to time.
The old saying, “Use it or loss it”, I believe. I do not want to lose the ability to communicate with my hands. I know I will be able to speak, but I have noticed one thing about the hearing impaired they do not know how loud or how softly they are speaking. And too, the words sound different.
I have plans of starting a business with my life mate and often wonder how all of those plans will be affected by my loss of hearing. I will not change the plans I have laid out for myself. I am going back to university and have enrolled in a Bachelor of Science for Business Management. I often think to myself, “At my age, what am I doing under taking such things!” But now I tell myself I am making sure that I can work for as long as I choose to work despite any disability I might have.
After all, I will be one of the owners. I can work along side the best of them. And I will not have to listen to the complaints. So, I smile even though someday I will no longer hear the beautiful sounds of my children and grandchildren voices. Because I know I will be just fine with the sounds of silence.