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Rated: E · Prose · Opinion · #1737259
Where has weather gone?
         Where has weather gone? What happened to it? It was here every day up until a few years ago, now it’s presence is sporadic. Surely everyone over the age of fifteen can remember weather. It was the perennial conversation starter or in some situations, the whole conversation. Everyday friends and neighbours would give us the weather forecast. Nice day. Bit wet. Wind’s nippy. People accepted the given weather conditions on any one day.

         Sure they may not have liked it because rain can have a dampening effect on everything, especially the mood of golfers, but it didn’t stop real men from playing football. Rain was needed, be it somewhere else.

         Rain fell as ‘a nice drop’, ‘can’t be too much’ or ‘more than we need, but somewhere or someone will need it’. Yep, even floods were accepted as nature’s way of self correction. Did some good as well. Sure some drowned, houses were lost and crops and cattle were ruined, but floods sorted out the strong swimmers from the weak, the smart from the dumb, forced housing onto higher, safer ground and upped the prices of produce and we know who that helped.

         Droughts always started out as ‘a nice day’, crept along to ‘a bit warm’ then ‘bloody hot’. Eventually it cooked the thermometer into boiling, and left a man with only one thing to do - ‘have another beer.’ Woman, being born martyrs, reluctantly accepted it was too hot to tan, and bravely dealt with the adversity of whinging kids, higher prices of produce and idle men drinking beer because it was too hot to do anything else.

         At that time, large supermarket chains paid Weather a commission for the extra profits they attained through weather induced ‘natural disasters’. This contracted connection allowed Weather little recognition but when the heat was on or the consumer was drowning in debt to feed their families; Weather was left to weather the blame.

         So where did that weather go? Out the door with commonsense to attend an Al Gore convention. In Gore, it saw itself. There was some commonality, both are unreliable, full of piss and wind and had the knack of turning up when they were least wanted. Like Al, Weather too didn’t like being taken for granted. Hell, no matter what happened anywhere in the world, it was there. Behind all good and bad news items, weather was in the background, unmentioned and taken for granted. Remember seeing Al poking his head out behind Clinton. No. That’s because Clinton’s smile was so big at the time, a lot of people were dazzled. Now we know what he was smiling about, and poor Al missed out there as well. So Al and Weather wanted more recognition.

         Having on several occasions had his parade rained on and a belief that the sun shone out his arse, Al and weather were no strangers to each other. Al being a simple man found Weather a little complicated to understand and sought help from Google. Terms such as ‘atmospheric pressures’ were new to him, although his forays into politics gave him an understanding of what it meant. Here was the opportunity for his political ability’s to again serve him as recklessly as they had done before.

         Politics is about prevarication and generalisation. Applying this to Weather was easy. Take the truth that weather changes itself and the environment then give it a broader scope, to lessen the likelihood of having to prove any understanding or knowledge of the intricacies of the subject. Thus Climate Change, now Weather in drag, hit the media.

Under this new name and with Al Gore as it’s manager, Climate Change hit the headlines and both got the much craved for attention, with neither having to do anything different. It still rains and snows and there is sun and wind and Al looks straight at the camera and speaks with complete honesty, or his perception of it, and shows his capabilities as a leader.

         I for one however miss Weather. For hundreds of thousands of years, Weather and Nature were the perfect couple. Together they wreaked cyclical changes of monumental proportions upon the earth making it the perfect environment for man to continually adapt to survive. Now Al has stabbed Weather in the back. As Climate Change, Weather is not in control, man is. No longer are temperature changes simply a result of the current weather pattern. No, it is a result of fornication between man and weather. No wonder Nature is pissed off.

         If we were to accept the notion that man and his industrial revolution is so great that it has made the once formidable Weather a eunuch, then let’s dispense with God. (Don’t get excited Al, I said dispense, not replace.)

         The truth is, this isn't an anti Al Gore piece. I know little of Al Gore other than people associate him with Climate Change and it is expedient to have someone to poke fun at. He was but one mouth in the Clinton era and Monica Lewinsky showed us how important mouths are in taking a positive action in politics, and she wasn’t even standing at the time.

         It is true however, that I refuse to accept Weather as being anything else but what God intended. A life partner for Nature to test man’s ability to survive and to reward him for fortitude. I do not believe our industrial development is more decimating thatn volcanic eruptions on weather patterns. I am willing to concede that man’s changing lifestyle may have a minimal effect. However, I am not willing to pay the tax the Australian Government seems to think will erase a carbon footprint. Instead I trust Nature to utilise that carbon footprint as a stepping stone to another cyclical change, which man and machines was never going to stop.

         So let me tell you about the weather in South Australia, “It’s a nice day. Wind’s a bit fresh and we could use some rain, but those poor buggers up in Queensland are copping the lot and in the middle of floods. Still, the water will eventually flow down the river systems into the Murray and set things to right because nature takes care of her own in her own good time.”

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