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Rated: E · Essay · Emotional · #1743517
Just me maybe slowly opening myself up more.
In my life I have always been a very guarded person. I was never one to let people just come into my life all "willy-nilly" and do whatever they wanted to the deepest parts of my soul. Sure they could scar the superficial part of me that was opened to them, and sure sometimes that would end up festering enough to make a mark and hurt me enough to make me go off like a wounded animal. But little did they know I had the last laugh because they had not dripped into my soul. Of course that was until he showed up into my life.
I met him in March 2010, but at that point he was merely a man behind a computer. A confidant. He was someone I couldn't put my walls up with and it kind of frightened me at first. How could I not hide what I was feeling from him? On April 3rd, my mother passed away and all I wanted was him. We began a relationship a week later. But he was still just a man behind a computer. We split later that month.
I was at a very dangerous, dark path at that moment. I wasn't sure where I was going. I had barely any friends, barely any family and barely any faith left inside of me. In June I went to my sister's house, the first time I had anything to do with her in quite some time. I needed a change of scenery somewhere neutral I could lie my head at night and just think about the last few months.
And sometime later he and I began talking again. And finally in July we got back together. And on December 23, he was no longer the man behind the computer, but the man i could wrap my arms around. He was the man I could kiss. The man who would hold me as I broke down the shell I had put up thinking I looked braver. The man who kissed away my tears.
It was amazing to me. To think that this man, this man who I lay beside even as I type this up, has gone from being the man behind a screen to being Keith Joshua Junior Ham Jr. the only man I have ever loved this much in my life. I used to say, when people would walk away, 'Look I survived before you, I will survive after you' but I don't think that I could face the day if I lost him. He has woken my heart up..and it is the most wonderful feeling ever in my life.
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