a rough draft of the beginning part of my life story.
|Once, so sweet and innocent, a time so long ago it seems like a dream, I remember sitting proudly bowing my head in prayer wearing my favorite dress that my mother had made for me,stockings, my black shiny shoes, and my red hair hanging loosely over my shoulders. I loved our mourning services we had at school every mourning, I loved hearing about god's love and how we must follow his word to be able to go to his magnificent kingdom in the sky,I always imagined it as a big beautiful castle nestled within the clouds and how great it would be to live there among him and his angels, but my most favorite part of the day was the car ride to and from school with my father, he'd always stop and get him some kind of treat, which for me was a chicken little sandwich from Kentucky Friend Chicken or apple juice from the local store, I had never cared for sweets too much, even as a child. Some of my fondest memories of my childhood is riding along with my father or going on little excursions with my father. In my eyes, my father was the most amazing man in the world, and I always felt so honored when he wanted to take me out and just spend time with me. We had many excursions over the years, but the ones I remember fondest is when he would take me to the beach to watch the sunset, we would either go to get a double dip of pistachio ice cream on a sugar cone, at our favorite little ice cream shop, or stop by the old candy store and purchase some home made salt water taffy, before retiring to the beach. My father claimed the little secluded part of the beach, that we always visited, had the most beautiful sunsets in the world, and I believed him, for my father had been a sailor and had seen sunset all around the world. I felt so lucky to be able to be able to experience this, especially with him. I will never forget how alive and happy my father always looked sitting on the beach watching the waves and idle boats in the distance, it was like years of worry just washed away and floated of into the sunset. His eyes would glisten with peace and happiness as we sat together watching in amazement at the beautiful colors the sky betrayed as the sun made its way to the other side of the world.
Back then everything was great,I loved my school and teachers, I had amazing parents that doted on my every want and need, while trying to protecting me from all the wrong doing in the world.They must of done a good job because I'm not even sure if I had any idea at all what really bad things went on in the world, I can remember once riding my bike, maybe I was 7 yrs old, and just thinking a cuss word in my head, not even saying it under my breath, just thinking it, and I was sure I was going to rot in that fiery hell I had heard so much about. I spent days praying, begging god for mercy, and inevitably lying, that I would never do such a horrible act again. To me cussing was one of the worst sins you could commit, that, and lying. I'm sure, I had heard of Worst sins, like murder, but with my way of childish thinking, I had shrugged it off as something that people really weren't capable of doing but god warned us of it anyways just in case. I mean how could their be people like that in the world? I had never met anyone like that. Besides as long as I followed god's word he would always protect me and never let anything bad happen to me, right?
I was very naive back then, and some days I wish I still was, but life doesn't work that way, just because you follow god's word doesn't mean gods going to protect from all the evil in the world. We came here to learn, and without evil deeds, and temptations, what would there be to learn from? That was something that took me a long time to understand. At first, I didn't understand none of it, I didn't understand why god would let bad things happen to us or create people capable of such hideous crimes.These questions, on top of others like if god is suppose to be so much greater than us, why does he carry human traits like jealousy and vengeance?, are what started me on my crazy life journey of personal growth. This journey has been a bumpy road of more downs than ups, I have made almost every possible mistake possible and have went through so many horrific situations that its unbelievable, but I am proud to stand here today and tell my story. I can only hope that someone will learn from my trial and errors instead of making them their self. For god knows that would be a lot easier route.