This is about my feelings. I hope you could see me inside.
|Oh, it's been exactly a month since I wrote "You know this".
But those hard feelings haven't gone away yet. In fact, they are still on my mind almost all the time.
What am I longing for? An impossible love? I know this is impossible but people want impossible things more, right?
This might be the reason.
I tried to be optimistic; thinking that at least he doesn't have to suffer like me! At least, I'm the one who's suffering, not him.
I don't know what I want. One thing is sure. I want to know him better. I want to know what kind of person he is.
I don't want to use 'love' because I know that it isn't love. It will go away as time passes (i.e. if I don't see him in a long time)
But sometimes I wonder why I am leading an one-sided love. Why do I want a love that is already occupied by somebody else? Why do I want to be with a person who doesn't want to be with me? Why must it be him?
This is not just a coincidence. You see, out of 6 billion people, I get to know him as a classmate. It's because we have some kind of super relation which is difficult to explain.
At times, I feel fine since I accept that we can never be together. But in fact, I'm almost always thinking about him which I can't help. He's the one.
Although he's not different from other guys, I don't know why I like him out of others. The only thing I feel certain is that he's so so smart. I guarantee that.
I wrote a poem for him. Am I acting weird?
How would you know? Where would I go?
Are you a prince and am I too low-standard for you? I wonder sometimes...
Sometimes, I wonder how could you like a person like me? A girl from Myanmar when there is lots of beautiful girls around you.....
IMPOSSIBLE is nothing? I doubt so. There is something impossible.
Now, I don't want you to know how I feel. I don't want to wish for something I can't have. I don't want to feel anything inside. I will just leave it alone. Whatever happens, happens. I just want to wish you forever happiness. Goodbye, boy. I have to leave soon. I'm not sure whether we'll be in same class next year. So 23rd of February would be the last day I see you. I don't know how you will feel but I sure will feel something inside. My first year memory will be ended on that day.
I will forget about you. But I can promise you something. I might forget about you but I won't forget about our rare sweet memories. At least, you were something in my life. You'll be something.
I want to say final words. Although you don't know, I guess I fell for you the moment you said "Handsome" on the first day I met you. What a memory. I am nothing to you but I'll still be Hsu, one of your first year classmates. I hope you remember me after 10 years, which I surely will. I don't want to be just a girl from Myanmar for you. Please don't regard me as merely 'a girl from Myanmar'. I want to be more than that. Maybe at least 'Hsu', my classmate. That would make me feel better. I know you don't like old-fashioned or poor people but as a classmate, I have the right to ask for such simple thing, right?
I tried to forget about you. But I couldn't because you are still on my mind today, right now. But I have said goodbye to you so many times that I realize I really have to say goodbye soon. The time will come. And time is the only medicine to cure my heart failure.
I guess I have said enough. Once again, Goodbye, Mr. Smart. You are lucky to be liked by me. You know because I'm special :) But I'm not lucky enough to be your girl. So, I guess you're not special enough for me :) Just kidding, for me, you are just perfect, apart from extreme self-boosting and taking others as low-standard. Never mind.
I don't mind even though you left me. I wish you lifetime happiness with the girl you truly love. Move on with your life.
Once your classmate, MHSdL