Man fears being alone, and is obsessed with the having of a mate.
|Three's a crowd
The morning sun drew lines through blinds, painting the wall and refrigerator with thin bars of light which brightened the table before me. The bedroom was empty but the bed held her warmth and I her scent. But she was gone and, now alone, I pour the last drops of syrup onto pancakes. The syrup, was much like our love, sweet and warm, but not enough.
I went to work that day dodging oncoming strangers wondering was there in this sea of people someone fulfilling for me.
There were shoppers, bags filled with gifts and they made their ways around and about me. People having coffee, other sit where there is space and read the news, or sit in groups to talk about it. All move about me with no more notice than if I were a pillar or post. Yet sometimes I have felt a rhythm in this ocean of lives.
But today, the sea is just crowded and empty. There's no one for me in it. She's been out of my life a few hours now and I can't seem to raise my head without seeing her reflection in store windows, on trains, on passing buses, and just plain everywhere.
I arrive at work.
Does your heart draw upon your face, messages of loneliness, anger pain or distress? I wonder about this for as I walked into my place of work I am beset with questions of such concerns.
"Are you OK John?" and statements like,
"Your not looking so well."
I head for the bathroom where I torture my self in thoughts for having let her go. The Macho Man in me doesn't want to back down, but the voice of the macho man, in me, becomes the meek man and speaks to me.
"Pull out you phone an call--" but Macho man interrupts with,
"The hell, if you give her the satisfaction." but the Meek man begins to make me shed tears. And I can't be seen like this. I crawl into a stall and lock the door, sit and listen to Mr. Meek in silence.
"You know you love her, and besides you know she was being reasonable." The Macho man yanks me off the bowl yelling, "Are you going to become a baby over this woman, are you crazy...," Meek man cuts across his thoughts saying,
"Keep in mind John, it was thinking like this that got you here in the first place." I paused,
All was silent again, I relieved myself, fixed my pants then came out of hiding and went to my desk so I could bury my thoughts in my required tasks.
Later, a bit more relaxed, I stood to look over the cubicles of others, obliviously attending to their tasks independent of each other, When a welling pain began to grow in my chest as the day drew to and end. I soured on thoughts of being home alone tonight. I sat down with the intent to immerse my self as deeply into my tasks as I could. Maybe solid concentration would help me forget for a while.
And then, a couple of hours later a women's voice made its way into my awareness over the plodding of my thoughts through my work. John? John Estoppal? Are you John Estoppal?
Attempting to finish the typing of a sentence, I replied without looking. "I'm sorry Miss, I was a bit deep in thought I.... Upon turning to see her, her beauty caused my speech to slow. "Yes, I'm, John, How?..." Catching myself dumbfounded, and a bit embarrassed by it, I quickly, clearing my throat, I resumed with my normal pace of speech. "How can I help you?" She was stunning I thought and I had a hard time resisting my desire to stare.
"These are for you. The Actuary wants these researched by Friday." She said to tell you. If you need help, Speak to Luanne." Then she just as quickly disappeared around the cubicle wall and was headed back to her department. And as quickly, I repelled my chair to watch her stroll down the isle and seem to float away around the corner disappearing into the main hall. Recoiling myself back to my desk, I declared, the sea had raised a bounty and swept it upon my shores that I might live again. I would not think of, What's-her-name, tonight.
She was a young Brunette, about five foot six, long legs, small tummy, small waist an a face like Aphrodite, she was so hot, and as I was determining how much more she was than the sum of her parts, the Meek man in me spoke. "She can't be alone. Nothing like that could be alone." Macho man cutting him off, says,
"Don't turn fairy on me John, What the hell do you care if she's hitched. You just want to tap that a.... Then Meek cuts Macho off and the battle of their opposite positions ensued until John said "Stop." And thought aloud, "I'll just ask her."
That night in my bed I stared at the ceiling. Dreaming of her in my arms and on the beach. My eyes meeting those jewel blue eyes of hers, and telling her that I loved her and would do anything for her.
In the morning, I imagined she had been with me all night and as I sat at the breakfast table, I felt I could lift my head from the bowl of cereal before me and she would be coming from my bed to the kitchen. I opened the blinds to let all the sun in today and headed for work.
The city was a wash with people but today I would sailed above it all. Un-disturbed by the currents which tossed and shoved about me. I would plow through to find, meet and take this woman and make her my own. And she will, love all of me today.
the story has 995 words