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Rated: E · Documentary · Emotional · #1757318
Documenting my life with cancer

                                            " I Have Cancer ? "  Part 8

    Looking back at all this is very sobering to say the least. And no pun intended either because as you might guess the drinking solution worked for a little while but drinking was not meant to be a substitution for sound medical advice. Especially for someone in recovery.

    I hope in reading this, you will find some comfort and help if you yourself are ever faced with this horrible disease.
If I had my way I would not have like to put my personal flaws into this but without it, I would be sugar coating the reality of it all. And since this is a life or death thing to deal with, there really is no room to pussyfoot around here.

  As I said it is now March 5th to be exact, and I had gone through hell and back. I think the worst part was when the treatment was completed and I had to wait two months before they could retest me to see if it worked. That was a time of deep depression and much anxiety for me, for anyone I would imagine.

  None the less, by January 6th I finally was retested and a week later informed that they got all the cancer. At least none showed up anywhere else in my body. I go monthly to be checked with a scope down my throat and have been reminded of some very harsh realities about it rearing its ugly head again.

  One thing that is rather bothersome is that if don't get a handle on this smoking carp soon it is just a matter of time before it returns. Further the Dr's assured me that if it is in the same area again, there is no more opportunity for radiation treatment again because the tissue in that are is already heavily damaged and further radiation will destroy it completely. In other words only radical surgery will be an option. That means removal perhaps of my voice box, and parts of my face as well if need be. Also my risk is very high now since I have had it ponce so time is of the essence to stop smoking for me.

  I hate to have to write to you the truth about my still smoking. It I am sure is not encouraging to you and perhaps many of you reading this will call me an idiot which you would be correct. I can only say that I am truthful because you may have to face all this yourself. So I put the good as well as the bad. If you do anything after reading this, say a prayer or two for me will you. I will appreciate it for sure. Because I am trying and I do want to stay here on this planet a little longer.  My writing has after all these years just taken off.

  You see there is much more to this story. Many good things that happened lately in my life before all this happened.  Three years ago I was homeless and I have written all my life but never thought much about it and so never let anyone ever see anything that I wrote. In fact since I was 14 I wrote down everything that happened to me and then again, lots I will never write about.

  But you see I found this writing site called Writing .com and took a chance to put up a few things here. From that I was encouraged to put up more and a year later decided to write that novel I always wanted to write. I have been blessed even though I did have to go through this awful disease.

  To date I have several children's stories I would like to publish as well as that novel I finished. I met a published writer along the way from Delaware who has published 35 or so works of his own and we became friends of sorts. He encouraged me often and a year ago suggested I try to do freelance writing. To my surprise the very first article I submitted was published and I had a check in my hand. That I believe does not happen every day. To date now I have 5 articles and things published and would love one day to see my name on a cover of a great story.  Something that after I am gone people will remember me by.  Thank you for reading this. It has helped me along the way more then you can imagine to get this all out from inside. The best way to deal with this is to stay focused and follow your Dr's advise and never give up. It is a hard road to tow and I have seen many who are braver then I going through this.

  I hope to hear from you if you like to write me back and I would also would like to once again thank all those at the Helen Graham Cancer Center, from the Dr's down to even those who just keep the place running. There are a group of special people who are truly friendly and helpful, especially to people like me who were facing death in its eyes. And my love and regrets go out to all those families who's loved ones did not have the chance I have to win the fight. I feel your sorrow and I will pray for all those who are fighting today also.

Thank you S A Gibbins

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