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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1772988-Land-of-the-Morons
by brom21
Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #1772988
Witness the unbelievable life and exploits of stupidest people on Earth.
Word count:3,807



Long ago there existed Idiotsville: the capital of the kingdom called Land of the Morons. Besides being well off and merry, the inhabitants were also very dumb. Despite this they were extremely good hearted and moral.. They were literally void of evil lived in perfect goodness. Nevertheless, along with their pure childlike attribute, they were also childish. All of them had the common sense of a two year old. The people of the land were so ignorant and stupid that they were like innocent savages.



"Hello Mr. Smith," said Jon to his neighbor.

"Hi. could you help me.I sold a cow to a friend but there's no more room in my pockets for all the silver pieces. Could you take them from me?" said Mr. Smith.

"Sure but I'll have to give them away; I don't have any pockets and I have no place to put the silver. Free silver pieces!" Jon yelled. "How unfortunate. No one is coming. I know! This silver would look absolutely beautiful skipping across the lake,'said Jon. A man approached Jon and spoke. "I can take them for you," said the peculiar person.

"Why thank you sir. Here you go," he said as he gave the stranger the silver who then put it in a leather satchel.

What a bunch of fools! I'll be rich and I won't ever have to sell anything! Its' good to be a merchant in this place! Thought the man. I just hope when I return to Thair, they won't learn my secret. I'll have to conceal the silver so no one gets interested.

Unawares to the merchant from Thair, there was a mysterious man in a cloak observing them being taken advantaged of. "Sir! I must insist you stop taking advantage of these poor folk. They're like innocent children. No doubt you're from Thair. That kingdom along with its king are envious and destructive."

"Who are you? Well whoever you are, you're not from this idiotic kingdom. It doesn't matter though. Soon king Darvy will storm across this land and pillage these impudent souls."

"I will make sure that that does't happen. My name is Grale of the order of the Wizards of Iphria." Grale raised both of his hands to the sky and muttered something. Suddenly a flash of white light shone over the city like a white sun. When it had passed the merchant sensed an uncomfortable feeling like he was being watched my some power.

"Curse you! I'm leaving!" said the merchant in an anxious retreat. He went away in a cold sweat and before he walked a few yards, his satchel tore and all the silver fell to the ground. He fled the kingdom frightened and did not look back.

"Hello sir. Wasn't that nice of that man to leave all that silver on the ground fro everyone to look at?"said Jon.

King Darvy will surely come just like that man said but fortunately for you, my power will give you protection. It will seem like luck or mere happenstance but It's really my power. You're too mentally inept to understand what I'm saying but soon you will," said Grale. Just when he had spoken a man came to Grale in haste. "I've just come across the finest deposit of silver!"A few weeks after the discovery of the silver mines, a group of vigilantes came to pillage armed with swords and arrows.

"Wow! More nomads. They must be pretty happy to see us. Look at them yell and shout as they come,"said a man. Seconds before the group of raiders entered their borders, three lions leaped out of a thicket and pounced on the unsuspecting men, killing them in minutes leaving their bodies on the ground

Hmm. They must have gotten tired from all that yelling and running. Look how peacefully they sleep," said another man.

The wizard's blessing brought even more prosperity as tine went on. "It must be my lucky day, I found a diamond mine just a few miles up North," said Jon to Mr. Smith on day. "You too?" said Mr' Smith "I stumbled upon a man who gave









“These fools don’t deserve such wealth and power. The kingdom of Thair used to be one the most powerful kingdoms for over three-hundred years. It was brought about through the iron fist of or first king Nethos. I will not let the memory and honor of our empire be tainted by idiots!”

Meanwhile, in idiotsville, a group of citizens saw them coming on horseback.

“Oh, it looks like we’ve got more merchants wanting to trade. Let’s go meet them.”

The group of people waved and smiled as the evil intruders darted past them and stormed the castle. The magical enchantment was not working against Darvy and his soldiers! Darvy walked up to the throne and came before the king. He pulled out a knife and held to his throat.”

“How are you doing this?” he said to King Airhead of The Land of The Morons. ”How did a small group of stupid fools come to amass such great standing!”

“I am responsible.” said an old man in a cloak. “Now please, let him go.”

“Who are you old man?”

“I am an ancient wizard who has blessed this people with good fortune and protection.”

King airhead spoke up. “You’re a wizard. I knew a wizard once; in a book. His name was Gandalf. I and he were good pals.”

“Magic! That had to be the only answer! But if you are protecting them, then how did I get in?”he said looking at the man’s wise eyes.

“Only magic can defeat magic. One of your ancestors must have been a magician.”

“Really now. Here’s the deal. I let these people live and you come to my kingdom and grant me good fortune.”

“But these people would surely perish without me.”

King Darvy grabbed a young woman and put a knife to her throat. “It’s your choice," he said.

“Very well. Very well. I’ll go with you. Just release the woman,” the wizard spoke.

As the wizard followed after Darvy. But right when he passed by King Airhead, he secretly put stone in his hand and whispered. “Use it well”

As soon as he got in the coach with Darvy they immediately departed leaving the towns folk as they stared in stupid blankness.

“Hmm.” Airhead looked at the stone. “I wonder what this could be. What did he mean by use it well? I know! This must be a new shuffle board rock. Oh bless that man!”

Then suddenly the stone rose up in the air and a beam of light shot down and an image of the wizard appeared. “People of The Land of Morons, if you’re watching this then I’ve passed away or I have been forced from you. This stone has been sealed with some of my power. Although the stone only gives you a fraction of my blessing and protection, you must finally learn to rely more on yourselves. You are human and all humans are born with common sense. Right before your eyes lays the wisdom of the human soul. I have faith in you.” Then the image disappeared and the stone fell to the ground.

“Father, I think it was a message from that man who left with king Darvy,”said Princess Ditsy.

“Really? I didn’t quite understand all that that he said." Then it occurred in his mind what he had to do next. "Well I suppose what he said must be important. Ditsy. Do me a favor and ask if he could clarify what he meant? You will go by coach. Remember to smile!”

“As you wish father.”

She picked up the stone and as soon as she held it she realized it could be more than just a shuffleboard rock.

“Father, I feel I should take this with me," she said with the stone in her hand.

”Really? Well… okay. Be sure to bring it back. I feel like shuffle board right now. I guess I’ll have to wait.”

Without a further word Princess Ditsy boarded the coach and left for Thair. The journey there would be slightly dangerous. Many beasts and poisonous insects lived in the forest that they had to travel through and the path they were following had very rough terrain. It wasn’t long till danger met the coach rider and the princess.

“Oh, look at that. Something is rustling in the bushes.” he said pointing. “It’s a lion! Oh he’s so cute! I think I’ll pet him.”

The beast gave a roar that made a flock of birds fly from a tree. The ignorant fool continued to approach.

“Hey, it seems he’s happy to see me”

“No come back! That lion’s dangerous!” In the same instance where Ditsy would have thought the beast was friendly as well, she had uttered something. It had come out like a reflex. As soon as she had spoken the warning Ditsy was dumbfounded. How and why did she say what she said?

“What was that your highness?”

She was speechless not knowing what she had said. “Um…I…” Before she could think anything, another alien sense of present danger popped in her head just as the lion was charging at the coachman. “Kill it with your sword!” The fool was not responding. “Point your sword at it!” the Princess said dropping the stone on the floor of the coach.

“Oh, you want me to show it my sword? Okay. Like this?” he said as he held out his sword just in time for the lion to pounce on his blade. The beast was lifeless in minutes.

“Awe. He’s sleeping. That running and that fast jump must have tired him out.”

“Indeed. He’s in such deep sleep he’s not even breathing,” Princes Ditsy answered in an oblivious state of mind once more. “Well, we’d better get moving.” she said as she picked the stone up with a cloth.

They quickly continued on their way and remained dumb as ever. Soon they found themselves clear of the forest. They could now see a clear cobble stone path. The castle of Thair was visible with its tall spires and stone buildings. Immediately the two were recognized.

“What are you fools doing here?” said a citizen.

”Greetings friend!” the Princess said.

“I’m not your friend you pea brained flake!” said the same man.

“Peas? OH, love peas! They’re my favorite vegetable and my favorite color. You’re a very perceptive man.” Ditsy said smiling with admiration. “Could you be so kind as to tell me if you’ve seen an old man with a long beard? We have to ask him something.”

“The wizard? Well you can forget it. He’s ours now. His blessing has already started to work. We’ve just discovered a gold mine in one of our surrounding mountains. Plus we’ve overthrown Noria the biggest most fortified kingdom of all. Can you believe it? They’re three times bigger than us and they have the strongest army in the land. It has to be the wizard’s power. Now turn around and go back to your decrepit society.”

People started to shout, threaten and call out insults. A tumult was rising in growing numbers.

“Why is everyone yelling and shouting.” said Ditsy

“They must be having a parade in our honor!” said the coachman.

“Then the people started to throw stones.

“Ouch! Whatever custom this is we should probably tell them that it hurts” the coachman said.

Just as he spoke a tall fat man approached him with a club and was about to swing. The coachman stood there blank. Then a strange reflex came over him. It was like a small but powerful inclination that flashed in his mind and he drew his word and pointed towards the man’s neck. “Put your club down, now!” The coachman was just as surprised as all the citizens of Thair. Never before had he experienced such a powerful emotion. The man dropped his weapon and stepped back. The coachman felt like a veil in his mind had lifted. He didn’t know how though. In moments the epiphany left and he once again was oblivious. He was trembling as he continued to hold out the blade. “Um…what just happened?”

“I can’t believe it; you actually were about to kill him.” Another citizen spoke with wide eyes.

“I can’t believe it myself.” The words came from non-other than King Darvy himself. He gave a menacing smile as the crowd split between them leaving a walkway amidst the people. “I’m impressed. But coming here was still foolish. Without the wizard, you’re just as stupid and vulnerable as a sleeping duck. Guards, kill them!" Five men in heavy armor approached the two. “Wait. Instead of killing you, I’ll just torture your poor little souls. Bring him out!”

Two guards dragged the old man by the arms. “I’m so sorry little ones, they’ve been abusing me and my powers. I’m so tired," he said panting, attempting to raise his head. He continued to speak in a raspy voice summoning all his strength to deliver a final message “I’ve been observing you throughout your journey magically. During these moments of grave danger, your own minds made up for what my protection would have accomplished. Although these were only brief manifestations needed in times of peril, soon sense will fully manifest itself within you and you will eh…huh...ack excel in knowledge and sense at all times. It is within you.” With those last words he bowed his head and passed away.

“No! You can’t die. All of our good fortune will be gone now!” Darvy said with frustration.

In such a situation Ditsy would have been happily ignorant and complacent. She didn’t realize what had just happened. Neither did she realize the evil and cruelty of Darvy. But as she watched the guards drop the body of the wizard on the ground, a small and intrinsic displacement was disturbing something inside her. She was unsure of what that thing that was affecting her. She stood on the ground, experiencing what she could only describe as unhappy. But it was more than just unhappiness. It was like a pain in her mind. That’s the best she could describe it. Time slowed as she came to terms with her new feeling. Then a tear ran down her cheek. It was a different kind of crying other than that from physical pain. Then more of the strange emotional pain began to gather right in the middle of her chest. She approached the body and knelt down. More tears started to flow as she wept with a new epiphany-despair. She was shocked, not knowing how to accept it. Neither did she know whether to accept it. Princess Ditsy came to a choice; she would embrace this emotion as something part of herself. But then she started to feel something else. Another emotion was beginning to erupt within her. It had more of an intense property than despair and it was powerful. An austere frown formed on her brow and she started breathing heavily as her eyes widened to a menacing stare.

“What have you done? You’ve shed this righteous man’s blood! King Darvy, your life should be taken in judgment for his abuse that led to his death,” the Princes said as she reached him before the guards could intercept him and put a sword to Darvy’s throat. But as soon as she would have killed him, the new found emotions of the princess were having an effect on the coachman. He felt something different than what the princess was feeling though. It was gentler and peaceful. This new feeling immediately moved him to raise his voice at Ditsy right as she was about to slit his throat.

“No Princess! I beg you!”

“What? Do you think this man should live after what he’s done?”

He was speechless for a moment and looked at the ground. Like Ditsy, he didn’t know what was quite happening or how to deal with this human emotion. He blinked a few times and then looked up at Ditsy with empathetic eyes and put his hand on her shoulder.

“I know…he… deserves to...” He said as he paused searching himself for words to describe how he felt. Like with Ditsy, he realized his emotion slowly. “Die…but look at how frightened enough he is. Have pity on him.” He went blank for several moments and then came to. “Sparing him may bring peace to our two nations.”

“Peace with this scum? Impossible!”

But don’t you realize what’s happened? I can sense it and I know you can sense it? We have achieved real humanity! This is what the wizard was talking about. Not only will this but we soon start to learn and gain knowledge! Imagine what could happen to kingdom full of truly realized human beings!”

“You’re right, I can sense it. But how do we know the whole land will change like we did?”

“The wizard foretold that his would happen in our whole land. It happened to us and it has to happen to the rest of The Land of Morons.”

She looked into Darvy’s eyes. “If I let you live will you stop your hostile ways and live peacefully?”

“Yes I promise.”

“Very well. But if you do change your mind, realize that with an amount of intelligent warriors that outnumbers your own, you’ll have no chance of surviving.”

“Once again I give you my word. I never thought that you would rise above the mental incapacity and that on your own as well. You have my respect.”

“The wizard did give us a magic stone that helped to open our eyes but with him dead the power is gone.” said the coachman.

“Here, take it as peace offering”, Ditsy said handing Darvy the stone. Soon, we will begin to trade, aid and intermarry once the rest of my people change. Together we will prosper without the blessings of the wizard. Farewell, King of Thair.”

As they started back they were nervous as to how long and in what way rest would gain common sense. After traveling through the forest with no dangers met, the two were greeted with cheering. She was approached by her halfwit father. “So what did the old man say?”

“I’m sorry father, he’s dead. But he left something special with us.”

“What’s’ a “something special?” he answered

Ditsy quickly ran into the castle and ran up a short set of stairs and reached a tower window. From there she hushed the crowd with a gesture in order to give an oration but before she spoke she felt in her heart a desire to pray. Oh Lord, open their eyes. She spoke in her mind.

People of the land of Morons, I stand before you today a true miracle. The old man I was sent to see was a wizard. Up until now we have ben as small foolish children. The wizard blessed us with protection and prosperity. He has passed away though. His message was that we in our very selves possess the ability to become wise. Search deep inside and I know you’ll find it.” This was all the amount of information that she thought they could handle. The rest was up to them.

With baffling looks and a dumbfounded silence the Princess waited for anyone to step forward to tell an intelligent word or any sign of innate change that would be expressed through action. Then a boy of about eight moved to the front of the crowd. The silence was deafening and the child spoke and everyone could hear his words.

“Thank you for saving us from that mean man. We love you for it.”

In the same manner that Princess ditsy brought out the civilized compassion in the coachman, so did the child’s profound understanding start to bring a tinge of curiosity into the meaning of the child’s words. Ditsy could see a lucid manifestation expressed on their faces and in their gestures. It started and continued slowly from the front of the crowd where the boy spoke. They blinked and looked around at each other as though they had truly understood and become self-aware.

As the unexplained anomaly moved through the crowd, they all began to speak and remark.

“I feel weird. I feel strange. I feel... human!” , said one person.

“I feel like a genius! I could celebrate and run around forever! Yippee, ouch!” said another man as he ran into a wall.

Although traces of their now past way of living was still looming, it was evident that a metamorphosis was occurring. It was pleasantly shocking and overwhelming.

“I feel like I’m suddenly grown up all at once!” The man turned to his wife. “My darling I love you more than I ever had! I’ve never realized how great my life is and how I’m so blessed.” The man looked into her eyes for a sign of change. There was a small sparkle.

“What are you talking… “She paused taking in the goodness with just a little skepticism. In her heart she could feel her husband’s love. Never had she comprehended such deep tender emotion. “I…I love you too!”

Princess Ditsy noticed her father. He was crying. She ran down and approached him. “Father why are you crying?”

“Because I’m such a fool. I’ve always been a fool. I’m so unfit to be king. Kings are supposed to be wise, gracious, and feared. All these years I’ve been blind as an infant to my stupidity. Why, I sent my only daughter on a dangerous journey where you could have been killed or kidnapped. Forgive me daughter.” He sighed and then sniffled into a rag.

“Father, that’s in the past. You’ve only been a fool but on the inside you were always a worthy king. It just took time and guidance.”

He wiped the tears from his face and looked lovingly into his daughter’s eyes. “God bless you my daughter. You’re right. This moment deserves something.” King Airhead went to the castle window and where his daughter first spoke.

By this time the people were jubilant, having completely crossed over into realm of intelligence and wisdom. The king spoke loudly.

“People of the Land of Morons, hearken unto me.” It took a few minutes to silence the rejoicing.

“I hereby make a declaration on this day, the day we first took our steps towards self-preservation and wisdom. I declare this moment that No longer shall we be called the Land of Morons. We shall now be called The Land of The Blessed. Each of you who wish may change your name to fit the beginning of our new lives. As such I will no longer be known as King Airhead, but my name shall be King….Heartsong. This expresses how all of our hearts have changed and how this day will be met with dancing and song each year. My daughter what do you wish to be called?”

She turned her head and then quickly it came to her. Call me Princess Peace. For the peace made with our old enemies of Thair.”

One would expect the people of The Land of The Blessed to take offense. The joy of the moment and the idea of no longer having an enemy overcame any contra wise sentiment though. Henceforth this kingdom of The Blessed eventually exceled at many kinds of arts. They took up botany to find plants and herbs for remedies. They learned how act and put on plays. Some people decided to be historians, others musicians, and others learned war as guards to defend their kingdom. A big step was upholding a stable government and laws. King Heartsong and his newly appointed nobles ruled the kingdom with fairness and wisdom. Their most significant achievement was the installment of religion and the belief of a supreme being who created and loved them. In a short period of time they began to understand and apply the tenets of the Bible to their society which enriched them the most. Many other things did this truly blessed kingdom aspire to accomplish. And as time went on their understanding of the world and the human soul continued from those days and on through the ages.

© Copyright 2011 brom21 (ion_7 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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