A true story about my niece Tammy(Luci) and I(Suzi)
|"Hey, Luci,[?] How are you today? """
"I don't feel to good today"
"Oh, I am sorry to hear that"
"Thanks,Suz,[?]How have you been?"
"I'm hanging in there."
"Listen,Suz,[?]I am only pregnant. I am not sick."
I wanted to tell Luci the truth that she looked sick,but I knew how much having a baby and becoming a mom meant to Luci,so I kept how she really felt to myself. I knew I had to say something, or Luci would know I was hiding something.
"I know." is all I said with tears in her eyes [4c] that Luci couldn't see because we were on the phone.
Suzi knew something was really bothering Luci.
They just had that kind of connection. It was understood between them.
"Okay,Luci,[?] what is really on your mind? Spill..."
Luci let out a big sigh.."I don't know if I can do this alone,[?] Suz".
Luci sounded sad.
"I told you who Jayden's dad is. Didn't I?"
She hadn't so I said,[?]"No."
"You don't need a man you can do this. I know you can do this!"
"Suzi,[?]I am not as strong as you. I need some "Suzie and Luci time. I miss that. She said,[?] "We need to get together real soon. I know it will make me feel better."
"I miss you too,[?] Luci."
You know[4a] ,Suzi,[4a] "Alfonso is [4a],really,[4a] a sweet guy this is why I am [1d] so confused. I am really tired now,[?]I need to go to sleep. I will call you tomorrow. I love you!"
"I love you too Luci. Talk to you later."
I don't believe in goodbyes [1d]so I don't say it.
At 3 p.m. [4b]the following day[4b] on January 1,2011 Luci and Jayden went to heaven.
I don't think[4c] that it is meant for me to know ,or understand why right now  because the autopsy report doesn't say anything [4c] that makes sense to me.
therefore, I am left with lots of questions.
Ones [4c] that just puzzle my mind.
I am still waiting for the phone to ring.
I am happy she is out of pain.
I know, she is a wonderful Mother.
Now,She has no questions or confusion.
She told me I am stronger then her. She always called me her rock. She didn't know it[1d] but she was mine.
It took me a while to get her to like herself. She was still working on[4c] that I loved her the way was.
I always thought she was beautiful inside as well as out. I always told her beauty comes from within.
She didn't like what she saw,but everyone loved her.
She told me. "I am way too big. I want to fix this."
"Surgery has worked for others it should work for me"[?],Luci said.
Fear pulled me away from Luci. I felt like she was playing with fate and, I didn't have the guts to admit it to her
I am so [1c] sorry Luci please forgive me! I feel like failed you. I promised[that][4c] I would always be there for you when you needed me instead I held it all inside.
What if I opened my mouth and said what I really felt would you still be here on earth today?
I know the [that][4c] the answer is ,"No."
You are happy[?],now. Hug Jayden for me!.
I can feel you at night. You sit on my bed. We have Suzi and Luci time.
"Suzi,I am right here I am not dead." "I am right here! Why does everyone keep saying that I am dead?"
I can feel you with me[?],Luci.
I hear myself talking to you.
I see you when I sleep. I beg to stay with me [?] then I wake up.
I won't ever leave you ,so don't you leave me!
You will always live on in my heart.
All my Love,[?]
Now,always ,and in eternity.
Your Suzi AKA Aunt Marcia