A story about a cat. The most awesome cat.
| When I was a younger man, I like many strapping young men, owned a cat. This was not your ordinary cat, but was in fact, the most awesome cat to have ever existed. There was nothing special that made her the most awesome cat ever, she just was. Some cat had to be the most awesome cat ever, and Honey had the honor of being that cat.
Honey, like most awesome cats, had a habit of awesomely peeing on the carpet. These were not accidents; she was awesome and she knew it, so therefore she peed where ever she felt like. Several times a day I would find awesome little wet spots on my carpet, and since I am just an ordinary person and too much awesome could be a bit overwhelming, I would spray these awesome smelling wet spots with a bit of vinegar that I kept in a spray bottle for such occasions. This would have the awesome affect of making the awesome little wet spots a little more ordinary.
Occasionally, Honey would also leave little piles of vomit on the carpet, but these were just ordinary piles of vomit and therefore not worth mentioning. So forget that I did.
Now Honey, like all cats, both awesome and not, loved catching flies. She was not particularly good at it, but that just added to her awesomeness. Even though flies have notoriously short attention spans and would quickly forget that a furball thousands of times their size was determined to mince them to pieces, Honey rarely managed to catch them. She had the determination, she just lacked the skills, but she was awesome so it was okay.
One day Honey came across the Red Baron of flies. He conducted several strafing runs on her, while all Honey could do was launch herself into the air after him with an ever-growing rage. Being the ordinary cat owner that I was, I watched with much amusement as the most awesome cat in the world was continually outwitted by an ordinary housefly. He would zig, she would zag. He went high, she went low. He went right, she peed on the carpet. After 10 minutes or so of watching my awesome cat being humiliated by a creature with a brain smaller than the head of a pin, I decided I had to intervene. I picked up the spray bottle from my desk and after taking meticulous aim, sent a mist of vinegar at the Red Baron of flies. The fly tried to maneuver but the mist was too fine and my aim too accurate. Now, I can’t be totally sure, but this is what I think happened: the fly got some of the vinegar in its many eyes and was temporarily blinded and being unable to see, had no other choice but to crash land into the carpet. Coincidentally, he crashed into the awesome little wet patch on the carpet that Honey had created just minutes before. Here, in this awesome little wet spot, he was ended by my shoe coming down on his fragile little body. Thus proving once and for all that in fact you can catch more flies with vinegar than you can with Honey.