What happens when you start hiding your feelings and become insecure.....
|What happens when you start hiding your feelings from the one person you share everything with. It kills you inside.
You feel lost and depressed, it eats you inside, that hesitation of not sharing, not being able to express. I always thought that it would never happen to me, and I will always talk things over. It was one of those things that I thought i was always prepared for. After all how difficult is it to communicate and understand a person, who’s not only a part of your world, but the world itself.
So I keep asking myself, why was it so difficult to show my feelings? Was I concerned more about how she would feel? if I would doubt her? or if she would take it the wrong way? But how could she take it the wrong way, when I had known her for such a long time. When I always know how she feels, and what she feels. Yes I am confident of the fact, that I know her, like the back of my hand, even better then she knows herself. Then why the hesitation? My heart has always ruled over conscience, and this was the first time, my heart losing a battle. I was always who would ease someone’s conscience but here I was doubting my own integrity.
Loving someone so much can never be wrong, I keep saying and reminding myself. Maybe I was too afraid to accept the inevitable, too afraid to lose her. Maybe that’s the reason; I kept my feelings bottled up. Did it help? Of course not, it just increased the pain and then I ended up being an ass, hurting her and myself. Is it wrong to be possessive or jealous? Is it wrong to advice something to someone you love? Yes we did share everything, we got jealous and possessive as well, but in the end we talked things over and understood and respected each other’s decisions. We never had to sacrifice anything, because the most important thing that we have is our love. It has always been our foundation, the basis of everything that we have for one another.
So I just wish now, if I could take back that one night of over thinking and over analyzing. I would have never been so insecure. Hopefully this would be one of the first and the last misunderstandings that we had. In the end, I just wish for her happiness and our love to flourish. And no, it’s never hard understanding an angel.