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Rated: E · Essay · Death · #1799529
Memories ignited by a Television program.
Daytime Fantasy

Today I was watching my favorite Soap Opera and they were doing a storyline about a mad doctor who had found a way to bring people back to life from the brink of death. For some reason I switched off the show without turning off the TV. My mind began to play games with me.

What if some of the people who I have lost were not really dead? What if they were someplace healing and regaining their strength to come back to normal living once again? How would I receive them after having gone through mourning their loss?

I began to feel a little light of heart and head at the thought of holding the people I loved close and having another chance at being with them once again. How would I receive my dear brother who died long before his time and without warning? He was happy healthy and then he was gone, leaving my heart with a huge piece missing. It left me a different person than I was before he died. I have not laughed as loud or enjoyed sharing anything with anyone as much as I did him. Where would I begin to reconnect to him?

Then there was my father who I had not seen since I was nine years old and went a whole lifetime without knowing. There were so many questions I would have for him and how would I begin to ask them? Where would I start?

My long lost best friend Clyde who could make me laugh and taught me what an important person I am. He helped me to appreciate myself in spite of a horrible family history, and an inferiority complex that overwhelmed me all my life.

My grandmother who I loved so much but never really got to share my life with. I had a few good years with her and wanted so much more but she was gone before I had the opportunity to get to know her better. I admired her strength and would have wanted to know where she drew it from.

My stepfather who raised me through the most important years of my life and from whom I disconnected because of a family break and his deception to my husband and brother. Would I have forgiven him his evil deeds? Would I be ready to take him back to my heart where he had once been? Could I mend the damage that he caused?

And last of all what would my reaction be to seeing my unborn child who I lost before he was ever born. Where would my heart go from this experience? How could I ever catch my breath on seeing his face?

No, the soap is over I missed the entire storyline for that show. I was swept away in a fantasy of my own for a short time. I had my moment with the most important people from my life’s voyage and went to a place of quiet contemplation. Would I have done anything that I did not do when these people were alive and well. Maybe, maybe not. I cannot begin to know what direction I would take because these things could never be. As much as I want it, it cannot be mine.

I must take what I have today, appreciate all of it, and work toward improving all my relationships with the ones I love. There will be no second chances so today is of the greatest importance.

Although I have loved ones who are no longer with me, they will remain in my heart and in my mind for all my life. I can draw strength from the memories I built while I had them with me. I can remember the benefits they all brought to me when I had them. For this I can be grateful and know that one day it will all make sense.

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