Well, hello there. I wasn't expecting you. C'mon in and grab a seat if you can find one. I know the place is thrashed, but when isn't it? I guess that's one of the benefits of living by yourself.
Here, let me move those for you. What the...? I wonder how long that's been there? Well, maybe you should sit over here.
Would you like something to drink? I think I've got some Buds in the fridge.
So, how ya doin'? Good. Glad to hear that.
Luther! Get down, dammit! Sorry about that. He won't hurt you. He just looks mean. Luther! Go lay down. Luther...
So, what do you think of the place, other than my mess? I know it's small, but I don't need anything fancy. Besides, the rent's cheap and the owner pays all the utilities. Thank God! I don't know what the power bill is with me running that air conditioner 24/7 all summer long. Oh well.
What? That? Yeah, it is a pretty trippy poster, isn't it? I've had that since I was...what? Fourteen? Fifteen? I'm surprised it's in such good shape after all these years. I guess it's one of those things I just can't get rid of. Of course, I've always liked leprechauns, anyway. I call him 'Seumas'. Doesn't he look mischievous with that grin and those eyes? Kinda like he knows something that we don't.
Yeah, you can smoke in here. In fact, I could use one myself. Here's an ashtray.
You know what's really weird about that poster? The way his eyes seem to follow you. Seriously. Walk over there and watch his eyes.
Pretty weird, huh? Luther doesn't like him at all. When I first got him as a pup he just stood there and barked and barked and barked — I didn't think he was ever going to shut up. He still won't go anywhere near it.
The bathroom? Sure. Just down the hall and to your left. Can't miss it.
Shh. Not now.
Find everything alright? Cool.
Yeah, I like it here. Except for my neighbor over there on that side. She's a strange one. When I first moved in here I went over to her house to introduce myself. She just stared at me like I was from another planet or something. Bitch.
Damn. I drank that beer that fast? I'll be right back.You want another one? No?
Oh. I see you're reading my story, eh? Yeah, I got on the net and found one of those 'writer networks' or whatever they're called. This one's pretty cool. It's called 'Writing Dot Com'. You can write whatever you want: stories, poems, essays, anything at all. And then you can put them out there and have people review your work. It's pretty neat.
What? No, no. I don't mind at all. Go ahead and keep reading. It's not quite done yet. I'm still trying to think of an ending.
There you go. Keep reading. It gets better as it goes along. Just keep reading. That's right. Keep reading those words. Yeah. Just keep reading. Keep reading those words. Justkeep readingthese words. Keepreading thesewordsJustkeepreadingthesewordskeepreadingthesewords...
Me belly's a'rumblin'. Will we be having the young lad for supper tonight?
Not tonight, Seumas. Not tonight. You know we have to let the meat hang for a few days.