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Rated: E · Article · Fantasy · #1809136
Winner: Name that Troll Contest - The Exclusive Interview
Writing.com has some great genre interest groups, so I’ve joined the fantasy and sci fi groups. One is relatively new, it’s called The Green Dragon Inn. It’s a meeting place for proofreading, reviews, and advice (as are the others)… So as part of their launch, they had a contest to name the troll guarding the Inn’s doorway. They posted an image of said troll to get us in the right mindset. So on a lark I made a few suggestions… But the one I liked the most of those I submitted was naming him ”Murray.”

Well, I won…  His nickname is now Murray and of course the group wants to know how he got his name. So, here’s the story:

Well, I just spoke with Murray about it… He was a bit reticent, but I eventually got it out of him. Please don’t ask how many Oreos it took, watching a troll stuff his mouth with even one entire bag is gross enough.

“How I got me name? I nominally don’t tell no one… It em-bear-sing.”

“Aw, come on, you can trust me. Who am I gonna tell? Here, another bag of Oreos?”

“Mmm, gotta watch me figures.”

“Okay, two bags.”

Yumk. Slurpp, feh… “Okay.”

“Come on, how did you get your name?”

“Had it log log time.”

“It’s your birth name?”

“Huh… No, coarse not! Ferry Gandmuter gave it me.”

“You had a Fairy Grandmother?”

“NO! Furry Gandmuter.”

“Um… What’s a Furry Gandmuter?”

“You don’t know wha’ a Furry Gandmuter is? Never sin one? He’s about this high, dis big around.”

“Hmm, let me get this straight, your describing your teddy bear.”


“Um, no offense meant… Here’s some more Oreos!”

Yurk, yumm, feh…

Thank heavens I shopped at Sam’s Club. “Um, so your, uh, Furry Gandmuter gave you your name?”

“Uh huh.”

“This is when you were a kid?”

“Kid? No, last mont’.”

“Last month?”

“Uh huh.”

“It — I mean ‘he’ called you Murray last month?”

“Yeah, sed for Dagon In.”

“Oh… So, your Furry Gandmuter mentioned the Dragon Inn to you and, well, gave you your name.”

“Yep, he sed, ‘Murray, outa the way! I’ma meetin’ a fiend at de Gin Dagon Inn.’”

“Um, were you drinking gin or was, uh, your Furry Gandmutter?”

“Huh, boot were… I neva drink alon’. See?”

“Ahem, here’s the rest of the case of Oreos I bought you.”

Okay, so I fell down laughing once I got outside the Inn. But you would have too had you seen him hold up what has to be the ugliest Furry Gandmuter ever!

- Highmage - D.H. Aire
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