The little car's last journey
|Once upon a time, not really all that terribly long ago, an idiot was driving along the motorway. It was his brother's son's birthday, or something, and so all the family was heading over to their house for a nice relaxing little party to celebrate. It wasn't all that far to go, and the idiot was fairly sure he knew the way...
Up ahead, he saw a familiar car. It was his parents, also driving to the same place. It wasn't really a surprise, since they'd all set off from much the same place. Feeling cheeky, the young idiot crept up behind their car, and pulled around it to overtake. They noticed him as he passed them, and waved. Carefully, for this was a motorway and driving fastly is the way this place goes, the idiot grinned and waved back. What a good driver the idiot is, the idiot thought to himself. Oh ho ho ho, he added silently. I shall get to the part a little before them. Oh how sneaky and clever I am, he continued to think. He might have said this out loud, but there was nobody else in the car with him to say it to, and the idiot isn't much of a conversationalist with himself it turns out.
Broom went the little car, trundling along merrily. I wonder what food and stuffs there will be at the party? wondered the idiot. My happy little car surely doesn't want to eat anything more, for he has just this morning had his belly filled at the BP garage! Oh what an unfortunately expensive meal that was... but he needed it, that's for sure.
Broom, agreed the little car, and wobbled in satisfaction at his full belly.
Oh dear, observed the idiot, looking ahead. What a naughty driver I spy before me. Here I am, properly observing the highway code by trundling along in the inside lane, while there up ahead is a silly person driving far too slowly for the motorway and taking up entirely the wrong lane, there in the middle!
Broom, complained the little car, totally understanding where the idiot was coming from. I know, decided the idiot. I will overtake them, and do it the right and proper way, as outlined vaguely in the hazy memories that I have of the little blue book!
And so the idiot kept up his speed, which was certainly more than the little car driven by the slow-coach in front. He indicated appropriately and pulled in behind the annoying slow car. Broom! warned the little car. That's right, thought the idiot, and checked his mirrors again, for this was the motorway and you couldn't be too careful. There was nothing in them though, so the idiot did that indicating thing again and started to pull around the horrible slow driver with no business being on the road.
NNNEEEEEYAAOUUWWWMMMMM!!! mentioned the big black Range Rover (sports edition) that decided at this moment to leap without warning from the idiot's blind spot! Broom!! shouted the little car in shock, and HOLY**************************************P!! observed the idiot as he calmly and professionally jerked the steering wheel wildly away from impending collision, sending his faithful little motorcar out of harm's way. The nasty little slow car was still in front, so wasn't in any danger of being nudged at this point, thankfully. But the speedy reaction of the idiot also meant that the happy little car's full belly was sloshing about all over the place, and suddenly the little car wished it hadn't been so greedy at breakfast.
Slosh! went the little car's belly. Broom! cried the little car! Screech! went the little wheels, as the idiot tried to turn the little car back into a straight line. But the little car was having none of it. The horrible slow car and the nasty big black monster had so scared the afraidy little car that all it wanted to do was cry and sit at the side of the road until it was all quiet again. So scared was the little car that he closed his eyes and said lalalalalalalalalalalalalaIcan'thearyouuuu!! at the suddenly quite alarmed idiot who could see that rather than safely and gently pulling to the hard shoulder so that the little car could have his cry and carry on, he was starting to do a little pirouette around across the lanes and by now was pretty much facing directly at the crash barrier at the side of the carriageway. Well that's not good, concluded the idiot as the little car continued to dance slowly around.
Crunch! was the next thing the little car said as his right wing clipped into the barrier. Crunchycrunchycrunchycrash! the little car continued to say as he span around, wrapping the whole of his right side into the barrier until the rear bumper was facing down the road where the front bumper was supposed to be looking. Bouncywhoosh! tried the little car, as he catapulted off again into the main carriageway, now facing the right direction at least. Gosh what an exciting little adventure I'm having! claimed the little car, still not opening his eyes. No, you silly little automobile, retorted the idiot as he turned the wheel to the left, trying to steer back out of the way of all the traffic that somehow hadn't been anywhere near at the time all this happened.
:( said the little car as he realised that he only had one eye left intact to even try to open. He couldn't say anything else, for he had stopped saying broom shortly after saying hello to the crash barrier. Well that wasn't supposed to happen, noticed the idiot as he sat there for a moment before noticing that the boot had sprung open behind him during the excitement. Through the open gap he also saw his parents pull over to the hard shoulder some way back and realised that they had seen the entire thing... but he was forgetting something, surely...
The idiot, suddenly remembered the most important thing! Leaping from the car as fast as he could, marvelling even so that the door even opened at all, he ran back down the road to the little parcel that lay forlornly there, corner scuffed through to the plastic within yet wonderfully still seemingly intact! Yes, the most important thing... for in the boot this day, the idiot had safely placed his just-today returned-from-repair lappytop computer. If that hadn't survived this episode the idiot would have been most upset >_<
Yuss indeedy. These were the sad last moments of that brave little cowardly car... but at least the puter was ok :D