Formspring's favourite penguin's voyage across the oceans, as previously skipped over...
I wrote the original tale some time ago, but the middle was missing for reasons of space and writer's block. Here, at last, is the middle! (I included the end again too, cos it wouldn't be right without the end on it)
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Poor little Pingu, the sexxxiest little penguin in the whole wide world was very, very tired... She had been up for too many days already and needed to sleep, but her body wouldn't let her, and her friends just wanted to do sexy things to her. That just wasn't helping, no matter how much fun they promised it would be. So the little penguin had set off on a quest to find someone who could help her get her much needed rest, which led her to make one of the most exciting journeys that any half-asleep person has ever attempted. She had started this journey on the Land of the Long White Cloud, but had already trekked across the deserts of Australia via her friends the Chair Wizard and Cleo, but they hadn't been able to help. She knew just where she needed to get to though... it was the getting there that was the difficult bit now.
None of her local friends had the means to fly her abouts, or chug her along in a convenient boat, so her fatigued little mind decided that she needed to make a swim for it! For a penguin who doesn't like to swim, that was a very brave thing to do, and she looked about her as she stood at the water's edge for someone to tell her how proud they were of her bravery. Sadly she was almost entirely alone though, for everyone was at home tapping away at their computers or busily trying not to learn anything at school. Everyone except Emma, who had come with her to the beach to wish her a bon voyage, which was very lovely of her. But nobody else had. With a sad tear in her eye and after giving Emma a little big, the tired little penguin waddled into the warm waters of the Indian Ocean until she was deep enough, then in she dove. Thus her adventure began.
It wasn't long before she realised that she hadn't brought a map with her. She remembered seeing on a little globe where she wanted to be, but the ocean suddenly seemed awfully big and didn't have any signposts or anything! All those words that they show on maps were nowhere to be seen either. It was quite worrying, if she let herself think about it. But this determined little penguin decided that she would do her bests and not worry about it, so she took a left and paddled away with a smile on her beak.
"What on Water are you doing out here?" came a gruff, bubbly voice from somewhere.
"Oh!" announced the surprised little penguin, and promptly swallowed a mouthful of horrid sea water. She stopped swimming and pwaddled in little circles until she saw who was asking such a sensible question of her. "Hewwo mr narwhal! I'm going to see my fwend. I'm verry tiwerd and I know he can help," she explained.
"Well you're a very sexy little penguin, I must say. Are you sure we couldn't have a little fun before you get on your way?" suggested the horny narwhal (no pun intended).
"Oh no, not you as well. I've just run away from my sessy fwends Cleo and Brooke because they wanted to do naughty things to me too! I'm too tiwerd for any of that! Pweease could you put that impressive thing away and just help me get to where I'm going?"
"Oh! You know Cleo and Brooke? Gosh we have some good times together. That Brooke does the most inventive things to my horn, you know... Were Jolie and Cassandra there too? Ah, those girls..." The Narwhal had a most peculiar expression on his face as he thought of the whoyal family (for this tale took place months ago, when all that was going on). "Well it's a shame that we can't get it on, but if you're friends with them I can't turn down your request for help. Here, hold onto my fin and I'll take you part of the way!"
And so the tired little penguin clung tight to the dubious narwhal's dorsal fin and rode him like a surfboard. It’s quite the way to travel, I can tell you! She was enjoying the wind in her feathers and spray in her face so much that the tired little penguin forgot to be tired for a while. "Where are we going, by the way?" the little penguin asked.
"Well you know I know some of your friends? Well I know others too... I thought we could stop here for a bite to eat quickly before I take you further though." The narwhal pulled up at an unexpectedly convenient little Indian sandwich shop on the coast and rang the bell for service.
"What would you like to order?" came a voice from inside.
"Zed?" asked the shocked little penguin. "What are you doing here? I thought you were a lawyer or something!"
"No, it's all a lie I'm afraid. I really work here... Only Sneha knew the truth, but she promised to keep my secret. I never expected anyone else to find out! Please don't tell anyone!" Pleaded the drunk Pikachu.
"Well I never... Though I should have guessed, what with you demanding all those sandwiches all the time. If you're trying to keep this a secret you should be more subtle I think. And I'll have a skittle and potato sandwich please. With chocolate sprinkles."
"Ugh, that sounds horrible. Here you go though... If you promise not to tell, you can have it for free!" Offered the embarrassed ZZZZ.
"Okay! I won't tell!" chuckled the freeloading little penguin. She munched upon her sandwich and the narwhal carried her onwards on her way.
"I'm taking you through the Gulf of Oman now, and soon you'll be at BT's doorstep. Wow, you really do have the sexiest of friends you know. I'd be jealous if I didn't know them all too!" The surprising narwhal sploshed his tail and swam around the coast until he dropped her off on a little beach just around the way. "I have to leave you now though. I'll send BT a message on Formspring for you. I'm sure he'll be along shortly!"
And then he was gone. The little penguin shrugged, ruffled her feathers and waddled off up the beach. Sure enough though the unmistakable shape of the Beginner Troll came bounding along to see her! It's really something of a mystery how he managed to be here so fast, but then we just met a narwhal who does Formspring too, so anything is possible at this point...
"What are you doing here, you gorgeous hunk?" asked the tired little penguin. "And have you anything to drink? All I had on the way over was sea water, and now I'm terribly thirsty for some reason. And I have a horrible taste in my mouth. It's very good to see you, by the way."
"Well I was sent a message from a friendly Walrus to meet you here. I didn't believe it at first, but thought I should check it out. Here, take this." BT passed the thirsty little penguin a bottle of water and gave her a hug. "I was wondering why it had been so long since you filled my inbox with your spam though.. I guess this explains it!"
"Have you been spending too much time with that idiot? It's not a walrus, it's a narwhal!" The little penguin shook her head in dismay at the unacceptable zoological error and sighed. "I need to get going though. I have a long way to go and I'm very very tiwerd indeed!" cried the poor little penguin.
"Well he's demanding I help out with his book that he's not writing, but apart from that I don't think he's had so much effect on me yet. And I meant to say narwhal. I was just thinking about Autumn, I guess. She has a thing about walruses, didn't you know? Well that's not important right now. I have to take you to meet my whale friend who's agreed to take you the rest of the way!"
"Really?" gasped the impressed little penguin. "But the narwhal only just told you I was here... it's been less than five minutes and you already have this organised? You are amazing!"
"Everyone keeps telling me that, but I don't see why really... I just did what needed to be done for you here.." was BT's typically modest reply. "Here we go!" BT pointed into the sea and sure enough there was a whale arriving. In fact it looked like it was about to beach itself until BT shouted at it to stop.
"Is.... is that the Fail Whale?" The tired little penguin was suddenly feeling less impressed and slightly dubious instead. "Are you sure that's the best way?"
"Don't you worry, sexy little Pingu. He's really just got a bad reputation. He's not as bad as all that really!" insisted the sexy troll. "And he's just so excited to be able to help."
"Okay then... I'll trust you this time. But if I get lost and die of everything, I'll come back and make you sorry!!"
So off the little penguin went, this time riding atop the enormous Fail Whale of legend. She had a comfy chair and an umbrella to shade her, and still had some of ZZZZ's sandwiches to nibble upon. That last bit was quite important, it turned out, for the whale was fine carrying the her around Africa, but after that it took a wrong turning and became entirely lost. He ended up doing circles around Iceland, and wound up all the way over the Atlantic on the coast of America! At least they were able to visit Cammy, Mariah and Vee, and they all had a lovely innocent time skipping around the beach and making sand castles before Pingu had to move on. Another wrong turn took them just a little further North, but that was ok too because Heather the sexy panda was able to feed her daughter some proper food and give them a compass to follow to get them finally on the right path. Little Pingu didn't really want to leave, but she was so very very tired by now and hadn't slept all this time. She really did need to find her friend and get some help like she knew he would be able to provide! So off they swam again, back across the wide blue ocean. Finally, this time she would make it!
So close... the coast was right there before their eyes and the Fail Whale had been so very excited that he entirely forgot to notice the cruise liner in front of him. Thankfully, unlike the Titanic of yestercentury, there were plenty of lifeboats so everyone got off safely before it sank. Pingu thanked the whale very much for all his help and the long and interesting conversations they'd had on the voyage about his long and exciting life, but as he had a terrible headache now he didn't feel up to swimming any further.
Splosh! Into the water dove the tired penguin, and she swam the last little bit of the way. The water was much colder here than it had been at the start, but that was good as it woke her a little more and gave her the energy to paddle the stretch to the shore. She was so very nearly at the end of her worldwide adventure! It wasn't supposed to have been quite as long as it ended up being, but that was OK. She had had fun with some lovely people along the way, but now she turned her attention to waddling the last distance to her friend's place.
Up and down the hills she waddled, waggling her little tail as she went. She stopped at all the little red men, and skidded across the roads when the peeping told her to. she clapped her little flippers in joy when she heard the familiar accents of the locals shouting at each other in the streets. She bought herself a bagel at the cornershop to fuel the last slog up the hill and finally arrived at the door to her friend who lived here in idiotland.
"Knock knock," said the door when she banged on it. She didn't have to wait long for it to open, either.
The hairy face that was all scrunched up with smiles and silliness started to talk, and the tired little penguin shook the water out of her ears to hear it say, "Sssssexxxyyyyy panguin! Why you here? You should be.. um... a long way away being foreign and things! Come in though! I just made coffee, you want somes?"
"No you idiot, that's definitely not what I want! I'm tired and need to sleep and nobody has been any help! I need you to tell me a story so I can have a good night's rest! No shush, don't tell me what time it is. I need to sleeeeeeeep!"
"Of course, come in.. I'll tell you a long tale that makes not a lot of sense and contradicts other things I may have told you before. It'll definitely have you snoring in no time!"
"Your place looks different from the last time you told this part of the tale. Where have your stairs gone?" Observed the observant little penguin.
"Never mind that now," said the idiot, picking her up and putting her into his bed. He tucked her in and pulled up a chair. "Now, where to begin? I could tell you a silly tale, or a story of nonsense.. perhaps an adventurous one? What would you like?"
"Snore," requested the penguin. "Snore snore snore." she insisted.
The idiot grinned and stood back up again. He pulled the curtains and snuck out of the room, for the little penguin didn't need the story after all.