by bob county
The First Congregation of Dionysus
Muzzy approaches the puplit to applause. He raises his hand with a
broad smile to silence the enthusiastic pagans. There is a hush.
"Thank you all for coming. This is a great day to celebrate life!"
The congregation cheers and applauds. Muzzy raises his hands again
"Recently, I was asked by a reporter what I meant when I said Christianity
is a cult. Well, let me clarify. I do not support Christianity or their cult followers,
but in the democratic process there is always room for debate. And was it not
ancient Greek pagans, who originated democracy?"
The Temple of Dionysus erupts in applause. Muzzy waves to the audience
and adjusts his toga.
"Greek polytheism predates Christianity and Judaism. The great
teacher and mathematician Pythagoras said that all knowledge comes from
the wisdom of the Gods. Although, Christianity is a young religion it is still
a good faith. I would ask every Christian leader to consider their faith in the
great Temple of the Gods. Can any one religion say they are the only way
to the Aegean Fields?"
"Christianity is a cult. It is a small band of believers in a world with much
larger and older faiths. But, there is a place for their God amongst are
Olympians . No one will be forgotten."
Cheers and applause erupt again in the great temple.
"All that we asks is that you give a pinch of incense to Obama.
It is only a gesture of respect. It is a great puzzlement to pagans why
Christians are so prejudice. Did not the Gods create all men?"
The choir sings hallelujah.
"Christian politics are extremely contradictory. You say that life is sacred
and yet you support the death penalty. Is martyrdom a reasonable answer?
Do all Christians want to be crucified? If this is true, then abortion is
a Christian sacrament. It frees the unborn through martyrdom from
the temptations of this world. How can you legislate your cult of death?"
More applause and cheers erupt as the choir sings to Dionysus.
"As a preacher I must caution my congregation not to fall into this
masochism. We must celebrate life not crucifixion. I cannot endorse
any candidate, who advocate this Christian obsessions with death.
Do Christians want Armageddon? Do Christians believe the world is evil?
Is this why they support a Christian indoctrination into the military?
Who was it that burned Rome?!"
A roar of cheers erupts. Cameras flash.
Muzzy laughs, "Let us not throw the Christians to the lions."
There is laughter in the congregation.
"Although, Christians believe a lion's belly is a gateway to Jesus.
It is not our wish to indulge their need for martyrs.
Many of my friends are Christian and they are good people,
but not Pagan.
We must pray for them. They are beguiled by their love of persecution.
This is why I have endorsed Mitt Romney. He is a candidate, who can
represent all the people; Christian and Pagan. And now let us sacrifice
the red heifer on this great solstice!"
The choir signs a hymn to Dionysus as Muzzy slits the heifer's throat.