by Big Fish
work in progress.Italics is thoughts I have for the direction of the story.Sorryfor errors
|Dark, scalding, and the smell of metal take hold of my home, my city. We live in the ground in fear of the trees. When I say ‘we’ I mean the people living in the city. The city’s name is Offersteen. Named after the lord who took the mine and helped turn it into a city. I live with my two younger sisters and my mother. My father died when mining, he got killed by the roots of the trees they say that he was ripped to shreds; that the tunnel was filled with his blood. It’s been up to me to feed them because my mom has gotten really sick and is unable. What makes it worse is that because of his death and my age people don’t want to hire me. Here if the trees kill you it is a sigh of weakness; so the children of that person are condemned to be weak as well. That leaves me to steal food and money to keep them alive. The punishment for any crime is what we call “Making fertilizer.”
“Hey kid stop right there!”
I run past stone and people like a fox through the trees heading to its hole to hide. I run into an ally way and jump on a few boxes then jump on top of a house and bolt. I look behind me; with a sign of relief that the guards aren’t following me I jump down and head home. My home is like many other homes, a small square carved into rock with three rooms: living room/kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom.
“Hey I’m back,” I say while entering through the door.
“Welcome home,” my mother, says looking grim but with a smile on her face. “Were you able to find a job?”
“I did. But he told me I need to get prepared for work so he told me that I need to put more meat on my bones but I told him that I don’t have the money for it so he gave me some money to buy some food.” I show her 5 coins.
She looks at me knowing how I really got it; I’m a terrible liar; not mad but sad that she knows I must or my sisters and I would starve to death. I’ve been doing this for weeks now. I see it in here eyes and I ‘m about to tell her the truth but a pounding on the door stops me. We both look at each other then at the door eyes widening.
“What you are for is the best for the community”. That is what I tell myself and what everyone else tells me. That I’m going to be what is to keep the trees from killing us all. I’m a sacrifice to the trees to be killed by them for the safety of our people. That I’m a blessing to them, like a god. But I feel that they say this to make me feel better. I think they do this because of my father, the lord of the town. Do they fear him or do they want him on their side so when he dies they will get the throne or at least their sons. He seems not to me a tyrant but I truly can’t say it myself because I’m stuck in this house; the only people I talk to are my parents, the guess that come over, and Bellena my best and only friend. She is the only one that talks to me without making me feel that they are scared or just trying to get on my family’s side.
I’m in my room watching the community, watching what life I cannot know for I’m to valuable to risk being out side. I hear footsteps coming to the door; I stand up and get to the door before the knock and open it.
“O hey,” I say seeing Bellena.
“ Hey,” she says back while coming in with a tray with two cups and a teapot on it.
She places it on a table and says, “Are you ready for…well you know?” with a awkward smile but behind it is sadness because I’m also her best and only friend; for being mine she ended up never being aloud to leave as well.
“As ready as any person is that went through this.” I say while Thinking of when I was told that I was going to be throne into the forest as a sacrifice.
My parents are sitting on each side of me on my bed sadness in their eyes.
“Honey you must understand why you can leave the house.” My father says to me.
“ You are very important not just to me and your mother, but to our community.”
This is a ritual that has been done many times and will go on till we either die or the trees do. It always has been the first born of the leader of the community to give their life for the sake of everyone. We are sent into the woods to follow a path that leads to a clearing of dead trees then I must give my blood by killing myself on the stump of the dead sister tree in hopes that the blood will sprout life an grow again.
I look back “I’m ready as much as they want me to be.”
When should I let her know that she is the seed and when do I let the readers know that she is the seed? For the class story I will add it later.
Pro to tell soon: it leads into what the story is and what it can become, can change things before hand so things come together better.
Con to tell soon: less twist that can be added, it can make the book predictable and may make it a cliché
Pro to tell later: adds twist to story, gives it more suspense so readers don’t easily predict what happens next, leaves it open to become something more then just being a sacrifice able to change things if needed to get what you want or need to keep story good/coherent.
Con to tell later: if I set it up to be like that then I have to go with it, can make reader less interested and say that the idea is bad and tell others that the book turned out bad. It can become a cliché because: important character dies to become something bigger, which is something I’ve seen many times.
Should I add friends to the main characters so they don’t seem to be by them selves and then be we each other? Or do I keep them alone so it gives the reader more connection to the friend and/or love relationship? I will add friends to the story so then I can change things up to give comedy or a second love story/ side story from the main part of the book and can add different info from one group to the other to give the reader more info then the characters.
At the ending/ if I have them love each other should I have the girl comeback at very end? Or to let there be one last kiss then she is gone to him? This is a hard part of the story because it can either make or break the readers connection to the book. For that reason I will take time on that and set up the love but not the answer so it can be changed to give what I think at the end the reader will feel for.