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by Ginger
Rated: E · Essay · Comedy · #1824651
A humorous esay about the shopping habits of men versus women.
As you read these first few words, based on the title, I am sure you are wondering what this "one thing" could be. Car repairs? Using a snowblower? Pounding back the alcohol? Tax evasion? No, no, no, and no.

Surprisingly, it is shopping. And here is why:

Men know exactly what they want. When they are home putting on their coat to go shopping for something, in their mind, they already know what it is. Maybe it's an 1/2 inch wrench, a pound of nails, beer, whatever. You get my drift.

Women on the other hand are putting on their coat at home ( well, before they even get out the door, most women have already had on 3 coats and then go with the 4th one, but I digress....) and they are thinking, "I need to buy something. Anything. I just have this need to wander aimlessly up and down the aisles of a store and randomly pick things to drain my bank account...."

The above two paragraphs are true. Think about it.

The reason I am writing this is based on an experience I had recently with a male customer and I feel sometimes that men have things written about them that portrays them in a bad light or casts aspersions on them in stereotypical ways. It's high time men are given credit where credit is due.

So while I was at work on this particular day, a male customer approached me. Here is the conversation we had ( and please bear in mind that from the time I said "hello" to the time we said "goodbye" a total of about 55 seconds had elapsed).

Me: May I help you?
Guy: I need some cream for my face. It's very dry.
Me: How dry? Does it feel tight and have a pulling sensation? (His skin was very red--I took a wild guess)
Guy: Yes it is.
Me: You need to use Biotherm Nutrisource...twice a day.
Guy: How much is it?
Me: Forty-eight dollars.
Guy, cringing: Okay.

We complete the transaction, say goodbye, case closed.

Here would be the same exact scenario, if a typical female customer had approached me: (I said TYPICAL..this does not apply to all of you but if you feel slighted or offended you may want to review your shopping routine)

Me: Hello, may I help you?

Female: Hmmmm I don't know. I was thinking about getting a new face cream. Maybe that one I saw in a magazine in England. You know the one, it comes in a box. No wait, maybe it doesn't. I think it was Lancome, no wait, maybe Clarins. Do you even have Clarins?? Why don't you carry Guerlain? The other store in Halifax has it. I was there yesterday when it was snowing. Do you think it will snow today? It's so cold out!

Me: Definitely. It will snow forever. Were you looking for a day cream or night cream?

Female: Well, I am using a night cream now. You know the one. That woman with the blonde hair advertises it. I don't see it here. I wish you people would stop moving the things around. Maybe you don't sell it anymore. Why is it when I find something I like it, it's always discontinued? Always!

Me: (SIGH): What is you skin type like? Are you oily, dry, sensitive?

Female: Sensitive!! I am so sensitive, I can't use anything! For years all I put on my face was Crisco shortening. Now what's this over here? This one has sunscreen? I don't like the ones with sunscreen. Do you think I should use the ones with sunscreen? Do you think these sunscreens even work? What's this one? L'oreal? Never heard of it. Is it new? Do you still have that blush I saw here in 1952...it was in a round pink box? You know the one!!

Me: Maybe.

Female: What's that new mascara I saw advertised on tv?

(At this point, out of sheer annoyance and to keep myself occupied so I don't find a rope and try to hang myself, I steer her towards the most expensive skincare line in the store.Hey--she had it coming.)

Female: What's that mascara? You know the one!

Me, thinking: Of course I know the one. I know every single mascara ever produced in the history of mankind and I know exactly what you saw on tv and you didn't even really have to come in the store--you could have just told me telepathically what you wanted to buy because I can read your mind so freakin well!

Me: I am not sure which one you saw on tv. Do you remember anything about it? What it does? The package? Who advertises it? What the commerical looked like? (Were you drunk from stupidity while viewing it?----I just thought this last one--wouldn't actually say it)

Female: Can I get a refund on some makeup I bought here six years ago? I don't have the receipt. I don't remember anything about the commercial. There was a black girl in it, she was dancing I think. No wait. That was American Idol.

Me: You really should be using the Clarins Super Restorative Serum, then the cream over that, plus the eye cream and the night cream. Let me ring that through for you...

Me: Your total is $682. 65.... On your credit card? Thank you.

We would say goodbye then and 70 minutes would have gone by.

See the difference?

Congrats, guys! You fellows got it going on!!
© Copyright 2011 Ginger (rebecca39 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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