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Rated: 13+ · Letter/Memo · Adult · #1833201
Reality checks
My life needs to change. My boyfriend makes me happy, but I put a lot more effort into the relationship than he does. He is insecure, in need of constant reassurance. Every move I make has to do with him, he gets defensive, and accuses me of being egocentric. My sister is depressed, recently diagnosed with a bipolar disorder. She is recovering from an abusive long-term relationship and is finding it hard to adjust into society due to the "taboo" perception of mental illness and drug recovery. My brother is insecure, a recluse, he binges online and has little to no contact with the outside world unless done virtually. My parents are divorced, mother is strong, but very overbearing because this is how she likes to feel needed. She married young, during war times, to a man who incidentally cheated on her 4 years into the marriage. His affair resulted into the birth of a love child, who since, has been dealing with early drug use, and has attempted on numerous occasions to reach my family. My father is guilt-ridden, seeing us once a month, when not traveling with his 23 year old girlfriend. He wants the best for us, offering us luxuries that we crave, so much so, that we turn the other cheek. Our parents are not currently quarreling, having to deal with my sister and brother has bought them together. But this is the general atmosphere at home. The pink elephants, the unspoken words, the subtext; I hear them loud and clear. And my life, itself? I used to be happy, I remember it sometimes when I'm out, drinking, confident. But when I'm at home, sitting in bed, remembering the friends I've lost, the ex best friend who has shunned me, but regrets it every time she drinks excessively. I feel everyone has moved on, and I am sitting in the shackles of the prison I have created for myself. Every choice I have made, has led me to being unhappy in a relationship based on indulgence, has led me to attend a university that does not even tap into my potential. I try to stay selfless, but I focus so much on what I have missed, what I do miss; I can not see what is in front of me anymore.

She said you need to identify your problem if you want to solve it.

I didn't know where to begin, so I gave her everything.
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